Post # 1
Every time I tell someone that Fiance and I are having our new home built they give me this look and say that it is the worst thing we could do to our relationship. FI and I get along very well, our tastes are very similar, and when we do disagree we normally do so in a constructive manner, but I can’t shake the feeling that we need to be proactive about any problems that may come up.
So what do you think of this idea?
I will be creating a pinboard of things that I like for the home (finishes, decor, etc) and put 10 different inspiration pictures in each category, and I will ask him to do the same. The categories will cover everything from the kitchen countertops to paint to door knobs. After we have all our ideas in one place we can sit down and discuss what attracts us to the different ideas and also give the other a visual representation of the other’s taste and expectations. I feel that this will help us to avoid conflict (as much as we possibly can) in a really stressful situation and let us compromise in our own way before the decisions become time sensitive.
What do you think? Is this a good idea or am I just complicating the situation?
Post # 3
I think it’ll be just fine. Just like any and just about everything in life, there’s compromise and learning to work together. I dont see building a house as anymore stressing than anything else.
Post # 4
The pinboard idea wouldn’t work for us. Fiance wouldn’t know where to start if I told him to make a pinboard of all the doornobs he likes. He wouldn’t really know what his opinions were until sitting in front of all of the options. I have a board on Houzz.com. Every now and then I’ll show him something and be like, “Do you like this sort of table?” and he’s happy to give an opinion.
Buying a new home (period) is very stressful. Moving into a new home is also stressful. Living in that new home with new problems and new issues is stressful. At the end of the day, just remind yourself why you wanted to move into the home in the first place and it’ll be fine.
Post # 5
Trust me when I say that building a new home is very stressful and time consuming, much more so than buying an existing home (we contracted for our model/dirt lot in Feb 2012 and moved to our new build in July 2012).
You don’t say here, but I think I’ve read some of your other posts that you have a model and a lot picked out with a builder that you trust.
I think more than a pinboard, you should discuss priorities for upgrades. For my hubby and I (married on 7/30/2012!!!) floors, electrical/lighting and move in ready were the priority. We upgraded to some nicer wood floors (better cut of wood and wider boards) and better carpet/carpet pad for the rest. We put in more low volt (cat5 network and cable outlets) in more rooms, and added pre-wire boxes for ceiling fans in all bedrooms and livingrooms, and added can lights and backyard lights. We added blinds to the master and downstairs windows and left the rest for later. Finally, the builder was going to leave the back yard a “clean slate” ie dirt with no sprinkler but I knew we wouldn’t have the time/energy/money to do this ourselves with the wedding and honeymoon dominating the summer, so we had a sprinkler and grass put in.
So talk to your Fiance about where he wants to spend money and where your priorities are, because it is easy to spend money on things you never thought were upgrades (cabinet handles/drawer pulls, a refrigerator) and things add up quickly (plugs/lighting and carpet upgrades).
It is hard to know what options will cost so talk more in general about your style (Traditional, Transitional, Modern) not making X kind of granite your goal. We are very functional people, so we upgraded anything we would have to do demolition to upgrade later like wiring and lighting, whereas we didn’t even look at upgraded granite which we like just fine. Our house is in an old victorian neighborhood, which we love, so our choices reflect the character of the neighborhood with mostly transitional style.
Post # 6
Building a home is a very stressful and exciting event. As long as you guys are on the same page with the general idea and view for your future house and as well as finacially you should be fine. It’s all about working together and compromising and getting through a somewhat stressful situation. Hopefully your relationship is solid enough, because building a home is only one of many stressful things that will occur in your lifetime.
Darling Husband and I didn’t build but we bought an older home and remodeled 90% of it when we were engaged. We fought and got on each others nerves through the process, but we got married and have been happily married for 2 years. It’s a real good lesson on how to work as a team.
And congrats on building your home! I am super jealous 🙂
Post # 7
Honestly…I think you’re complicating it more than you need to. I say pin away and then show your Fiance what stuff you like. That gives him a chance to respond and tell you if he likes it, hates it, or doesn’t care about it. I think giving him the assignment of figuring out pinterest, picking a certain number of pins, organizing it, sorting through your pins, etc is just going to make something that should be really fun into a chore.
Post # 8
why dont you do the pinboard yourself, get ten of each category, then let him pick from them. Dont expect a guy to do that, it probably wont happen.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t worry about it. Every relationship is different. People say buying a new home is stressful too (and I’ve seen that to be true in friends), but we loved the process. We had exactly 0 fights or even disagreements about it– we thought it was fun! Don’t let people psyche you out.