Post # 1
Not that I don’t feel for those bees in their 20s wanting a ring, but I think it’s a whole other ball game when you’re in your 30s and are ringless. I’m 34 and have been dating my SO for almost 6 yrs (in Oct). I get a little cranky when I see girls a lot younger than me and who’ve been dating their SO for a much shorter period of time than I have complaining that they haven’t been proposed to yet. Call me when you’re over 30 and have been dating for more than a couple of years! Can anyone here relate?!?
Oh & for those wondering, yes I’ve talked to my SO about my wanting to get engaged/married many times. Right now it’s mostly financial reasons why he hasn’t popped the question yet. I was recently unemployed for almost 2 years and racked up a lot of credit card debt in that time. He also has few loans out and just had to lease a new car a few weeks ago b/c the transmission on his car died (& his car had over 160,000 miles on it already). He wants to buy me something nice so he is trying to save up some money first. But I think I’ve made it pretty clear to him that I want a ring by the end of this year or it’s not gonna be pretty…
Post # 3
I could relate, and I defintiely understand what you mean by a “whole other ball game”.
I was 30 when my FI proposed and we had been together 7 years at that point. It was partly my age that made me have some serious conversations with him in the months leading up to the engagement. If you want biological childern, and you want them after you’re married age plays a huge role in the timing of certain events. Something that my FI just didn’t seem to understand.
I hope you guys get engaged soon. Would he consider proposing with out a ring? Or maybe propose with a wedding band, and then get the engagement ring before the wedding?
Post # 4
oh yes, I can definitely relate! I will be 34 in October and BF just turned 37. We have been together 4.5 years and living together for 3.5. We chose the setting and he had me choose between 2 diamonds last September. He basically has until September of this year to propose or we are having the come to Jesus talk. At my age and wanting at least 1 child, I just can’t do this anymore. He told me it’s coming soon though so I am trying to be patient for a little while longer.
The thing that sucks is that at this age and point, we’ve hashed it out so many times that i just feel like when he does it I’ll be like FINALLY! and the element of surprise is sorta gone. At this point though I don’t care LOL The end game for me isn’t really the engagement anyway, it’s the marriage so as long as we get there then I’ll be ok wiht however it happens.
Have you let SO know that you might be open to other options (ie: place holder ring, moissy, colored gem stone) if you are so that he doesn’t feel pressured to buy some big diamond? I know BF was scared to death at the jewelry store and it wasn’t till I reassured him I was good with whatever budget he gave me and that even if i had to do a CZ in the right setting until we could afford it, I’d be ok. It seemed to settle him down that I wasn’t all about the ring and that I had his best interest in mind too.
Post # 5
Right there with you! I’m 30 & SO is 32. We’ve been together 5 1/2 years. We have also had “talks” and I am now in the (im)patiently waiting stage while the ball is in his court. He knows how I feel, and now I’ve given him some breathing room and time to think without me pestering him. I plan on being good until February when our lease is up, and if things don’t seem like they’re on the right track, he knows we’ll have to discuss whether we’re resigning together. I love him, and care about him more than anyone I’ve ever been with, so this has been a difficult time but we are BOTH working on communicating and our relationship.
Post # 6
Also a member of this club! I’m 31 and my SO is 32 and yeah, it is hard to be patient when time is literally not on your side. It’s also something men can’t really understand because they don’t have the same issue with age, etc. it’s also puzzling how several years of being together as adults over the age of 25 does not say “ready” to guys. i want to shake him and say, “you’re ready! even if you don’t know it, this is as ready as you are going to get!” I relate to all the posts above. frustrating!
