Post # 1
Good Morning Bees,
I’ve been a lurker for a few months and today I just had to vent. I have been dating my bf for 4 years. We are both in our late 30s, both have a child from previous marriage/relationship and we actually went to elementary and high school together. We started dating after my divorce 5 years ago when we ran into each other randomly (he was walking out of Kmart and I was walking in at the same exact moment). We’ve had our ups and downs but we’ve talked about marriage for the last year (his suggestion). We both have our own houses about 5 minutes distance from each other and don’t live together yet. A few weeks ago he announces to me that he put together a “ring shopping” day with his best buddies (they have some tradition when any of them is ready to get married). He made a huge deal out of it and kept talking about it for days after he got home. He showed everyone pics of the rings he liked and just kept building my excitement up. Well, now my birthday is tomorrow and he’s already said “You aren’t getting a ring for your birthday, I’m just telling you”. Great, I 99% didn’t expect to get it tomorrow, but the 1 % feels a bit disappointed. I’m trying to not let it get me down.
How do you all combat your feelings of disappointment? I don’t want to seem like a downer.
Post # 2
It’s clearly coming soon, what disappointment?
Post # 3
I guess a tiny part of me thought he may surprise me for my birthday. Especially after he kept saying stuff like “what if I gave it to you for your birthday?” or “What if I proposed at our high school reunion” which was last week. I guess I wouldn’t feel disappointed if he had gone shopping and didn’t keep talking about it, especially in front of me.
Post # 4
ajaxx: It’s coming soon–try to focus on being grateful that he at least warned you that you weren’t getting it tomorrow. I think waiting bees (including myself!) have a tendancy to put pressure on those “special days”–holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, so I get it, I do! I’ve been waiting anxiously for my ring since FEBRUARY WHEN WE STARTED TALKING ABOUT IT!! haha. But just try to focus on the positives. He’s been shopping, he’s committed, the day is coming, it’s just not tomorrow. Now you can enjoy your day without the anxiety that comes along with “I wonder if today is the day!”
Post # 5
About a year after we started dating, I moved to China for 6 months. Luckily we were one of those “absense makes the heart grow fonder” couples and actually started talking about marriage via Skype in the month or two before I came home. (I actually told a friend I thought he might propose when I got off the plane back in our city). I then spent two years wondering if this [birthday/christmas/new years/arbor day/whatever] would be when it happened. To be fair we had agreed that we absolutely wouldn’t actually get married until we’d both graduated college, so even if he had proposed back then, it would have been a LONG engagement, but it didn’t stop that teeny-tiny bit of disappointment every time I had convinced myself it would happen..and then it didn’t.
That said, while I totally get being disappointed, think of it this way: You’ve got a chance to let youself be disappointed all day today. Eat some chocolate, google your dream dress, spend the day feeling a little blue…and then tomorrow, now that you’ve got all that out of your system and don’t have any proposal expectations, enjoy your birthday and don’t give it a second thought…you know, until halloween/thanksgiving/christmas. 😉
Post # 6
It seems like he’s really excited about it, and is either trying to get you excited/making sure you’re excited about it by mentioning it so much!
It is sooooooo hard not to get your hopes up when HE is the one bringing it up! I know it’s not much consolation, but it sounds like it’s coming soon. Just take that he told you it won’t be on your birthday at face value so you can enjoy your day.
And Happy Birthday!! I hope you have a great day despite your disappointment. Chin up, it’s coming, and until then we are all here waiting with you so you aren’t alone in your frustrations.
Post # 7
ajaxx: It sounds like he’s playing with you because he knows it’ll drive you crazy. He has something in mind, and it sounds like you’ll find out soon! If he mentions it, it probably won’t happen. I know that my FI would never give away such a big surprise like that, even in jest.
Try not to let the teasing drive you nuts, play along so he knows you’re not bothered by it (or thinks you’re not anyways )
Post # 8
ajaxx: Ironically I can relate to your situation quite well as my birthday is in 2 days! Like you, I know the ring is coming very soon but I can’t help but wonder if it will happen Saturday. I’m preparing myself, as the other bees have mentioned, to not be disappointed because I know it’s coming soon regardless.
BUT, it still doesn’t stop me from hoping! Any chance he was trying to throw you off by saying it wasn’t coming?
Have a happy birthday!
Post # 9
Thanks ladies, I feel better now, I know I am just being impatient. Trying not to think about it too much or obsess over it, but it’s so hard! I’m sure it will happen within the next 6 months, so cheers to waiting lol.
Post # 10
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
Be happy! It sounds like maybe he doesn’t want to give it to you on your birthday cause he might feel like that’s too expected and won’t surprise you enough. On the flip side, maybe he just said that to throw you out of the loop! Either way, it definitely sounds like he’s very excited and has something special up his sleeve, so try to have a tiny bit more patience, and enjoy your birthday! If the ring doesn’t come then, then just continue being excited knowing that it WILL come! 🙂
Post # 11
You should be happy! And if it isn’t on your birthday, you can celebrate the date it lands on! Your man is very clearly excited about proposing to you so just sit back and let him surprise you 🙂
Post # 12
ajaxx: id just say “babe, I love you and an Im so excited for the next step- but I don’t want to hear about this supposed ring anymore till it’s on my finger. Thanks!”
Post # 13
Maybe he’s trying to throw you off? I know exactly how you feel, although I’m already engaged. We designed my ring and it was suppose to be finished in July. It’s still not done. He proposed with a stand in and while it’s gorgeous, I want MY ring. I bring it up every day because I’m tired of waiting. I looked in his wallet the other day and the check he had to pay for the remainder of the ring when it was finished is gone. I am driving my self crazy thinking about when he is going to give it to me. A couple of hours ago he jokingly said that he’s had it for awhile and I told him he enjoys having all this power and is torturing me and probably has a little evil laugh just thinking about it. It sounds like you SO is the same way. He said this is his time to do what he wants since I always control everything so I have to learn to give him this time lol
Post # 14
ajaxx: I think he wants your birthday to be a special day by itself, and pick another day to become special. My cousin did this to his longterm girlfriend as well. Everyone knew he had the ring, and was convinced he was proposing on Valentine’s Day one year. Even she was. Well Valentine’s Day came and went and she didn’t have a ring on her finger. That was a tough night for her, because she was positive that was the day. He ended up making February 15th one of the most special days of her life (marriage, and birth of their daughter kind of surpassed it) by proposing to her.
Fingers crossed, but I bet that proposal’s coming sooner than you think 🙂
Post # 15
Thanks ladies, I am feeling good today. I think I just am dying with anticipation! Now I’m calm and I won’t feel disappointed later on since he’s already told me that it won’t be today. I went over his parents’ house last night and his mom made a huge birthday feast and a cake for me since she will be away this weekend and was so excited for me to come over. That’s the stuff that really made me happy 🙂