New husband has been facebook flirting for months (long)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d say you have two options:

1) Let it go.

2) Talk to him.

 

If you are going to let it go, that means actually letting it go….which means not dwelling on it for months.You have to ask yourself if that’s something you can do.

If you talk to him, then you have to be honest about what you know, and how you know it. It’s not right or fair to expect honesty and transparency from him if you aren’t giving him the same.

FWIW I don’t think any of this sounds like a big deal, but we all have differences in what we’re comfortable with, and you shouldn’t ignore your feelings.

Post # 3
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It is never appropriate for a married man or woman to tell someone they are sexy and beautiful / handsome. In the grand scheme of things, the exchanges you described sound harmless, but you are justifiably not happy with what was said. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from bringing this up, but you have to consider whether it’s actually beneficial to do so.

I wanted to add that this is exactly how emotional affairs develop, and people can and do physically meet up even when separated by hundreds of miles. However, you said these conversations go back to 2010, and it does not sound like they have evolved into anything more nefarious, so I really don’t think an emotional affair is likely.

Post # 4
Member
9231 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

anon567:  Yikes.  This is why no good comes from snooping.  But I feel for you.  You could just drop it and not say anything to him about what you found.  Or, you could simply confess to snooping and then ask him how he would feel if you were having those exact same type of FB conversations with one of your exes.  It’s inappropriate on his part and I can see why you feel hurt. 

Post # 5
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I don’t think “letting it go” is an option. This kind of stuff wouldn’t slide with me. 

I think you have to admit you snopped. That’s the only way their conversations can stop. It’s leading up to an emotional affair. Plus he knows it’s wrong, that’s why he’s hiding it from you. 

Post # 6
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Who cares if you snooped? His infraction is worse and if he tries to throw the “well, you shouldn’t have snooped” card back in your face, he’s only deflecting.

I think it’s a huge red flag. Emotional cheating is still cheating. I don’t know if it’s gotten to that point yet, but you want to nip it in the bud now or kick him to the curb for being a creeper on FB.

Post # 7
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I wouldn’t say that he is emotionally cheating, and it seems pretty harmless, but for me, it would still be unappropriate. If my SO was doing something similiar, I would sit down and have a discussion with him over how these types of conversations made me feel.

Post # 10
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

anon567:  I’m not sure why that even matters. He would only have a problem with you snooping if he has something to hide, which he apparently does. Just point out that he’s clearly the one who can’t be trusted.

Post # 11
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Ha. I just realized I put “un” appropriate. Awesome. Can’t edit it out now :P.

Post # 12
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

anon567:  My SO and I have a bunch of computers and devices, so it’s not uncommon for us to be logged in on each others emails/facebook/whatever when we pick it up. And both of us have been known to look through each others things. Neither of us have a problem with it because neither of us are doing anything inappropriate.

Post # 13
Member
1947 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honestly, I would let it go.  So far, he has talked to a girl he is friends with and admitted she was sexy, which she probably is if she’s a model.  It sounds like so far all he’s done has acted ‘kinda flirty’?  I don’t think that’s even something he would bother hiding from you, and I would NOT break his trust on such a small small issue!

Thinking of you though!!

 

 

Post # 15
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m really not sure why some people (the OP included) are concerned that she broke his trust. She didn’t. Her husband is the one who’s behaving badly.

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