Post # 1
So I saw the stone he’d purchased 1.5 months ago over the weekend. Still in its box. No setting.
So, I bit the bullet.
After talking to a trusted friend, my therapist and our pastor I finally got up the nerve and “spoke” (well actually emailed because he’d left his phone at band practice at church and it was late) to SO about what his timeline was for our engagement. Its really been weighing on me not knowing what the plan was time-wise for an engagement when he keeps saying early Nov. for a wedding date. Yes, I know mathmatically that means 4.5-5 months away but with no engagement to me saying early nov. for a wedding date is as good as not setting a date at all, its a moving point.
So the email exchange was probably a paragraph total between the two of us but I was straightforward and told him it help ease my stress and worry if he could give me a timeline. I think my fear was that asking him that would take away something special from the proposal or that it would come across as my not trusting him to handle it. We addressed those things in the email but he did say he’s in the midst of planning it and his timeline is “a month or two”, he said he’s actually “worked on some of it on thursday and yesterday” and asked me to trust him and “let him do this”.
It didn’t come across mean or anything, just a good conversation.
So, my never satisfied moment? I feel like a jerk asking for the timeline bc I really wanted to just be the type of woman who didnt ask anything about the engagement… that it would happen to happen, ya know? My ex and I had that issue and I didn’t want to repeat history. So I feel a bit sad that I couldn’t keep my self control, that it wasn’t enough to just have faith. :-/
I’m bad at this waiting game.
Post # 2
2ndTimeForWe: I feel like this needs to be a conversation you have with him in person. There is so much that can be lost in context and tone over a text and email.
Post # 3
Are you okay with an engagement of that length?
He might not have any idea how long it takes to plan a wedding, or how long of an engagement you had in mind. Did you want a late fall wedding?
I expect he is actually on it, but I don’t blame you at all for being impatient. Especially when his timeline seems unrealistic. But he did buy a stone- that’s a commitment to the process. I don’t blame you for asking because his timeline seemed “off”.
Most couples discuss getting married somewhat before the engagement happens. Don’t be embarassed just because it isn’t what you see in Hollywood. If a guy is going to buy a ring, he wants to know that she’s going to say yes, right?
Post # 4
this should have been a conversation done in person. we had talked about an october wedding and i told DH he better get on the ball because i needed alittle bit of time to plan. we had a 7 month engagement.
Post # 5
Bridey77: Thanks for the reply…I don’t feel anything was lost. My question was literally one sentence, nothing long and wordy. He replied what I said above. I’m sure we’ll talk about it tonight a little bit more but we didnt have a chance to see each other last night.
plum_pudding: I’ve mentioned in previous posts but didnt think to mention it in this one but we’re doing a VERY small, basic, casual ceremony/wedding. I’m talking plain plain plain, maybe 30 ppl. etc. So the planning can completely be done in that time.
Post # 6
2ndTimeForWe: If you are confident that he is going to propose, then I think you need to just relax and enjoy the relationship. You will never get this time back.
Post # 7
I think it’s ok to have the conversation you had – and you shouldn’t feel like you ruined anything. I can relate in that I probably have a similar personality to you… I’m a planner, and I am type A – I wan’t to be surprised, but I also want to know we’re on the same page 🙂 Only a couple more months – try to distract yourself, it will fly by!!