New baby and relationship changes

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

For my husband and I, there has definitely been a decrease in the dating romance. We have very rarely left the baby with a sitter so we can go out on a date (I think 3-4 times and our son is 13 months old). When we go out with the baby, it sometimes feels like we have to take shifts eating because he doesn’t want to stay in a high chair so one of us has to hold him while the other eats. That’s not so fun.

But, I do love seeing my husband be a dad and that makes me love him so much in a new way! I think the newborn phase was not as fun for my husband, but now that our son can play and be tossed up in the air, my huband has a ball with him. There is no sound in this world I love more than my hearing my husband play with the baby and the baby starts laughing hysterically.

Also, my son is now sleeping better, so we are able to rent and watch entire movies without interuption now, which is awesome. It’s nice to be able to focus on snuggling with each other sometimes.

Post # 4
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@oceanblue:  It is definitely a change. I was no picnic the first few weeks. The post partum hormones were killer and I was definitely snappier/more emotional during those times. Luckily my husband was understanding and tried to help during my meltdowns. What has really helped us is having baby girl sleep in her crib. She is also asleep by 7:30. Once she is in bed we have the rest of the night to just be husband and wife. I never realized how much I needed that until the we tried having baby sleep with us. I felt like there was no us time, since the baby was with us up until bedtime, then in our bedroom so we couldn’t do our usual snuggle/talk about the day, and DH would end up leaving the bedroom everynight and I’d be in bed alone. I desperately missed him. We also make sure to DTD regularly which helps us stay physically connected. At 6 months we’ve definitely fallen in to our new normal. Things are good!

Post # 5
Member
844 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@oceanblue:  Hey… just want to give you my two cents… We have an 11 month old (will be 1 this month) and I am currently pregnant with our second child.

 

Everything changes. Before baby, it’s all about you and your hubby. You can go and do as you please. Obviously, once the baby comes, things change. It is no longer about you two. You now have to care for this little baby who relies on you for everything. We have learned that if you dwell on that, you will be sad more often than not. For my husband and I, it’s not that things changed for the worst, we just have a new “normal”. We love being parents but we also know that it is important to also remember that we are married and have to continue to nourish that relationship as well.

 

We still do date night. The baby sitter offers that once or twice a month where they keep all the kids until about 10pm so the parents can go out on a date. Also, my niece watches the baby from time to time so we can catch a movie and dinner or whatever we want to do.

 

When you become a new mother, you are tired a lot especially if the baby isn’t sleeping thru the nights. I just kept telling myself that “this will eventually change”… they DO get to the point where the sleep thru the night. Right now, my son goes to bed by 8:30-9:00 and we spend some time with each other during that time with just each other.

 

It’s does get better but it is what you make it. Changes in the beginning are never easy. I found that if you change the way you look at things, it is easier to adapt. We soon will have 2 kids under 2 and we know that it will be a challenge. However, it is a challenge that we are willing to take on.

 

Last note….. if you do have someone who can keep the baby from time to time (a parent, sister, etc)… definitely take advantage of that. You might feel weird leaving at first BUT please do take that time for you and your hubby. It is necessary.

 

Good luck.

 

Post # 6
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We don’t have our LO yet but we’re close! I’m sure it will change everything, as others have said. But our daycare offers “parents nights out” for $5/night once a month, so hopefully that will enable us to stay connected as a couple–we’ll see!

Post # 7
Member
856 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@oceanblue:  Its definitely a change! We make date nights a priority. My parents are 15 minutes away and very willing babysitters so we’re very lucky. We go out alone at least once a month. We go to a nice place for dinner and usually do drinks or dessert elsewhere after dinner to stretch the night out. Sometimes we leave our daughter overnight w my parents so we don’t feel the need to rush home to relieve them. We are also blessed with an awesome sleeper so from 6:30pm to 7am our daughter sleeps like a dream. Usually on Friday nights after she’s in bed we order food and sit and eat together and discuss our weeks. 

Some other awesome changes were that my husband is so amazing with our daughter and its so fun to watch! He’s awesome with her and it makes me love him that much more. We are sure to appreciate each other. I’m a SAHM and my husband always thanks me for house stuff and baby stuff that I do. I am always sure to thank him and tell him how much I appreciate him when he has a late night at work or when he’s had a rough week and jumps out of bed at 7am on Saturday morning to hang out w our daughter. 

Post # 8
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@KitKatNYC:  Thank you for this post!  When I start thinking about life once our baby gets here, I start getting nervous. However, posts like yours make me so excited. I know DH will make a fantastic dad, and hearing that you’re able to find time to snuggle during a movie together brings me so much hope.

Post # 8
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

It’s been a super difficult transition  for us. 🙁

Post # 9
Hostess
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Posting to follow because I’d be a complete liar if I said I wasn’t a little worried about this. 

Post # 10
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Also posting to follow. We aren’t even TTC yet and I’m nervous about this. As unnatural as it sounds we plan to try to make our priorities 1) Me 2) Spouse 3) Child. We’ll see if that actually works. But I think it’s easy to let a marriage languish in the wake of caring for a child. It’s great to hear that so many of PPs are able to continue date nights and continue building their relationship with their spouse.

Post # 12
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

oceanblue:  Yep..I am commenting to follow as I have the same problem 🙁

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