- 6 years ago
I don’t really know where to start, but I’ve been with my SO for almost a year and a half, I know it isn’t a super long time, but we’re both 35 and I’ll be 36 in a few months so things move a little more quickly. Our relationship has been great and he is a wonderful man. We don’t live together and agreed to wait until we were married for all that. We’ve been discussing marriage and a future, but this past weekend he said some things which make me feel like he’s just saying things to say them and there is no real meaning behind it. We did have a timeline discussion a little while back and I thought we were on the same page about being engaged by our two year anniversary which is now only seven months away.
Anyways, HE brought up the ring conversation a while back on his own and we touched on budget and style, I sent him a few examples of what I wanted, antique rings, and he said he liked them and that the pricing was fine etc. He even joked that the amount of the ring was a “drop in the bucket”. He asked me to send him my favorite and said he liked it alot too, asked for my ring size, the whole nine yards. I made sure to just send him a few examples one time and not overload him with ring obessesion. I was on cloud nine thinking he was really serious about doing this.
Anyways, it came up again this past weekend in conversation after weeks of no discussion and he suddenly mentioned that the ones I had picked were all way too expensive and it was painfully apparent he had made absolutely no effort to look into anything ring related nor had a desire to do so. I know money and the ring are not the most important things by any means, but my SO makes a very decent salary with plenty of savings and honestly, the rings we were BOTH looking at are easily affordable and far less than a month’s salary, not to mention something we had agreed on, so I don’t really think it is the money but more or less an excuse not to pull the trigger. He is indecisive about almost everything from apartments, cars, clothes, anything really, and he also talks about doing a lot of things but never does them. I feel like the ring conversation was more of the same. If I really thought it was about the money, I would look at another price bracket for rings but again, I don’t think it is, I feel like its his indifference about all of it.
He also mentioned in passing that thinking about marriage and the future stresses him out a little but said that any big change would be a bit stressful. We’ve only had pleasant conversations but it took me back a bit because I thought we were on a track to be engaged fairly soon based on our conversations and nothing is pointing in that direction.
Anyways, I am just feeling like none of this is something he is excited or serious about doing and that all the talk before was just that, talk with no intent of real action. The comment about the ring makes me (and anything to do with a proposal) feel like some sort of huge chore rather than something he actually is excited to do and I just feel deflated about all of it. I deleted the links to the rings we had looked at and anything wedding related we had talked about that I had bookmarked on my computer because I just feel like this isn’t going to really happen and I’m starting to feel like a fool. We haven’t had any arguments about any of this but I feel like I’m getting close to that point and i hate that.
I have already started on the Mr. Bees Plan and am going to throw myself into my work and personal life even more and try to put all of this out of my mind. I am at the point where it doesn’t even seem exciting anymore because I don’t think we are on the same page. I wish I could feel secure that he is actually going to propose but I’m having a really hard time convincing myself of that right now.
Thanks for letting me rant and whine. I can’t talk to anyone in real life about this. It also doesn’t help that my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday (stage one so hopeful) so this has just been a big pile on of things.