- 6 years ago
Hi Bees…I’ve been lurking for a while as I was planning my Oct. 2012 wedding to my Fiance. We were engaged in January after almost two years of dating. We’re both in our 30s, although I’m only 30, and he is 38, neither of us previously married. We definitely had our differences, but didn’t fight that much (although it did happen on occassion). The engagement period had been somewhat of a rough road…he planned a big trip that everyone knew was the engagement trip, then didn’t propose, although he was acting completely normal and very, very affectionate during the vacation. Immediately upon returning home, he sat me down, and said he couldn’t do it, and listed the reasons why (which are very, very strange). We had a 7 hour blow up/talk about it, which ended in him feeling much, much better, and the next day saying he was completely sure I was the one and he was ready to get engaged, and that he promised that he would never, ever go back on that. We got engaged the follwing week.
I was to be moving in to his place this weekend…half of my things we’re already there, my drivers license has his address on it, and apartment lease technically ended this Sunday. On Wednesday evening, he calls me to tell me he’s coming over so we can move the rest of my things. He shows up an hour later, says we need to talk, and he can’t do this. Says he “feels caged” and that I “bring him down” and it just doesn’t feel right. And that was it.
I’m obviously struggling. I will say, however, that I wasn’t without my doubts. I’ve had some issues with some things about him throughout the relationship, including the fact that he thinks whenever I have a long day, or just am in a bad mood, or something happens to upset me (which happens no more than normal…sometimes you just have a bad day, you know?) it brings him down and ruins his mood. He’s told me many times that I need to learn to “check my problems at the door” and not bring them into the relationship. I don’t know how to do that with someone who is supposed to be my family. He also is obssessed with soccer, and spends about 20-25 hours a week playing and running a team, outside of the 70ish hours he already works at his normal job. It was hard to deal with, and asking him to cut back on the hours of soccer to prioritize our relationship played a huge role in any problems we had and the ending of the relationship. I also couldn’t shake the feeling that I might be shortchanging myself in being with him, although his many good qualities were enought that I felt I should stay and make it work.
Anyway, I’m devestated, but oddly not heartbroken over losing him. I guess I knew enough that there would be people who would be a better fit, but even so, I was willing to give this a go and make it work because I loved him. The loss of the relationship is very hard, and honestly, I’m very scared to be single again. Any one have any similar stories? Any words of advice on how best to deal with this devastating blow and move on? Has anyone been through this and made it out on the other side?