Post # 1
So I have been seeing this new guy for about 3 months and everything has been going great. He is in the proccess of getting a divorce and him and the ex have 2 kids. She has them majority and he gets them every other weekend and one day a week. My question is to you all have you ever been involved with someone who pays child support? He pays about $1400 a month which is alot. I am a strong believer that if you love someone enough you will make it work (not that we love each other yet), but I kind of want to hear others peoples advice and situations on how they dealt with it as that amount will definitely limit us finacially in our future should we stay together. Am I crazy for getting involved with him lol, I dont really have anyone to talk to about it or anyone who has been in this situation before.
Post # 2
asaw : There is no right answer here- if you care about him and can see a future with him then don’t stress about this yet. Also child support payments aren’t forever!
Post # 3
I personally wouldn’t take that on if our relationship was new. That is a significant amount of money. It really depends on if you’re in the position to pick up the slack if need be. So many factors can go into my opinion on this.
Post # 4
asaw : I almost don’t even know where to start with this post. If that’s how much he pays, that’s how much the court has determined based on his income that he can afford. You’ve been dating this guy for only 3 months and already you’re counting his money? Sounds to me like this is a relationship you need t move on from, because if your main concern is that he pays too much in child support and that will affect you financially in the future you need to find a man without kids. I don’t see how that will limit you in the future? Assuming he is currently paying it and doing fine, adding your income to his isn’t going to “hurt” things.
I really hope you’re never in a position to be a single mom whose ex starts dating a women that is concerned with how much you’re receiving in child support.
Post # 5
If he is any kind of a quality person and father, his child support will take priority until his kids are grown and on their own. And so it should. Would you really want to be close to someone who doesn’t take responsibility for his kids?
If your relationship goes on to the point of having your own children, you will need to take into account that his expenses are going to go up not down, as his kids grow older. Too many women think child support should go down when he has his second family and “we can’t afford that much”.
Post # 6
The courts don’t just arbitrarily decide a number to make dad’s lives (or their new SO’s) miserable. They choose an amount based on his income and the needs of the children. If it is going to be an issue for you, then this is not the relationship you need to be in.
Post # 7
I have to agree with PP. He has an obligation to his children and to the woman that he created them with. You are in absolutely no position to even be pondering the amount of money he was court ordered to pay.
Secondly, idk how old you are but, this is certainly not something I would want to be involved with. The fact that you’re bringing it up means that it’s bothering you. If somethign that’s not your business is bothering you, you should get out now. It’s just going to snowball and it will not be pretty.
Post # 8
Also, statistically, women who marry men who have been married once before are all but destined for divorce. Just something to think about.
Post # 9
starfish0116 : Yes this.
As a seperated mom this post frankly pisses me off. The courts deemed him responsible for that amount to take care of his 2 kids. You are clearly too immature to take on this relationship.
Post # 10
I have no practical advice as I’ve never been in the situation, but for me, dating a recently (like, still in the process!) divorced father with two kids who is newly navigating single fatherhood would be far more concerning to me than how much money leaves his bank account to support his kids.
If your concern is purely financial, I’d keep in mind that many people start relationships with all kinds of financial obligations (student loans, credit card debt, helping out family members, etc.).
I’d have to imagine though that going through a recent divorce, your new boyfriend is probably unlikely to want to join finances with anyone anytime soon, so will be a long time before this impacts you directly.
Post # 11
Well his child support payment is based off his earnings so it isn’t just a big chunk of money pulled from the air. You seem more wrapped up with the dollar amount than on the responsibilities of him actually being a dad which is concerning.
Post # 12
Been there done that and I would never do it again.
Post # 13
Ouch! Some of the Bees are awfully aggressive in their advice, considering they don’t know the entire story. There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone in a new relationship realizing the harsh realities of dating a guy with an ex/children and wondering how that will affect her future. Not once did the OP suggest he shouldn’t pay this amount or should shirk his responsibilities…..she is simply asking if she should reconsider this relationship. Jeez Bees, give her a break!
Ill tell you this much – I’m married to a man who was divorced and has a child and it’s not easy. His owing child support comes before anything else and it can be limiting when we are working out budgets, buying a home, cars etc. I try to be positive and understanding, but I’m only human and at times I admit it feels as though I’m being punished financially for his past responsibilities. Sorry if other Bees here feels that’s harsh, but it’s true. As a PP suggested, child support isn’t forever, but his children are. If this is bothering you now, listen to your gut and end it. It likely won’t get easier.
Post # 14
desertgypsy : The judge in my case set my child support for 1 kid without even looking at my exh paystub.
Post # 15
I was/am in this situation.
When I met my DH he was paying roughly around the same amount of child support for both of his kids. It has never negatively impacted us in any way. We were able to buy a house, have our dream wedding, and start our own family, all while he was paying child support. You learn to adapt. The money goes straight to the ex-wife so its not even really his to begin with…you just gotta look at it like, he doesn’t make X dollars a month, he makes whatever X minus $1,400 is and work with that budget.
Also, I have to say I am so glad I married a man with kids. It let me see that he is a great dad and made me feel 100% about starting a family with him.
PrincessPeach13 : oh and I just need to say that your statement is absolute judgemental crap.