(Closed) Never having sex again…. could you do it?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh, wow, that’s a heartbreaking situation.  However, from what I understand about paralysis there are ways for a man to still have sex.  I think there are even some YouTube videos about this, lol, with proof positive and tips for how it can be done.  I’m sure they are both traumatized but to answer the question, No, I would not have sex with another man just because my husband had an accident out of his control.  Nothing about that changes my vow of faithfulness or love for him. 

There are so many other ways she can be sexually fulfilled than by having to have his penis hard.  Hopefully his hands and mouth still work.  They can still be intimate, they just need to be more creative.  Doctors should be able to give advice on how to do this, it isn’t an unheard of issue. 

I would never give up, if I were her, unless her husband is completely against the idea. 

If he is completely opposed to finding ways to sexually please his wife and is perfectly fine with her having sex with another man, then I guess it would be ok.  But the danger could be she may fall in love with her new sex partner and end up leaving her husband. 

 

Post # 4
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Sunfire:  Yes agree

Post # 5
Member
2951 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Why dont they buy a toy and use it together? Get creative! lol

If that situation ever arose id be fine. Ive went through multiple deployments with no sex! Yeah it sucks at times but I feel like thats just part of the commitment (id never want to be unfaithful by having sex with another man. Even if DH ok’d it , i would still feel bad)

Sex is important in a relationship but I dont feel like any relationship should be soley based on just that. There are other things they can do together!

Post # 6
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Well, first I’d say that there are MANY more ways to achieve sexual pleasure and intimacy besides penetration. So if they can both engage in activites that fulfill her (and hopefully, him as well) they could have a completely satisfying sex life without the penetration.

I love sex, but I think I could live without it for the man I loved.

Post # 7
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly I think that is something she and her husband need to discuss and be on teh same page. If she jsut starts going out behind his back it will build resentment on both parts at some point. If her husband is ok with it her having other partners then really what goes on behind closed doors is their business. In the end their relationship is the one that matters.

Post # 8
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

Just because they are unable to have traditional penis in vagina intercourse, doesn’t mean that they can’t have sex. There are plenty of ways to fulfill her needs, so I think going without is forever or stepping out to get her needs met are both ridiculous notions.

Post # 9
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

I couldn’t have sex with anyone but my love. If his member wouldn’t work, his tounge still would and he could hold a vibrator. We’d find a way for sure

Post # 10
Hostess
16217 posts
Honey Beekeeper

My love for my husband would come before my physical needs. But how heartbreaking to even have to be asking such a question at only 26!

Post # 11
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

That’s terrible… 🙁 

@Wonderwoman217:  I agree. There are many other (arguably better lol) options still available to them.

I could live without being penetrated by a (real) penis for the rest of my life. I’d only start to get desperate if my husband refused to even try to be sexual with me in other ways. Even then though, I wouldn’t be able to just sleep with some other guy and I doubt my husband would be able to cope with that either… 

Post # 12
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Yeah…there are other ways to relieve sexual tension outside of intercourse. I think that they need to work together to come up with some creative solutions!

Post # 13
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am a Occupational Therapist Assistant and we learned in school(as above poster said) that depending on paralysis there are ways to still have sex. Sexuality is actually one of the domains thtat OT’s help clients with. There are even special pillows and positions that we learned about to help in this situation.

I really do not believe that she should go out and seek another man. I would consider that cheating. There is more than one way to be intimate with your partner, you just have to be creative.

It bothers me that the person on the radio even brought that up becaus you know that she has been considering being unfaithful to her husband.

Post # 14
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with other PPs – there are other ways to experience sexual pleasure.  There’s toys, fingers, mouth/tongue.  That being said, I would still be with my husband no matter what.  If it meant no sex, then so be it, but I know we’re pretty creative.

Post # 15
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m with the others – there are plenty of ways to get your desires met, as long as both partners are willing.

Post # 16
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

ladies… this is something that i can kindof relate with. FI and I had an Extremely sexual relationship… then he got testicular cancer. Before we found out it was cancer i had an idea something was wrong because our sex life went to almost daily-to once a month.

However, after the cancer, he had to recover, and then had a hard time coming to terms with having things removed.we went MONTHS and months!!!!!!

Its still hard to date, hes been cancer free a year but theres hormonal issues & diabetes we are now struggling against.

Bottom line – as hard as it is- theres so much more to a relationship then sex- and like PP theres other ways to be satisfied. I dont think I could in good faith or with the love i have for FI= be with anyone else because he couldnt. i agree totally with Pumpkin pie

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