Never getting gifts from FI or our children?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@truefrommetoyou:  He needs to lift his game.. Whats his reason for this? Especially if you’re making the effort and giving him gifts. So he’s happy recieving them but doesn’t bother to give them?

It’s not about being materialistic, it’s about making you feel loved and appreciated, and he’s being lazy.

I’m not quite sure how the best way to go about making him realise how important this is to you as I don’t know him but in my opinion, you should definitely address this. I would never be ok with that in my relationship. He’s not showing his appreciation of you and that’s not ok.

Post # 5
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@truefrommetoyou:  Hmm look the money thing is a valid reason if it’s legitimate, but if you can find the money for him, i’m sure he could do the same.

Does he acknowledge your birthday in any way? For example if you guys are really stretched for extra cash, would he do something like make a nice meal or a cake or take you all on a picnic? or something to at least make it a special occasion?

It’s a hard one because of course you don’t want to be materialistic but you deserve to be made to feel special, especially when you do that for him. Is there someone else you could talk to about this who could approach it with him? sometimes it’s better coming from someone else!

Post # 7
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@truefrommetoyou:  Talk to him. You say you’ve “mentioned to him” that you want him to make more effort, but I think you need to do more than mention it. You need to spell out how hurtful it is. Sometimes guys totally miss the cues and need it made clear.

Post # 8
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@truefrommetoyou:  OP keep your mother in law out of your marriage. I realize this is upsetting to you.

If you have a good relationship with you MIL that’s great. But I’ve never been a fan of going to the partners parent for advise on their children. That’s her son, more than likely she may sympathize with you, but her loyalty is and will always be with him. Do not open the door to seeking and getting “advice” on an private issue within your marriage, from in laws. 

This is between you and your husband and it should stay there. 

Post # 9
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Boooooo! Your situation is making me grumpy! You’re going to have to get this through his skull. I volunteer to write him a letter! 🙁

Post # 10
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

YOu don’t have to have money to get out construction paper, glue and some scissors. Those are staples in the home of anyone that has kids! Money is an excuse. It sounds like he just doesn’t feel like putting in the effort, which isn’t fair. It’s his job as a father to help the kids celebrate you as you deserve to be celebrated, and as you help him. Have yousaked him how he would feel if he woke up on fathers day and noone said a word about it? If the kids totally ignored that it was supposed to be a day to celebrate him and he got nothing as if it were a normal day?

Post # 11
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@bklynbridetobe:  Word

 

You and I could be the same person. 3 kids, and my DH neer does anything special for special days.  We usually go out to eat and he will say happy birthday, but that is about it, maybe a bag (yes a bag-not a box) of candy for v-day. It use to really hurt my feelings, not it just stings a little. But I have to remind myself he wasn’t raised in a house where special days for him were that special. I have talked to him about it and he says that it isn’t because he doesn’t care, that just isn’t something that comes natural for him.

Post # 12
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@truefrommetoyou:  A card or love letter doesn’t cost anything. He has no excuse for that except laziness! 

Post # 13
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@truefrommetoyou:  I do think it’s important that he shows his appreciation for you and encourages your children to do the same. I honestly think one of the most important jobs a father has is to raise his children to have respect for their mother (and vice versa of course) and if he’s being lazy, it will rub off on your children and that’s not ok. He needs to lead by example and show them how you should treat the people you love.

Post # 14
Member
1422 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@truefrommetoyou:  I agree with PP, I would talk to him, more than in passing. It is important for both partners to show appreciation for each other (and to teach their children to do the same), but not everyone shows or wants to be shown appreciation in the same ways. Have you heard of love languages? I don’t know how scientific they are, but I think it’s interesting and useful to think about the different ways people show and prefer to be shown love.

It does seem like your FI might not be showing you appretiation in any ways, but maybe there are a few that you haven’t quite seen that way. I think a little note that says I love you even if it’s on scratch paper is pretty sweet, but I love things like that. Some people prefer gifts, others compliments, others hugs. Of course, if he’s not showing you appreciation in any form that’s a big issue! I hope you guys can figure this out soon.

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