new here. please tell me you have had this experience too!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
6671 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

If he is almost 40 years older than you, then he is old enough to be your grandpa.  And unfortunately, for his family, this will be his 4th wedding.  They may have grown weary of celebrating his nuptuals.  Neither of those is ever a reason to be rude to you- but I can see why it may be off putting for them.

Post # 3
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

This can’t be real life. Too many posts lately about marrying old dudes.

Post # 6
3246 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

I would imagine that most people have NOT had this experience because they are not marrying someone 40 years their senior who has been married 3 times in the past. While it isn’t appropriate for them to take out their feelings on you, they likely don’t see the point in going all out for a wedding when they know his past marriage history. Additionally, if they do not know you well, they may question your motives for marrying a man so much older than yourself. Unless he is quite wealthy, you are very possibly setting yourself up for a very difficult future, at least if you intend to have any children with him. He likely doesn’t have many years of work left ahead of him, and add the very strong likelihood of ill health coming his way and you could end up being a caregiver to him and children while trying to be the sole breadwinner at the same time. If I were his family (or yours) I would want no part of that.

Post # 8
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You will very likely be a widow at age 40… Does that not concern you? His children are acting rude and they are in the wrong. but if I were one of your fiancé’s children, I too would have difficulty taking my father’s fourth marriage to a girl young enough to be his granddaughter seriously. I would be polite to you, but I would seriously question your judgment and motivations. I would be embarrassed by my father’s selfishness. If he lovescyou so much, why is he setting you up to have a life where you are left alone as a widow at a very young age??

Post # 11
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

prettyemme:  Do you mind me asking how old you are? You state that you are wealthy but it’s your parents money. Are they still alive or you plan on inheriting it? Depending on your answers is what may be coming into play with the situation. 

I know myself am going to be having my second marraige and it is disheartening that there are a few that just don’t want to come to a second wedding. I can’t even imagine for a forth. It’s unfortunate for you if it’s your first.

Unfortunately, there will ALWAYS be someone that will disagree with what you are doing, where, to who, etc. You just have to find it within yourself to be happy no matter what and it doesn’t matter who is there or not there, the bottom line is your relationship between the two of you. The rest is just formalities. 

Post # 13
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

It really sucks that his family is being so crappy to you. My dad is on his third marriage and it’s lasted the longest, so I do think it can work out with later marriages. But I’m afraid I’m not terribly surprised that his family isn’t more enthusiastic about another marriage, especially given you age. Doesn’t excuse their behavior, but I’m not surprised. I think that all you can do is kill them with kindness. It sounds like you’ve thought things out and have good intentions so just try not to let their barbs get to you. Just smile and say how happy you are and how much you love him and want him to be happy and move on. WeddingBee can be a great place to discuss wedding stuff when you don’t have family that’s interested in planning!

Post # 14
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t believe this is true, but if someone were getting married for the 4th time, I can’t imagine having a wedding. This is city hall and small dinner party for those who approve appropriate.

Post # 15
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I will just say, from my own life experiences, I would have a hard time believing it would last as well. With all his life experiences being over 60 yrs old and you aren’t even a grown adult yet. Yes you are legal but your brain is not a ful adult until over 25. I have a son that is 21 and there is no way in the world I would let him marry a 60-something year old. There is just too many life experiences that he should be having before getting married. 

Why aren’t you in college? Why aren’t you traveling? What do you have in common besides working out and sex? I clearly don’t know your relationship, but I do know from experience that  most men at that age that marry younger women for arm candy. Are you sure that you really want to be objectified in that manner? You do realize that not just this situation in the non-believers, but there will be constant comments and speculations of your relationship forevermore. Are you mentally prepared for all that. If something were to happen to him right this moment, would you be capable of taking care of him the rest of his life? 

As a mom, I can only wish that if you were my child, you would seriously think about what the future may hold and all those against your relationship may only possibly increase in time. Expressing serious concern and doubt here as well. I’m sorry. Just my experience in life. Which you don’t even know about yet. 

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