(Closed) new bee in need of advice !

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wow, there are no words…This would NOT be ok. You are his wife now, he needs to put you first! He knew it would be a difficult situation with his parents when he decided to marry you, so he needs to deal with this. Did he think you guys just had a big fun party where you wear a white dress for nothing? No, this is a marriage, it takes work and now is the time to put in that effort – otherwise it feels more of an empty promise to me. 

Put your foot down, if it was me I’d give him a hard deadline of when you two will be moving into your own place. 

Post # 4
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Tell him you understand his fears with his parents, but living apart is not acceptable to you.  What did you agree to before you got married (regarding your living situation after you got married).  If you agreed to the seperation, then it’s not fair to demand anything else.  But, if you agreed to live together after you quit your job, then it’s time to move in that direction.  

What you are asking is not unreasonable.

Post # 5
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I really think you should seek opinions from your culture to get good advise here because you won’t get any of us to get this one. What in the world, that sounds crazy to the rest of us. I think you should be able to expect to live with your husband and not to live under his parents expectations. The two of you need to discuss what you each expect of this marriage and then it’s up to you if your willing to wait for him to become independent of his parents. In our culture we would be running to get an annulment. 🙁

Post # 6
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@bricon:  excellent point, bricon!

Post # 7
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014


In our culture marriage means bride and groom leave their families and start their own family/become one which includes living together as husband and wife.

If that is the “usual arrangement” in your culture also then you are understandably upset and rightfully so! In that case you would have every right to expect to be living with your husband and though I understand WHY he is making the choice (trying to please his difficult parents) that he is its not fair to you or to the marriage.  I also dont understand why he needs a reason/excuse to move out? Isnt the fact the he is married enough reason?

I feel for you.  I don’t know what your options are given your culture but I hope that you and your husband can come to a compromise where you two can live as husband and wife soon.

Good luck!

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