Post # 7
Hey ladies! *waves*
Taylor4 – I’m not sure if he’d propose without the ring. I think he feels the 2 go together, and I kind of feel the same. I mean, if he asked me tomorrow and didn’t have a ring, I’d def say yes! But I don’t think he’d do it without the ring anyway. Good for you for having the patience to wait 7 yrs to get engaged!
norcal07 – I hope he comes to his senses & pops the question by September! Just a few more months! I have told SO that I don’t need a big and/or expensive riing many times, but he doesn’t always listen LOL. I think he has a price range in mind already knowing him, and he’s stubborn so I just gotta wait till he can afford it
emerald – welcome to the club, yay! I totally agree that men can NOT understand what we’re feeling & why age matters to us so much. I’m with you on wanting to shake my SO sometimes!
Post # 8
Hey BrandiQ, I missed your post. It is such a pain when you’ve told them what u want and now all you can do is wait. But good for you for communicating your feelings to him! Hopefully you wont have to wait until Feb for something to happen!
Post # 9
I’m 34 just got engaged a few weeks ago and found out I was pregnant yesterday so double whammy of 2 firsts in a short space of time lol. I have to say though looking back on my life now, I’m glad I didn’t get married and have kids in my twenties because I have a completely different outlook on life these days. Had I got engaged and pregnant at 24 I would not have been mature enough to make it all last.
Post # 10
I was in this club last year. He proposed after 6 years together when I was 34. We got married 4 months later because I was in such a rush to get married. I regret rushing him because we didn’t get to enjoy the time of being engaged and savouring the moment. If I could do it again, I would let him do it his way on his timeline weather I was 35 or 40. It’s not like he was going anywhere without me 🙂
It was hard not to compare myself to younger engaged ladies and being a little envious as if I wasn’t good enough to be a wife. However, I was wrong, I don’t like wife status because now everyone is wondering when we are having babies, lol
BTW, that beautiful ring he spent his entire savings on I lost within 8 months of getting it. Lessons learned stick to $10 sunglasses and jewellery under $500 so it is replaceable. Material things do not make the relationship bond or the marriage work, we do 🙂
Post # 11
35 here, SO is 44. Been together a little over a year but have been friends for over 6. I am an impatient girl so I FEEL YA! I just need to tell myself to trust everything will happen in the time it was meant to happen. 🙂
Post # 12
Yep, 31 here, SO 34, been together for 4 yrs come this December. Financial reasons right now. It was just waiting, til the recession hit home.Damn economy is getting on my nerves.
Post # 13
I can definitely relate!! I’ll be 32 on monday 🙁 SO and I haven’t been dating as long as you ladies have, 9 months for us, so we’re almost at a year. BUT…I have 4 kids, and my reasoning is if you aren’t going to spend your life with me, then leave before they get too attached. Unfortunately that’s too late, we’re all attached, but things are going super super super well between us and I’m pretty sure a proposal is coming by the end of the year 🙂
I’ve had 3 friends/relatives get engaged last month and 3 more earlier this year, and they’re all younger than me. it’s awful, and I’ve had a really really hard time with it. Maybe my situation is different though because I am a single widowed mother…I’m tired of being alone, and I want to start our life together. We’re not living together either, so it just…it just needs to happen sometime soon lol
Post # 14
@stargazer102706: i’m in my 30’s welcome =)
Post # 15
31 here and waiting – we have a mutual timeline for TTC and getting married, but none for a proposal yet (he wants to surprise me) it should be in the next year to keep all other things on track. He’s been warned I need a year to plan! I’m thinking he’ll propose sometime in 2013 at least.
I don’t feel too bad about waiting since he’s initiated discussions about marriage and his intentions, but I sort of wish we could get this show on the road! The bee so great – I can get my wedding fix without talking about weddings all the time to my friends – something I won’t do until there’s an actual ring on my hand.
Post # 16
I’m in my late 20s but have dated men in their 30s. Honestly, if they *want* to get married and they “don’t know” after spending a couple years with you, something is wrong. I would not be in my 30s and wait for someone to decide about me for years. Heck, I didn’t even do that in my mid-20s.
With that said, it *is* frustrating to see women in their early 20s freaking out because they’ve been with their SOs for “like, forever!” and haven’t been proposed to yet.