Post # 1
So I’ve been reading the blogs on here for a few weeks and am realizing it might be even more benefitual for me to get this all out and get some of your all’s thoughts on it, and because I feel foolish bringing it up to my friends. Here’s the background info on my SO and I: I’m 22 and graduating college in May, he’s 24, has his associate degree, works full time, and has recently began going to school online to finish his bachelors. We’re from the same small town where both of our families go to church together, etc, etc. And currently I live 2.5 hours away (until end of May). We’ve been dating since April 2009.
Reason for my frustration: So we began discussing future and marriage with no intentions just talking about it here and there. Then in Sept. it become more serious because he kept saying he was ready for me to move back around home, to be with him, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to move back there so I told him that I couldn’t make that type of committment unless there was a stronger committment between us (engagement). He said before this time next year he’d propose, but it seemed to be an unspoken agreement that it would be at least before May. It’s now Febraury and nothing and Valentine’s Day won’t have anything, because he doesn’t even like that holiday he says. It’s just really hard because we’ve looked some at rings, I’ve given him pics of what I like (per his request) and we’ve even decided that we’d like to get married in October, he also brought that up with orginally wanting September. He had talked and talked about it up until after Christmas and now we don’t talk about it but here and there. Just numerous things about the situation are so frustrating and it seemed like so many women on here are going through similar things which makes it really nice to know I’m not the only one.
Post # 3
i understand your frustrations. He is waiting for something….maybe he is saving up the $. Which that is good you dotn want a guy who will just put everything on credit. my Fiance waited until he could fork up the 3000 on it. i appreciate the fact that he took the time and commitment to saving that much money instead of just putting it on credit. that could be the case here… 😀
Post # 4
Have patience…waiting is hard but it’s worth it in the end. Welcome to the bee.
Post # 5
It sounds to me like you need to slow down and figure out what you want. I noticed in the way you wrote your post that most of this engagement and moving back home thing was his idea. You are still pretty young and if you aren’t 100% committed to the relationship, its not fair for either one of you to just “settle”.
There’s no rush and there’s no race, so just take you time and talk with him about what you want to do after you graduate college. How do you really feel about being married less than a year from now?
Post # 6
Welcome! I think you’ve found the right place! As hard as it is, be patient and don’t rush. If he feels pressured he may end up waiting longer than planned. I think he has something up his sleeve, though. ; )
Post # 7
If that was true I would actually be completely fine with him waiting so he could save money… but that’s not the case. He got a very nice promotion in October and is making quite a bit more now and his tax return… all of which he has already decided to spend on other things which he has been going on and on about for the last few weeks. And it hurts when he wants to talk about how ready he is for us to move forward and just be able to enjoy being together (we won’t move in together until we’re married out of respect to our families wishes) I just want something to show for all this talk.
Post # 8
I don’t know if you’ve seen Mr. Bee’s three step plan, but it would definitely help you.
Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan (and Backup Plan!) for getting engaged
Post # 9
You’re 22 and you guys have been dating less than a year – what’s the rush? We started talking about marriage on one of our first dates, and he brought it up frequently, but that doesn’t mean I expected a proposal after only a few months. I understand where you’re coming from because I’m your age and I figured out very early on that my Fiance was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But many women wait for 2,3, 5+ years, and there’s really NO reason for you to be frustrated right now. I would enjoy the relationship and give it time. And once you do get engaged, you could wait a couple of years before the wedding…just a thought 🙂
Post # 10
Thanks ladies for being so welcoming. It was his idea, but it is something I know I want, more than anything honestly, we’re completely perfect for each other and he makes me feel like no one else ever has or ever will. I’ve told him that if he’s not ready then I’m completely ok with that also, I won’t mind waiting as long as he’s ok with me not planning my life around his wants for me to be there, which is actually what I want but don’t want to limit myself if it were to ever become single again (if that makes sense). Anyways, I’m just glad I’ve found somewhere I can vent and get some feedback so I don’t start bringing it up all the time and pressuring him making it harder on us.
Post # 11
Honestly, I think he isn’t talking about it because he wants you to forget about it so that it will be a suprise for you. Have you seen Mr. Bee’s 3 Step Plan for Getting Engaged? It’s so true.
Post # 12
@lulu10: if nothing else, this is a great place to vent. Lots of fellow ladies-in-waiting with sympathetic ears (eyes?).