Never thought I'd be telling him, "Wait."

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think you’re thinking clearly and are on the right path — good luck on the career hunt it’s stressful and adding in wedding planning AND having to appease people will only be more so! Crossing fingers and sending you good luck vibes! 

Post # 4
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Aww, i’m sorry to hear you and your SO are in a tough spot right now… i’m sending positive vibes your way and hoping you both get great jobs!

Post # 5
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Aww, i’m sorry to hear you and your SO are in a tough spot right now… i’m sending positive vibes your way and hoping you both get great jobs!

Post # 6
Member
9253 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

((HUGS))  So sorry you’re going through a rough time.  Sending lots of love and positive vibes, I really hope things turn around for you soon!

Post # 7
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MissCalifornia:  I wish you good luck in the job searching. I think you are making a rational, mature decision, as much as it hurts. At least you guys are together. And it’s not like you’re going anywhere, I hope he knows that. You guys seem very much in love.

Good luck and fingers crossed that things turn out xx

Post # 8
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MissCalifornia:  I think that is a very mature decision and plan! Good for you! Crossing my fingers for you and sending lots of positive vibes your way!!!!

Post # 9
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry you’re going through this OP but you sound so level headed and mature. I love that y’all have each other, I really hope something comes through soon!

Go listen to “For the First time” by The Script-it’s an awesome song. *hugs*

 

Post # 10
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I feel like were soul sisters right now because I literally experienced EVERYTHING that you just decribed.

I’m 25, haven’t finished my Masters yet but have been in school non-stop since I started. Finding a job is ridiculously difficult even with a college degree nowadays. A lot of my friends are struggling right now with this too. I finally got a contract position doing something that Im overeducated for in Feburary. Before that my father was paying my rent/car insurance/cell phone…. I was completely dependent and felt like crap that I couldnt provide for myself. I didnt picture life after college to be like this.

Anyways, I wasvery honest with my now FI that I did NOT want to get married before I had a job and was independent. It didn’t help that my FI is irresponsible with money and at the time I had allowed him to move in with me on a temporary basis so he could save up (which he didnt end up doing but thats a different venting story).

Flash forward to Dec 12 while im out of state staying with his mother and brother & all his best friends, and he popped the question. It literally was the perfect engagement besides the fact that he had completely blown off all of my concerns and completely disregarded my feelings towards marriage (kind of a big thing dont you think).

My FI started going around telling all of my friends about how much my ring was worth which caused another fight. It was basically telling me that he wanted to have bragging rights & that he was showing off even though he couldnt even throw down a couple hundred to help with bills/rent without me constantly nagging him. Plus, it was also a saftey concern for me.

He didnt seem to quite get my hesitations getting married to him or why I was so ambivalent in the first place. I see myself as a very independant person, and the idea that I would be handed off from one man (my dad) to another (husband) really turned me off.

Fast forward to present time, my FI and I havent even started wedding planning. I keep getting questions from people asking whats up with the wedding, and even some people making remarks asking if were ever going to get married, but the way I see it is my FI wanted to jump the gun and propose before I was ready, so now we get to have an extra long engagement until I AM ready. I’m mostly independant now, but I still have no health insurance and still have my parents paying car insurance (but the car is under their name so its technically theirs)/medical bills.

I feel like my FI & I’s relationship has changed drastically since getting engaged & it took me a while to not be resentful towards him for putting me on the spot like he did, but Im finally happy that we are engaged. The whole thought of planning a wedding completely stresses me out and sends me into freak out mode, curled up in the fetal position trying not to be overwhelmed… but I know the time to start planning is coming up pretty quickly (almost done w school).

The one thing that I have put my foot down about is not trying to plan while I’m still in school. That way too much stress for me to handle, especially when you think about how silly wedding planning is (ITS ONE DAY) and trying to finish school with high marks.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

Post # 11
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@MissCalifornia:  You, dear lady are my fucking hero right now….so many young women want what they want because they want it and it was supposed to be here YESTERDAY!  And in a sea of overgrown Veruca’s it is refreshing and inspiring to see someone who understands that having your shit together is a big part of moving on in your life.

It’s going to work out honey, cause you’re doing it right…and for reference, the right thing and the hardest thing you’ve ever experienced are almost always the same…just keep your head up and know that when that time comes and he asks you to be his wife, its going to be on your terms and the two of you can be proud!

Post # 13
Member
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Just remember – you don’t need a ring to be engaged!  And a wedding needs only cost the license.  And hang in there.  I’ve been unemployed/underemployed.  It’ll get better, it just may take (a lot) more time than you want.  To the extent that you can cut back, take on odd jobs or waitressing etc, to pay bills and feel better, do so.  Leave enough time to job hunt though.

Post # 14
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You’re doing the right thing for yourself, and for your relationship.
You’ve got a good head on your shoulders.

A friend recently applied to jobs in California, he didn’t get any leads on his resume for a while. Most companies weren’t interested in him simply because he was from NJ & moving out there.

Then he paid someone (a professional resume writer) to revamp it, and got 6 calls within the first week of sending it out! He got a job through one of those intrested parties and is moving out there soon.

Might be worth your money to consider doing it, for one or both of you!
Do your research and find someone reputable, read reviews, ask around.
I think it’s worth it, especially in a competitive area like CA!

Good luck, OP!

Post # 15
Member
441 posts
Helper bee

@MissCalifornia:  Aww you rock! I would feel the same way about getting help from parents, BUT what counts is that you’ve already proven you know how to take care of yourself. You’re still just as self-reliant and capable as you’ve always been, even if his parents are temporarily all over you.

I completely empathize with waiting to get a legit career-type job. I didn’t want to think about marriage either until I had a ball in the court job-wise. Once I had a little job security, I think it kinda flipped a switch for me that freed me up to consider other life commitments… haha.

Best of luck with the job search! You might want to check out scripted.com – it’s a local startup that connects freelance writers with jobs.

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