@bebero: Whoa, I totally disagree with that statement, and so does my husband, who earns all the money for our family. Because while he is at work earning money, I am at home taking care of our daughter, which is just as important for our family as his job. He would never suggest that he had more “power” than I do, and he would never get away with acting as if that were the case.
@SamanthaLovesJames: Being a SAHM is hard, and having a young baby is hard, so I really feel for you! Your husband needs to have a real “come to Jesus” moment. There are two issues here: first, that he is neglecting his relationship with you, and second, he is neglecting his relationship with his daughter.
It is SUPER important to nurture your marriage during this time. Studies show that the most unhappy period of a marriage is right after a new baby is born, especially the first baby, so you and your husband need to be putting more time into each other than ever. Studies also show that the number one predictor of a child’s success later in life is whether or not they grew up in a happy home with parents who had a loving relationship. You need to talk with him about what both of you need in order to feel loved and to nurture your marriage. He needs to know that this is an extremely challenging time and it’s really important to be vigilant about keeping your marriage healthy.
Second, he needs to know that taking care of a baby is a full-time job that doesn’t end. When he is working at his job, you are working at yours. HOWEVER when he is not working, he needs to be splitting the childcare duties with you (or other household duties like chores) and not just out doing whatever he wants. If he gets to go out and have fun, you should get to do the same for an equal amount of time, while he takes care of the baby. You and he can each have designated time to yourselves, and you should also make sure to have plenty of time when both of you are home with the baby. Family time is important, and really fun. Your husband may not think the baby needs him because she is so little, but he needs to bond with her now in order to have a good relationship with her as she grows up. She also needs to see her parents together and in love.
Your husband needs to realize how hard your job of being a SAHM is. You might want to try leaving him in charge of the baby for a whole day. Let him do EVERYTHING himself just so he can see how hard your job is every day, and that it doesn’t just stop when his work day is over.
For yourself, try to get out during the day as much as you can. Join a playgroup– I’m part of a local playgroup that I found on Meetup. Take the baby out to run errands, browse bookstores, take walks. Don’t stay cooped up in the house, that just makes the days seem so much longer.
You really need to sit your husband down and have a big talk about all of this. If he seems resistant I would even insist on seeing a counselor. This time is so important in the lives of your family, and he needs to realize it.
I am a SAHM with a 10-month-old daughter. My husband has always been a really hands-on dad, but we did have trouble putting our marriage first and finding time to focus on each other. We fought a lot in the first few months, and withdrew from each other when we were stressed out, and it was really bad for our marriage. We had several long talks about it and we have to constantly work on putting our marriage first because we know that’s what our daughter needs. It’s still a challenge but we make it a priority. For us that means setting aside time every week to spend time alone together (whether we get a babysitter and go out, or just have an at-home date after the baby is asleep), and making sure to talk to each other about everything that’s going on in our lives and everything that stresses us out. We also schedule sex for a minimum number of times per week, no excuses. And if one of us wants to go out with friends or has other things we need to do, we make sure to let the other person know early in advance and make sure it’s okay. All this is necessary to keep our marriage and in turn, our family, strong.
Sorry about the long novel I just wrote. I hope it’s helpful and I wish you the best!