Post # 1
I realized recently that I’ve never specifically said to my BM’s they’re paying for their own dresses. I just assumed that, knowing they know about weddings (I believe they’ve all been in one or two) and that from what I’ve heard typically bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, they know they will be paying.
Several of them are in difficult financial positions. One of them (my MOH) also has her daughter being the flower girl. We’re going to David’s Bridal in a couple of weeks to look at BM dresses and also flower girl dresses. I looked on the DB website and flower girl dresses were like 100 dollars! I couldn’t believe it! For a tiny little dress (so we’ll probably go somewhere else for that). Plus her son will be a ring bearer. So renting a tux for him, an extra expense.
Another one of my BM’s — I was in her wedding. It was a while back, about ten years ago, and I don’t remember if she paid for my dress or if I did. It’s quite possible that she did.
How do I deal with this…I was thinking of emailing everyone as the day to go to DB gets closer, to confirm it, saying to the people who can’t make it (b/c as they live far I’m pretty sure a couple can’t) “I just want to reassure everyone I will be looking for something that works for everyone– price, size, color, etc.” that will let everyone know for sure that they would be paying.
Or of course I could tell them outright. But I feel a little awkward doing that, especially since they’ve been in the wedding party for about nine months now.
Post # 3
It is generally a given that they will pay for their own dresses and accessories, unless you have specified otherwise. If you want to help them out, you could offer to pay for half or all. For the one with the ring bearer and flower girl, maybe you could pay for both of those.
Post # 4
I think after the first few weddings, most BMs get the general idea… how old are your bridesmaids?
Post # 5
I think it’s reasonable to assume they plan to pay for their dresses. However, I feel like you could offer to pay for the kids’ outfits if you know it is a financial burgen or maybe talk to your MOH about getting the kids reasonably priced off the rack outfits after Easter to save some $ if you can’t swing it. I feel like it is a burden to ask someone to pay for their dress, a flower girl dress and a tux rental.
Post # 6
I’m not exactly sure when you’re getting married or how closely you are trying to match everything, but if you can, consider waiting until around Easter to shop for flower girl and ring bearer outfits. There are always a ton of little kid dressy outfits (and some of them are really adorable!). You should be able to find something that costs less than the prices at DB (and the quality may be higher too).
@slicey – sorry, I didn’t see you post for some reason before I posted. Good idea about Easter though 🙂
Post # 7
I think the email you mention sounds like a great way to subtly bring it up. You could also say something like, “If you have any specific concerns about style of the dress or price range that works best for you, please let me know before we go shopping.”
Post # 8
If you’;re okay with them doing some shopping aorund on their own (for example, if David’s is too expensive), you could mention that if they find something mroe affordable that you like, too, you’d be open to changing the dress.
Also, check out Ebay for boy’s tuxes. Our nephews’ was like $35. Same for flower girl dresses, unless they’re a replica of your dress or something like that. There are a lot of pretty “easter” and communion type dresses out there that are white.
Post # 9
I think that it is generally assumed that the BMs will pay for their own dresses. However, since you’ve stated that several of your BMs are having some financial difficulty, I think it might be nice to email beforehand and say something like: I’m doing some research on what dresses might work for everyone and I was wondering what type of price range each of you are comfortable with, etc etc.
If their price ranges are too low for what you can do, I might consider telling them the color, fabric, and length that you want and letting them where whatever they want.
Post # 10
I’ve been in a few weddings and I’ve never assumed the bride was going to pay for anything unless she said it. If for some it’s their first time, I think the email is a good way to bring it up. Plus (you’d have to check with wherever you plan having the girls get their dresses) but you might be able to put in an email that you picked such and such bridal shop because they offer a discount for the bridal party. I think DB does that. Even though they will have to pay for their dresses, they will appreciate you looking for ways to save them some money.
Post # 11
I’m going to say that your email (the way you worded it) sounded great, and is a good idea. Unfortunately, I have a friend who was apparently very lucky in that every wedding she was ever in, the bride not only paid for her dress, but the MOB also paid for the showers. When it came to a friend of ours wedding, she was appaled that she was asked to not only pay for her dress, but to also chip in for the shower. Some girls don’t know…and she was 2 years older than me! She apparently had a lot of generous friends!
So, I think hinting at it like you did wouldn’t hurt…just so that everyone is on the same page.
Also, for flower girl dresses, we went to Macy’s RIGHT after Easter. If you’re ok with the flower girl dresses being a color, that’s a great way to go! They have such adorable Easter dresses there for little girls (or any department store), and they were so cheap since it was after Easter. I think I paid $30 for each dress. It was crazy!
Post # 12
I think your idea of emailing them your ‘plan’ to get a pretty and inexpensive dress so they’re not put out financially is the way to go. That’s actually what I was going to suggest to you until I read that you had already planned on it. There’s not much more you can do other than write “And just so you know I’m not paying for the dresses, YOU are!”. Which is a little harsh and I think your idea is better.
Most BM’s realize they will be paying for the dress and if the bride pays for it that’s just a nice bonus. But then again, it might be different by region and culture so I guess you have a point – you can’t just assume that they know.
Post # 13
Ok, great. I’ll do exactly as everyone says.
And as far as my MOH goes, I do and have felt kind of bad about her paying for her dress, a flowergirl dress, and a ring bearer tux. I’ll definitely do the after-Easter sales, and if she has any trouble I’ll pay for the flower girl dress and tux.