Post # 46
His responsibility to his children comes first. Keep in mind his child support doesn’t cover everything and he’ll have additional expenses on top of that–tutors, extraordinary medical expenses, sports or dance, school pictures, driver’s ed, I can go on and on and on.
PrincessPeach13 : and fuck that shit.
Post # 47
Tatum : I hear you. I only went on a second date to give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he was just having a bad day the first time we went out. He was the type that said his ex was psycho too and got “knocked up” on purpose. Yeah, no thanks!
Post # 48
I am dating a guy with a son and I’ve had my reservations/fears about it as well. He has custody and doesn’t pay child support, but his ex doesn’t really help out financially…and…well, kids are expensive!
I am not judging you at all – it is normal to question if you will be able to handle it. Of course, the kids should be cared for and that should be a priority, but it doesn’t necessarily make it easy to accept right off the bat.
If he is truly a great guy, go for it, with your eyes wide open and personal boundaries in place.
Post # 49
lulubelle2017 : I think the amount of time you get with the child depends on what state you’re in. In our state, it’s really uncommon for a dad to get more than every other weekend, even if he’s a stellar dad in every way and always pays his CS on time and in full. I think the idea is that they don’t want to be uprooting the child all the time and making them move from house to house every other day or week. I don’t think a dad having the child every other weekend and once during the week is that uncommon, or indicative that there’s a problem with the father.
Post # 50
sunnierdaysahead2 : exactly! Venting to a close friend about a specific incident with your ex that upset you? Totally fine. Telling a random bartender, apropos of nothing, that your ex is a psycho bitch (the definition I most frequently heard)? Yeah, I think the problem is YOU, Romeo.
Post # 51
If he is able to support himself at the moment I wouldnt think you need to worry too much.
He might need to have this amount re-evaluated if his income changes and you would need to take it into consconsideration if you wanted kids
Post # 52
asaw : I might be sensitive to this topic, but it really is not a concern to you.
Look at the child support payments as a monthly bill that you pay every month for the care of the children, the same as you pay for rent, mortgage, electric, food, etc
Post # 53
Lost of strong opinions on this thread! I’ve been with my SO for two years, he’s divorced with two kids. He has 50/50 custody, so neither he nor his ex pay CS. But kids are damn expensive, so I don’t blame you for thinking about these things early on. $1400/mo is not chump change. It’s likely it won’t make a huge impact on your relationship overall, but it can be easy to become resentful in these situations, especially if you start thinking of other things that $1400/mo could be used for (vacations, houses, etc.). It’s okay if you decide this type of relationship isn’t for you.
Post # 54
asaw : I am a mother with two fathers paying child support. I have listened to more complaints about what they and their new wives can’t do or afford, then I can stand.
i don’t care. They owe the money. Kids are not free and child support is the most important bill they need to pay.
sorry. Actually not sorry. Think of how much joy his children will bring, not their cost.
Post # 55
penny1403 : This is a good point. If OP is in her boyfriend’s life long enough to be financially impacted by his obligation to his children, she should also be in his life long enough to develop a relationship with the kids, and therefore not see them as merely an outgoing check each month (not suggesting this is how OP sees them now, just talking about the changing dynamic that comes from dating someone with kids).
Post # 56
Tatum : very true. They do not get cheaper over time, the needs just change. This was the first year I had no daycare expenses to write off for my youngest.
My oldest will be driving next year and she wants a car. 😬
Post # 57
Tatum : you are one smart cookie!
Post # 58
asaw : I would have left the instant I found out he was still technically married and then to top it off with two kids is too much drama for me personally to handle. $1400 is a lot and guess how long he’ll probably be paying for it? Until the kids are 18. Good luck.
Post # 59
josie7 : where I live, the vast majority of parents split 50/50 and it’s abnormal to see it otherwise.
Post # 60
jannigirl : it’s the same where I am, it will only differ if one parent either can’t have 50/50 or doesn’t want it, or if they have been found unfit by the courts.
Even my brother who works away on oil rigs has 50/50. Every time he’s home he has his kids. He balances out the weeks he’s short by taking extra on the weeks he’s off extra for spring break up. He peacefully co- parents with his sons mother with out any issues. And happily pays for whatever his son needs.