Post # 1
So I recently got enagaged in July 2013, and it was wonderful. I, like many others, have not been planning out my wedding since birth and never went on Pinterest. Planning a wedding was all new to me.
Instead of being easier, being like this can sometimes be way more difficult because of the amount of time it takes to research and become familiar with wedding terminology, etc. I work several jobs and try hard to save – so when I spend money I want to make sure it’s for something that is worthwhile. So unlike most people would think, I’m not terribly frugal because I would rather spend a couple hundred more and get something great than save a few pennies and get something awful.
That all being said – I knew I was going to dislike wedding planning because of all of this. It would take a lot of time (of the few hours I have right now when I’m not working), and obviously be less than enjoyable because it’s not something I gravitate towards.
Now I know wedding planning is not supposed to be 100% fun – that’s not the part that bothers me. It’s the assumption that I have to plan everything. Can we get a wedding planner? No, because we don’t need one – we’ll plan it. Or really? We? Because I’m pretty sure I’m the only one planning anything. And then people tell me who cares what other people say – it’s your day! It’s not my day – it’s our day. It’s our families day – because we are all joining together.
I was upset about this a month ago and sat my fiancee and mother down and told them they needed to help more. I showed them the “list” of things that needed to be done to plan this wedding and what they could do to help.
Nothing has changed. I just checked in with them about different aspects and neither of them have done anything in the past month. At this point – I’m ready to just stop planning. Most of the big parts are done, and really – if there are no linens, decorations, etc – doesn’t bother me. If they don’t care enough to help, then they won’t care when the day comes and he has no ring and the place looks empty.
I feel like I’m being crazy – but I don’t know how else to get help from people. I’m trying to make this fun and get everyone together, but my fiance and mother don’t seem to care about helping me. Thoughts?
Post # 3
@ducky244: First of all, WELCOME TO THE HIVE!
I’m sorry to hear about your situation.
Ducky I’m trying hard to put myself in your shoes. In most cases I read about on here…well, the problem is that brides know exactly what they want and have to deal with getting shut down from their FI or their MOMzilla who knows how they want the day to be. It’s interesting to see this from the other side of the situation.
I think if I were you I’d take about a week off from thinking or planning the wedding, and just see what develops.
Do you have bridesmaids? A Trusted MOH? I’m sure that there are other women or family members who would love to help. If nothing develops in a week, I’d take a bridesmaid/friend out for a drink, bring up the list and honestly ask for help. Heck, I’ll help you, do you have a color scheme? I’d love to get some practice in before planning my own wedding We can talk on here!! I’m not kidding! I’m obsessed and not engaged yet so what else am I to do with this energy haha!
And good luck!
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@ducky244: Hiring a wedding planner if it’s in your budget can make things way easier. Aside form that, choosing a venue that offers full service is another great option because they sometimes also offer a coordinator as part of their services.
And you can always post options on the Bee for feedback. Collecctively the Bees have a lot of experience and advice to give. If your FI and/or mother don’t like what you choose then ask where they were when you wanted their help to plan the wedding.
Post # 5
@veryberry13: Thanks for the response and the warm welcome =)
It’s definitely a situation of when you want something done right – do it yourself. They all tell me they want to help and ask how – and then when I tell them something to do I realize way later they haven’t done it or didn’t spend much time thinking about it. Which then make me wearier of asking them for help – which then means I’m doing everything on my own. I’m a teacher – cause and effect is pretty simple. So now I’m doing everything and they just give their opinion at the beginning (telling me what to do) or at the end (telling me my decision is wrong and I should change it).
The rings for example – we are getting them made from a special jeweler because my fiancé wanted them to have similar styles. I was talking to him one day about how I was stressed out about emailing all these people back and he begged me to let him take care of the rings. I just logged on to the website and he hasn’t done a thing! So what – I don’t say anything and a couple months before the wedding he realizes that he needs to do something, also realizes it’s too late and so we have to rush around panicking about it and just get something cheap and ready-made from a store?
These leads into another part of the problem – which is that I do feel like I’m trying to check off as many boxes as I can now so we can enjoy the time leading up to the wedding knowing that we have quality services/things and can sit back and relax. Everyone keeps telling me we can wait a couple months to do this – or decide on something now and change it later. But I don’t want to wait or change things later – I want to decide now and be done with it. I don’t know if maybe that is affecting things?
I have been able to ask a couple girlfriends – both my awesome MOH (who is currently single and never been a bridesmaid before) and my fiancé’s sister-in-law who is way into fashion. But when I do that I have to put everything together. Ex: here is a sampling of my colors and here is the list and pictures of different options for linens – what do you think I should do? Which then isn’t that helpful, because I still had to pick out a color theme by myself and talk to the different vendors for linen options/prices. At that point I might as well just pick basic colors and go with it w/o anyone’s opinion (because it doesn’t bother me too much what is actually looks like).
I’ve taken several weeks off now waiting for others to come up with things, but nothing is being done. They all asked me to start a Pinterest so we can all put up ideas – I hate Pinterest but I made one. Nobody looks at it or pins any ideas. Now I just contacted one of our top vendors and they said they are already booked (we waited too long).
Right now my biggest stressor is the table linens. My mom goes back and forth between wanting to save money (“Just use the light green banquet chairs that are in there!”) to wanting to spend more money because she doesn’t like my choice. Our colors are gray/navy blue/coral/khaki. The table linens and chair covers that our venue can order don’t match for whatever reason – so I picked a darker pewter gray matte finish (omg what am I talking about ;D ) for the table linens, a shiny nickel gray for the chair covers, and then navy blue for napkins/chair ties. That way we can pop the coral with flowers and table decorations. She doesn’t like the fact that the chairs don’t match the table linens, but shiny nickel gray is the only gray chair cover O.o And I hate talking colors! I can barely match my clothes every day let alone finding linens for an entire room.