- 2 years ago
I never thought I’d have to be one of those regular bees gone anon, but I need some advice.
I’ve been with my husband for a little over 5 years (we’ve been married a month, engaged for 2.5 yrs). He is so so wonderful to me, treats me respectfully and with care and makes me feel special. He always says how lucky he is to have me and I know he loves me (and I love him) with all our beings. I’ve never met someone that was a better fit for me and I’d do anything for him. I want to have a happy life together and believe we have one.
I have some trust issues stemming from my cheating father and from a sad ending to my last relationship a while ago, but DH and I have been pretty open especially since having a heart to heart when he lied over something (about where he was and who he was with one night) 4 years ago. It’s been hard and I feel like I’ve finally let it go.
However, I feel like he has two sides sometimes. 99.9% of the time he is sweet and an amazing partner and then sometimes he has this odd wild streak, like he will add some aggressiveness to sex (calling me a dirty little girl, etc) that I enjoy but feels out of character for how he is all other times. Either way, this didn’t really bother me, it spices things up, but it was always a little odd.
Today, I’m not sure why, but I went snooping while he wasn’t home. I did this once before but promised myself I’d never do it again, since I found nothing other than him being a great guy even behind doors – why go looking for trouble? I don’t know why I did it today but his email is permantly logged onto my tablet and he knows this (not that I’d be reading it) but it gave me a sense of trust that helped a lot with my past sensitivity issues. I found a few facebook email/chats between him and an old female friend of his. They’ve known each other since high school and she has 4 kids with a guy that she’s been with for 5 years. They live probably 500 miles away – I’m not concerned about this going anywhere physical.
Anyway, I couldn’t see his replies to her side of the convo, but what she was saying seemed kinda flirty and lots of “thank you xoxo” types. I should have let it go but I went to his desktop where he is logged into FB to read the entire convos that go all the way back to 2010. He said some things that made me feel bad like how he remembers things they used to do together in high school, and how she’s so beautiful and always will be to him. They talk on a monthly basis but not too regularly but he says some stuff that I wish he’d only say to me. He also has some creepy comments about how sexy she looks (she’s a model, and admit she looks fantastic). She “giggles” and says thanks etc, not really playing into it but not stopping the convo at all, saying he’s her best friend – not true as far as I can tell, they have nothing in common other than going to high school together. And she didn’t seem half bad, like I’d be willing to be friends if we could all be honest and have things out in the air.
I know he hid this from me because honestly he’d probably be embarassed to admit to it, plus I know he thinks I’m the jealous type (from our thing 4 years ago, I only found out by accidently seeing his phone) and that I’d make a big deal out of nothing. I know this is going nowhere offline since we live so far, and she knows we’re married and she seems very happy with her SO. I have no way of asking him about it without blatently telling him I snooped and snooped hard, which would kill any trust he had with me, but I’m still a little irked by the tone and messages and feel a little hurt that he may have some lingering feelings for her? They weren’t ever bf/gf as far as I could tell. Not sure what to do. Help?