I’m going to temper the PP’s post by saying he doesn’t want to marry you…. NOW. He still might, but ‘ll have to take a guess that ou’re both about 26-ish… meaning he might still be a couple years shy of the magic age when guys stop living the ‘college’ life, when their freinds start to get married, and they start to get marriage on the brain, too – around 28-35. I’m in a similar boat, dating since 19, his family IS my family in all but leagal fact, bt the more they push, the harder he resists, so the harder they push, meaning well but seriously messing things up. We’ve had a lot to get through, and I can honestly say I wasn’t ‘marriage-anxious’ until about 5 years ago, so I guess I’ve been ‘waiting’ only about that long. Also, it hasn’t helped that thought we’ve been together the longest, all of our friends have gone on to get engaged and married -we’re the last couple, save one.
I’m still with him becaue I love him and I can’t reconcile the idea of wanting to marry my BF with the idea of simply wanting to marry anyone. If I love him, flaws an all, and want to be with him, then I have to stay as per my own ideas of love and comitmment. If I honestly will accept the next warm body who comes along and might offer me a ring and a new name, did I really love my BF in the first place?
I know some ladies are able to move on and find what they want, and I know a lot of guys are terminally not interested in being husbands for a myriad of reasons. I’d reccomend setting benchmarks in your own head – you’ve given the BF your hopeful timeline and pushing or nagging him won’t make him more excited about it. Men like to feel they’ve arrived at a decision on their own, and unless they marry right out of college or high school they tend to be closer to 30 when they are intersted in it. Unfortunetly, it sounds like you’re really close in age, like my BF and me, so you are going to be ready a while before him – if you were with an older guy, there’d be a greater chance of him being ready when you are.
He knows what you want, look up Mr. Bee’s plan on here to maintain your sanity until you reach your benchmarks/timeline date of reassessment. Try to live day to day as if it’s not a big concern – don’t plaster the house with wedding pictures 😛 Give him some time to come around – but make up your mind how you will feel if a year comes and goes without even a proposal or a move in that direction. I agree with not issuing ultimatums, they are simply a poker bluff on which you can easily be called. If you think the relationship could survive a seperation of sorts, ie, moving out if you live together, the do so by your personal deadline. If as it approaches you want to share with him your intentions, then do so so he has a chance to amn up and step up… but you don’t want a guilt proposal, a ‘shut up’ ring or to wonder forever is he even really wanted to marry you.
I wish you luck, and think in many cases being honest like you have and then holding back 90% of the engagement and marraige questions you will be bursting will maybe egg him in the right direction without pushing him away by seeming to nag.