New bee here! Lady (impatiently) waiting

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Welcome to the BEE!

This is definitely the place to come and get all this off your chest. Lots of good listeners here!

I have no advice– it’s such a tricky situation, waiting is. Sigh! But it sounds like your guy is responsible and committed– just has his reasons for taking his time. it will happen!

Post # 5
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Welcome : ) I’m sorry I’m not very good with advice on this, I’m proving to be terrible at waiting, and it’s only been a month lol. 

This is a great place for advice and venting though : ) Everytime I want to speak about it to SO I come on here and read or post lol

Post # 6
24 posts

I don’t really have much advice to give but welcome to the board. 

Post # 8
536 posts
Busy bee

I would be soooooo upset if my SO booked an expensive trip while supposedly saving for a ring!! Especially for a bachelor party… Guess he’s not tired of THAT part of a wedding eh? Lol.  No real advice here, just commiserating with you. Welcome to the boards!  You’ll find lots of supportive ladies here and someone that’s sure to be able to give better advice than I can :-). Oh and if you haven’t already, check out Mr. Bee’s guide on getting engaged. I think it’s stickied on the waiting board.

Post # 9
7896 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

read mr.Bees plan. Bringing it up or “nagging” as they see it will only delay it more! get a walk date in your head (don’t tell him about it)  and stick to it. 

Post # 10
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi @Carob83:  First and foremost as you are NEW to WBee… a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”

(( HUGS )) to you…

I hear your Frustration… and I get it.

At 30 & 32, and 4 years Dating (and 1-1/2 Years of Living Together) … this Man should KNOW where his relationship stands with you… and be able to express that.

Statistically… Men generally KNOW somewhere in the 12 to 18 month timeframe from starting to date someone if they are THE ONE (and occasionally, People just click and know from the get go)

Your guy sadly is stalling.  Which means either:

(a) He isn’t into getting Married… at all


(b) He isn’t into getting Married to you

(sorry)… I know this can be hard to hear.

If you want Marriage in your future and kids, then you may want to STOP WASTING TIME ON THIS GUY

He agrees to get Engaged by your 30th Birthday (November 2013) but doesn’t

Truth is… If he isn’t ready after 4 years… who’s to say he’ll be ready after 5… after 7… after 10

At what point do you realize that it is YOU who is keeping this relationship ON LIFE SUPPORT ?

If he can plan all sorts of things in his life, and have money to get them done… he can most certainly plan an Engagement and buy a ring.

He is stringing you along !!

My best advice… go out and buy yourself the following Book by Greg Behrendt of Sex And The City Fame:

He’s Just Not That Into You

And read it cover to cover (it is an easy read)… maybe read it twice.

You’ll find your BF is CLEARLY Featured in the Paragraph entitled… He’s Just Not That Into You IF He’s Not Marrying You

Your description is CLASSIC… Greg goes into depth on WHY this is happening… and how it is at a standstill that most likely won’t change (even if you pack up and leave him)

As Greg says… Stop Wasting “the Pretty” (your youth) on Men that Don’t DESERVE It !!

Time to move on.  And find a man that wants not only Marriage in his future… but he wants it with WONDERFUL YOU

After you’ve devoured Greg’s Book… go out and find this one (you might want to buy it so you can do the Quizes, highlight sections, write in the margins etc).  It is the ultimate guide to figuring out WHO you are… and WHO YOU WANT to spend your life with… and HOW to make it happen

Dr Phil’s = Love Smart ~ Find The One You Want – Fix the one you got

And 2 other Great Books I regularly recommend here on WBee… are by Steve Harvey

Act Like A Lady – Think Like A Man


Straight Talk, No Chaser

All of these books are written by Men for Women… and deal with HOW MEN THINK… they’ll give you the inside scoop / edge… so you can quickly figure out the Winners from Losers, and Dating Tips so you can sort thru possibilities and target those men that have the most potential, and are most like yourself in regards to Compatibility – Values – Goals etc.

I mean seriously… you don’t want to take years with “happen chance” Dating when you are 30 do you ?

I know this stuff is hard to hear… but you don’t have to set an Ultimatium for him (that sh!t never works).  You just have to set a Standard for yourself.

You guys have had the LIFE PLAN & TIMELINE Talk, he’s clearly not onboard.

Time therefore to adjust your priorities and focus on YOU and YOUR NEEDS


Make it happen in 2014 !!

((( HUGS )))


Post # 11
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s ok that he doesn’t want to be engaged yet, but when does he? Its not fair that he gets to control the timeline and you just have to be quiet and trust him. You’ve trusted him already for 4 years. You read all the time about Bees who wait 6 or 8 years and all the while their biological clocks are ticking. Would you be ok with that? I understand all the upcoming weddings will put a strain on your finances, but you can get engaged in 2014 and marry in 2015. 

Post # 14
405 posts
Helper bee

@Carob83:  This is (almost) 2014, and you don’t have to sit around waiting him to propose.  You get to have a say in your future.  You guys definitely need to have a serious chat.  Tell him that it’s unfair for you to wait around having NO IDEA what his plans are.  You guys should map out your plans together.  Like, engagement happens 2014, wedding happens 2016, babies happen 2018.  Something like that.

That’s pretty much all my advice, but good luck. 

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