- 5 years ago
Well, this is going to be a doozy of a first post.
Summary: My partner and I have been together for four and a half years, have known each other for seven. We graduated from Ivy colleges in 2010, and I landed a well-paying job in 2011. He’s struggled, and has only found intermittent work, nothing he’s passionate about, nothing long-term or lucrative.
We’ve been living together for 3 1/2 years, we have a pet. We’re happy and secure, and have similar views on the very important things…except, apparently, about engagement.
We discussed getting engaged before the end of 2013, and he seemed on board with the timeline, though when we discussed it, he thought he would be gainfully employed by now. In our relationship, we split everything straight down the middle – groceries, rent, dinner dates, furniture, etc. Lately his finances have been not great, so I’ve been picking up the slack – mostly with groceries and meals out, mainly the “luxuries” like movies and dates.
The more I thought about our (hopefully) forthcoming engagement, the more I realized how unfair it was – why should I be bought a x-thousand dollar bauble just because I’m the woman in the relationship? Why should he have to buy it because he’s the man?
We plan to split wedding costs, home downpayment, mortgage, utilities, everything, so why not this?
I asked him about opening a shared short-term savings account for the ring, and he was vehemently opposed. He said that he was the man, it should be up to him to buy the ring, and when to propose.
We fought, and didn’t get anywhere.
Fellow waiting-bees, am I being ridiculous wanting to pay for half my ring? It’s part of our “wedding fees” or our marriage fees, why shouldn’t I pay half? Not to mention that this will probably lead to it happening sooner, with my financial contributions into the account. Is this an immasculating thing? Am I being a ball-buster? Or is he chickening out because it’s out of his control and could happen sooner? I don’t understand! The actual proposal would still be up to him!