Post # 1
Hi ladies! I have been reading these boards particularly the “waiting” board for a while now. I was dead set on not registering until I was engaged because I thought I might spend even more amount of time here then I already do. However, today I feel like I am going crazy and I could really use some help/support. I have been with the bf for about a year and half and we have been talking about engagement and marriage for the past 11 months. Needless to say we are not engaged yet but that has not kept me from thinking about it all day every day. I am losing my mind. He has casually mentioned that it will happen before New Year’s but that doesn’t even calm me down. I feel like getting engaged is all I think about these days. I have to force myself to not say anything to him about it but it is so hard. I have been crazy emotional these last few months and I just want to already be engaged and planning to get married. Every night we are supposed to hang out I consider canceling on him just because I am frustrated that we are not engaged yet and I don’t want to end up crying to him about it. Also, (prepare for really crazy moment) he called me last week and told me he just found out that his best friend’s girlfriend is pregnant and they are getting engaged and going to have a baby. I got off the phone with him and promptly started balling my eyes out. I want to be married and trying to have kids already. I am ready to be in the next stage of my life. I know this couple was about to get engaged anyways and I am happy for them but it makes me so jealous. I am acting so childish. I have even started to worry that they are going to have the baby a few weeks before the date I was thinking we might get married (you know, if we do in fact get engaged in the next by New Years). I know I am losing it. I am not even engaged and I am worried about someone having a baby right before our (non-existent) wedding date, so they wouldn’t be able to come and we would have to postpone it. Also, everyone and their sister have been getting engaged lately. I have turned into this crazy, selfish, over emotional person and I don’t want to be like this. I would really appreciate any advice on how to calm myself down before I have a nervous breakdown.
Thank you and sorry this is long. I needed to vent.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
Awwwww, poor thing, I think most of us have been there and it SUCKS! Unfortunately, there’s not too much you can do except vent to Weddingbee and try and move past it somehow…It’s definitely a frustrating situation to have so little control over something so important in one’s life…
Don’t stress about having to move your wedding date for your bf’s preggo friends, that’s so far in the future and only making things worse…
All I can say is that waiting seriously seriously blows but it is soooo worth it in the end when he does propose! And New Years isn’t even that far away, my then-bf gave me a year window…So hold tight, it will happen soon!!
Post # 4
Hey paigesprinkles…first of all, welcome to Weddingbee…so glad you decided to chime in!
I know its rough…my FI and I were together for 7 years before he proposed (this past May)!!!!!! I bothered him forever, and he just wanted to take his sweet time.
If you truly love your FI, you will wait. He already mentioned that it will happen, so you know he has it in the back of his mind. You can’t push it…sometimes they just want to do it in their own time and way.
I hope things turn out well for you soon…it sounds like it will! And don’t be so rough on yourself about others getting engaged…this is engagement season, so you might see a lot more of them!
WB is here for you to vent…there are a lot of others in the same boat as you…so vent!
Post # 5
((HUGS)) welcome to the hive dear! we have all been there at one time or the other. i promise your time is coming!! go get a great manicure, take a relaxing bubble bath and grab a great book to get your mind off of things. If he said it’s coming before new years, that’s like less than six weeks away i think?! how exciting!! come here and vent your frustrations because it will make you feel tons better and I promise you you aren’t the only one waiting to get engaged, there are tons of us here wishing and hoping, thinking and praying.. well you know the song 😉
Post # 6
So, first of all I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. Now, please do NOT take this the wrong way, but you really need to allow yourself calm down…for your own good! I got engaged in August, and admittedly I wasn’t obsessing over it before, but I can understand the feelings you are having. We were together almost 5 years before we got engaged and yes, at times I was very curious when he would ask. My advice to you is to feel absolutely blessed and lucky that you have found the man you are going to marry. Some women wait a long time before they even find “the one” and you are already there. If you obsess over it, it will (and seems to already have) take the fun out of one of the most important moments in your life! You should be excited to know that it will happen, but let him surprise you, let him make the moment unforgetable and amazing! Try to remember why you want to be married in the first place, it’s not for the sake of saying you are married, it’s b/c you’ve found your soul mate! If you keep that in the forefront of your mind, jealousy won’t happen. You will realize that the same things you want in life and will have one day soon are happening for someone else…just be happy for your friends! Good luck, try to remember the things I’m telling you, they are coming from a loving and (hopefully) helpful place. Cheers to you and I can’t wait to hear all about it when you get engaged!!
Post # 7
Hi! Welcome! I was where you are now the other day. Worrying about when he will propose sucks the fun out of waiting. My bf told me that he would propose by Christmas and I freak out more and more everyday. We talked about it and I realized that me getting all freaked out will do nothing to help me get engaged any sooner, and him not really paying attentioned to how I am feeling will not keep me from freaking out.
I have justed started to focus on setting a realistic budget for the actual wedding because that is all that I have control over right now. He has control over the proposal so I just need to step back.
It will work out for you! We are so close to the finish line!!!
