New here. I suppose I am waiting?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

Anna113619:  this sounds like me EXACTLY like me!! whoa… I am dealing with the same issues and I really cannot wait to see what other people say. I had another major breakdown yesterday and my friends at work all told me that if I need to vent, vent to them NOT him… I’m trying to take their advice but its just so hard, you want him to know what you are feeling, and you to know what he’s thinking…but I have been re-assured over and over again, the more you leave it alone and stop talking about it with him, the better you will be… I am trying to do this, so if you ever need a vent-to buddy, I am probably your girl since we have almost an identical background story lol

Post # 4
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

Anna113619:  HELLO totally me!!! I moved to 800 miles away from my home to Atlanta to be with him after only 6 weeks of talking (without even meeting him in person) I kinda figured things would happen a lot faster (and here we are 2 years later) since I uprooted my life for him so when he says “I’m not ready” or doesnt feel like talking about it I’m the same way…you should WANT to marry me after everything I did to be with you. I know exactly how you feel… Insuted is the perfect word. The last thing I ever said to him about marriage was “I dont feel like what I’m asking for is out of the question, nor do I mean to sound like a B**** but I deserve everything I want, I’m not asking for a mansion and a $49483571 car… I’m asking you for a band and courthouse for all I care…we can throw a big party later… I love you that much that I would sacrafice every wedding dream I’ve ever had to be with you” (which he would never allow lol) but just to proove its not about a wedding… its about a marriage and a commitment to ME. I’ll be 29 this year… I’m getting too old to worry about this lol. I’m sorry, I have those sleepless, crying, want to punch him nights too (more often than not lately) which is why I love this website because you really realize that you are not the only one dealing with it…there are many many others who feel your pain.

Post # 6
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

This sounds like my FI before we got engaged. He would regularly say he loved me, he wasnt against marriage but he wasnt looking to get married right now, why am I so focused on the title and why cant we just be happy together. Even watching shows like Say Yes to the Dress was me “pressuring him” to get married. 

To be honest I just shut up about it. I started watching wedding/bridal related shows when he was at work or out with his friends (cause I just enjoy those shows lol, it wasnt about pressuring anyone) and just sort of moved on. He was kind of right, I was happy being with him, and ultimately being engaged wasnt really important. And lo and behold once I let it go and started focusing on our relationship being good and us being happy together, he proposed on his own! And it was perfect and I couldn’t be happier knowing that it came from him and not me “pressuring” him into anything.

Post # 8
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

Whoa this is so the exact situation that I ust posted. It feels nice to know other women are going through the same thing. I’ve been waiting 6 YEARS!!! I also want to be a part of this rant haha

Post # 9
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

a_day_at_the_fair:  I really think I need to start doing this lol. I’ve had friends that say the same thing. In my mind, I want it to be on his radar that I’m ready, but the last thing I want to do is pressure him but CMON hahaha

Post # 10
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

jesais:  Rant on sista… we feel your pain for sure!! What is wrong with these guys 

Post # 11
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

KaitlynBrooke:  It’s definitely difficult. But I had a think about it and decided that as much as I wanted to get married it was more important to me that we were together and happy. As long as that happened, I couldn’t care less about a ring or getting married. It’s not like getting married would somehow make it impossible for us to break up if that’s what was going to happen, so what was my rush? And yeah it made me super jealous every time yet another friend got engaged or got married (I literally only have ONE friend left who isn’t married) but ultimately once I stopped focusing on it, it made me happier and made our relationship better because he now wasn’t getting the idea that I was somehow disappointed in our relationship. 

 

Post # 12
Member
5 posts
Newbee

Same thing happened to me!!! I’ve been with my BF for almost 6 years!!! (03.16.14) and I’ve been pressuring him for the last 3 years hahaha… I woke up one day and said: F*&^ engagement, if he wants to marry me, he will.. So… Once I stopped bringing up the marriage topic he began to talk about it. I have relatives who used to own a jewelry store and they had to shut it down because they were not doing any profit and my aunt told me they had a one carat solitaire ring s (she knew that is the ring I wanted), just in case my BF and I were thinking of getting engaged.  I told him about it (thinking he was going to laugh at me lol) and he told me: Bring it on! He gave me the money and we purchased the ring!!!!!! He has not proposed yet but I think engagement is coming soon!!!!! Be patient, it will happen, believe me.. Some guys just need time 🙂

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  bee_2008.
Post # 13
Member
22 posts
Newbee

I think it’s very fair, past the 2 year mark in a relationship between two late twenty-somethings, to be very clear about where things are going.

I see two red flags here: one, that he’s become less affectionate, and two, that he’s telling you you’re “blackmailing” him when you’re simply being honest about where you want your futures to go together. (This is assuming you bring it up only sporatically, and not constantly.) In my opinion, getting a response of “I’m turning it back on you–don’t you understand that your craziness is hurting our relationship?!” when you’re being authentic and vulnerable is a super toxic form of communcation. Plus, it just makes you feel really crappy.

It sounds like you’re doing the right thing in joining a gym and working on you. 

 

Post # 14
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

x 100000000 to what delightfulplan:  said.

 

THIS, THIS is so important.. if he’s turning it around on you when you’re attempting to communicate and be vulnerable thats a HUGE red flag. There shouldn’t be a label of “crazy” when you’re telling someone what your expectations and goals for your life are. 

Are you sure this guy is worth it?

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors