- 5 years ago
Hi fellow bees! This is my first post here, but I’ve been a lurker for awhile now. You’ve all been a big source of encouragement for me! I’ve been officially “waiting” for about 5 months now, and I feel like some days are good and some days I’m really struggling. I’ve tried really hard to keep my mouth shut and trust that I know it’s coming, which I never thought would be so difficult.
This weekend was especially rough. For some reason, on Saturday I felt like it was going to happen. He left my place Sat. morning, talking about how he had to run “errands” (he always usually says have to go to Lowes, the grocery store, whatever). Backtracking a bit, a few weeks back he said (regarding the proposal) that he was waiting for something that would make it special and that he *thought* it would be soon. So, naturally I thought he was referring to a ring (even though he’s never asked what type of ring I would like – which makes me a little nervous, but if he wants to surprise me with a design I’m good with it). Anyway, on top of the mysterious errands, he mentioned he’d like us to go for a drive later that afternoon and enjoy looking at the fall leaves while they’re around. Long story short, I read way too much into it and was certain it was going to happen. Painted my nails, giddy with anticipation. Well, we went on the drive, came home and I realized I was way off. I actually laughed about it a little and told him how my hopes had been up. He was sweet and reassuring, saying it will happen soon. I was a little more disappointed then I let on, but tried to just forget it. I woke up in the morning, still feeling disappointed and decided to log on to Facebook. First post that pops up is, you guessed it, an engagement – and let’s not forget that heart icon. Kicker is, it was my SO’s sister who got engaged Sat night who is younger than SO and has been dating her fiance for less time than us. Pretty much secretly fought back tears a few times on Sunday, and was trying to hide it from SO and pretend like I was happy for his sis. The entire evening Sunday, he was on the phone with family (understandably), congratulating, talking about it, etc. I was really looking forward to him getting off the phone so we could have our “us” time, of snuggling on the couch and talking, because I was just feeling a bit alone and wanted to feel close to him. Anyway, he ended up being so tired when he got off the phone that he fell asleep almost immediately on the couch. I then proceeded to have a bit of a melt down sitting next to him on the couch, and when he started waking up I asked if he could just hold me for a minute. He did, and asked right away if everything was okay and I just said that the waiting is so hard some days, and today was one of those days esp. since I was disappointed the night before and then his sis got engaged instead. He thanked me that he says I’ve been so patient (I must be really fooling him), and reassured me, yet again, that he promises it’s coming soon, but that it needs to be a surprise. Now a couple days later I feel like an impatient brat and really, really need to shut-it-up. I feel so bad when I mention anything proposal related to him, but it seems to spill out occasionally anyway no matter how hard I try to not say anything. I need to just appreciate my amazing, sweet guy and just focus on the here and now. I’m glad us bees can go through this together:)