Post # 8
Thank you for the thoughts and advice ladies! I felt better after I posted it. I think not having anyone to talk to about this has made it harder. Just admitting I am feeling crazy calms me down. I wanted to mention that I am not actually stressed about the whole wedding date near his best friend having a baby thing. It just popped into my head one day. I am more stressed that I actually had a moment of panic about it, I mean honestly, how ridiculous. What kind of person would think something like that? Also, I realized another reason the stress is getting to me. my living situation is a bit up in the air. My and the boy have discussed that we won’t move in together until we are engaged. I need to move out of my house by the end of January, and I have been sort of looking for a new roommate. Well, the bf keeps telling me not to look and not to worry about it. He wants us to live together, and if he is planning to get engaged soon that would work. Unfortunately, there is always a chance he will change his mind or not do it and in that case I need a back up plan. It is annoying to feel like I don’t have control over my life. Thankfully, reading some of you girls posts makes me feel lots better. I am going to try to chill a bit and also I am on with the Christmas challenge. I have been good lately about not mentioning anything to him. Thank you!
Post # 9
Don’t worry, we all have our crazy times! 🙂 Try to focus on other things to get your mind off it. Like working out so you look super hot when he does pop the question! And with the holidays here, there is lots to do. Shop for presents, bake, catch up with old friends and family. It really does sound like you will be engaged by New Years, but if you are so worried about, sit down and talk to him. Tell him how you are feeling and that you need to know because you have to get a new place at the end of January, etc. Try not to worry though, just relax and enjoy the holidays. I’m sure you have nothing to worry about, so enjoy this time!!!
Post # 10
paige – HUGS!!! welcome to the hive and the emotional rollercoaster that is waiting to be engaged. i totally understand how you’re feeling and it’s completely normal. i was in your shoes just a few short months ago and i fear with an impending announcement of his best friend’s engagement and weedding plans, i’m going hit another rough patch! i’m glad you came to wedding bee because you are not alone. it’s a stressful time but there’s lots of support here! in terms of your situation, i think it might be beneficial to talk to you BF about but in a constructive, supportive, nonaccusatory e.g. “I really can’t wait to marry because I love you so much, etc, etc but I feel really sad when I hear about other people getting engaged and having babies because I want to be at that stage in my life very soon.” Sometimes positive reinforcement coupled with your feelings (that are independent fo his actions) is the best way to approach it. And rather than coonstantly talking about it, if that makes him uncomfortable, maybe have a monthly or bi-monthly check-in conversation about where you’re at. it definietly helps to get it off your chest, and i, too, have had few other people to talk to about my situation (mostly because 90% of my friends are already marreid or engaged). but don’t be afraid to tell your BF how you’re feeling if for no other reason than to get it out of your system.
keep your chin up and try not to stress tooo much about it. i know, easier said than done, but we’re here for ya!
Post # 11
Hi Paige- I can totally relate to how you’re feeling. Before we were engaged, literally every single one of his friends was either engaged or married at that point. We all went out one night and I seriously almost started crying when I looked around at all the girl’s hands and every single one of them had an engagement ring but me! And the weeks leading up to the engagement where sheer torture. I knew it was coming, but now when…torture!! I have no advice for you b/c I honestly didn’t handle the waiting too well, but I promise, after it’s all said and done it is sooo worth it, I promise! Now, I can barely even remember how tortureous that time was….(barely!)
Post # 12
Yeah, I totally freaked out on current FI one day. I hear you.
Couple things to keep in mind:
– while the waiting sucks, men do take this moment seriously, consider that he is probably scheming
– just tell yourself it is going to happen, and it doesn’t matter if it Dec. 31 or Dec. 15. Really, really, really
– the ring just may not be ready, mine took months longer than expected, and the moment FI told me that, the anxiety melted away
– you are not alone, I am generally a hyper-rationale person, and I freaked out like something off a reality TV show, no joke
Post # 13
I am totally right there with you. The boy and I have been together 6 years! We finally started talking about marriage and that we feel ready last summer. We went ring shopping and decided to design a custom ring. We placed the order back in November. It has been sooo hard waiting knowing that it is coming. I think it almost would be better not to know (although it is my own fault, I pushed it bc I felt like it was time after that long to put up or shut up).
I bug the boy constantly, luckily WB has helped me not talk about it with him so much. I also agree with trugem. You know it is coming so just focus on what you do have control over. Budget, colors, wedding party, etc… You will be prepared when the time comes and not have such a crazy time planning!
Breathe. It is coming. The best thing I read that really helps me calm down is remember this, “this is the last Christmas you’ll be a single gal” So, enjoy it. Do all those things that you won’t be able to do as much of when your busy moving in and planning a wedding!
Post # 14
welcome to weddingbee, theres always ladies here to help!
I know how you feel, i long to be engaged and be in that next stage of life! its not gonna happen just yet though and what you and i need to do is just learn to enjoy “girlfriendhood”. youre with him, the love of your life, hes yours! be happy about that!