Post # 1
I’m new to the Bee…can I just say what a relief it is to find y’all! I have been lurking for a while and am now hoping for some advice…
Ring shopping in March…30th birthday last week. I felt like an awful person for feeling that twinge of disappointment opening an absolutely gorgeous bracelet instead of the ring I’d been hoping for…
But here’s where I’m hoping for some help: How do you all bite your tongue when your SO says things like, “I can’t wait to be married” or “for our wedding we should…”? I seriously cannot help myself and end up retorting, “welp! need to be engaged before a wedding!” or “I want to be married too…” (crazy lady expectant look on face). I DON’T want to ruin a surprise and I feel like every time I say something like this it sort of..I don’t know…sets me back with him or something? Why can’t i just be sweet and patient and nod?! Ha!
Any input appreciated..and again, so nice to see such a supportive community here! 🙂
Post # 3
Man that does sound rough! I can’t imagine he would say things like that if he didn’t have something in the works though. My BF’s best bud is in a similar situation – they are in their early 30s and his GF, who is one of my good friends, is starting to lose patience. BUT, I just got it out of my BF the other day that he actually has a ring and is trying to throw her off his trail! Hopefully that is the case for you too..
We definitely are hitting a good time of year for engagement right? Lots of family at Thanksgiving, the holidays, New Year? It is soooo hard to be patient, but he obviously loves you and is thinking about it. Keep your chin up girl!
Post # 4
i say it in my head most of the time but sometimes it comes out and he’ll say something like “i know babe” or “soon”…. drives me nuts but what can i do?… do ill just smile and change the subject. lol
Post # 5
I’m sure it will happen! I know my SO wont ask on my birthday (but similarly, it still twinged), he’s probably waiting to surprise you. Totally know how you feel on the wedding talk, my SO has been working on an event all month (ok, so it’s not a wedding but it’s a beautiful venue all the same) and when I went to visit him today I couldn’t help but say what I’d do if it were our wedding! AND a couple did their wedding pictures in the park next to the venue whilst we sat on a bench for lunch. It’s hard being patient, and soooo frustrating but it’ll be worth it in the end. *big hugs* 🙂
Post # 6
If he’s the one bringing up marriage, how are you ruining a “surprise”? LoL.. I say, if he brings it up, it’s fair game. He already knows that you want to be engaged… if he doesn’t want you to say anything about it, he shouldn’t bring it up! I don’t feel that there’s anything wrong with making comments, just try not to harp on it for too long. You should feel like you can tell him whatever is on your mind and not be punished for it. Say what you want, then change the subject.
Post # 7
I agree with Foxxy. If he brings it up, you certainly aren’t crazy for responding! Just keep it light and short and even though you want to jump up and down and squeal, try to play it cool 🙂
Believe me, I waited a long. ass. time. It’s not easy, and I feel your pain. I used to scream what I wanted to say, only I’d do it in my head. It really would make me feel better, as crazy at that sounds. Hours before my FI proposed, he told me that he was still in the process of looking for a ring and he hadn’t had time to buy one yet. I remember thinking “OMG! YOU! ARE! RIDICULOUS!” or something to that effect…and it turns out, he was only saying that to trick me anyway–so it paid off that I didn’t have a full-blown tantrum.
Hang in there!
Post # 9
Hmm that sounds really tough. I don’t know to be honest because my husband and I always spoke openly about everything. I can’t even remember how the conversations about marriage started but it was always just kind of known that we would. We chose my ring together, he saved up, bought it and proposed. At least he is thinking along the same lines as you if he is sayign things like “at our wedding” etc. Maybe hes trying to see your reaction to see if you are up for the idea of marriage too?
Post # 10
Welcome to the boards! I’m sorry i have no advice for you! But i agree with other Bee’s if he brings it up it’s okay to respond ^^
Post # 11
@LovesToPlan: Thank you! I know there’s a happy medium in there somewhere! I love thinking of it as ‘fair game’…but i’ll speak up with a smile…and when I can’t do that, it’s screaming in the head all the way…ha!
Post # 12
Like Blue-bird, I have no advice as I think I may have just ruined my own proposal, or at least delayed it, by responding “inappropriately” to a comment he made the other night. It sounds like you are doing fine with the comments you make. You are letting him know that you want to be married to him too, but you aren’t making your whole relationship about getting engaged. And for those days you have difficulty biting your tongue, there are the waiting boards filled with lots of supportive people who are in the same place you are in. Good luck!
Post # 13
It seems like every time I manage to NOT say something about it for a day (or an hour…) my SO manages to bring it up! I know that the only reason I don’t have the ring yet is because he hasn’t finished paying it off (he’s paying before pickup to avoid interest charges). And I’ve found myself making the snarky “well it’s your fault we’re not engaged yet!!” type of comments as well!
Due to some non-engagement horrible events that are taking place in our lives right now, I’ve tried to be really really really good about not putting SO under any more stress by acting as impatient and anxious as I feel.
My only advice is to try to find something else to occupy your mind. Or, if you can’t keep your mind off of wedding things, start researching things like venues and what types of dresses you like and ideas for decor, etc.
Post # 14
@kunezerwa: That sounds exactly like my boyfriend! If I hear him say the word “soon” one more time I’m gonna punch him in the gut! Haha.