New male friend is giving me cold feet!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m in the camp of don’t ignore you’re instincts. If you’re bored already and questioning things, it’s probably best to not go forward in marriage.

A lot of people jump into marriage thinking cold feet is a normal feeling, but it’s really not. Usually you have these feelings for a reason.

Post # 4
Member
9244 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ugh. 

In my opinion you cheated, so I think you should call off the wedding, in fairness to your FI.  Tell him everything that happened and how/why you put yourself into the position to allow it to happen. 

How would you feel if your FI had done the exact same thing with another woman that you did with “Taylor?”

Post # 6
Member
2685 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@helpmerhonda:  I would not consider what you did cheating. That said, it sounds to me like you are having serious doubts. My first advice would be for you to tell Taylor that his presence in your life is not good for you, and to stop all contact with him from now on. You need to focus on your relationship with your FI, and you can’t do that with Taylor texting you, reminding you of the conversations you had, etc. You are directing way too much mental energy toward Taylor’s. You need to cut him out IMMEDIATELY and completely.

 

Then I would find a therapist that you can talk to about what’s going on in your head. Don’t put it off. Do it NOW, so you can figure out what you really want and call off the wedding if that’s what you decide is best.

 

Post # 7
Member
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You need to grow up. The so called place of “friendly concern”, girl please, he’s trying to get some. You need to be honest with yourself and cut off this engagement. You don’t sound like your ready to be married. Your FH has insecurity issues as well if he’s stalking FB like you claim. 

 

Post # 8
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It sounds like this “Taylor” guy is really bad news.  He knew you were in a serious relationship and yet he still tried to kiss you EVER AFTER YOU SAID NO.  That is so beyond disrespectful to you, your relationship, and your FI.

If you’re having real doubts of you own, that’s obviously something you need to spend some time on.  But don’t take the relationship advice of someone who behaves like that and apply it to your own relationship.  That guy has no idea what he’s talking about.

Post # 9
Member
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@helpmerhonda:  Can we be honest for a second? 

Guys will pull anything to get with a girl they like. 

That ‘story’ he told you about how he was in a relationship with a wonderful girl but one day suddenly realized that it wasn’t the right thing for him – sounds a lot like what you were feeling (and probably hinted at in some point of your getting to know each other with him) and he picked up on that. 

If you are bored with your current boyfriend, then leave him. Both of you deserve to be with someone who is fully committed to the other, and won’t just fall for another boy’s pick up techniques. 

Love, and also some maturity will help you cut through the bullshit – especially in this situation, this guy is bad news regardless of your relationship status. 

Post # 11
Member
819 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@helpmerhonda:  The truth is relationships aren’t going to be butterflies, happy-go-lucky, puppy love all the time for the rest of your life. You will become “bored” (or what you think is bored) in ANY relationship you form. It’s up to you and your spouse to keep the spark going and work at it everyday.

You need to dig down deep and figure out if you are ready to marry your FI. If you aren’t, then call it off. But please, don’t call it off just because of Taylor. I understand the “forbidden fruit” is exciting, but where will you be once that excitement goes away?

Post # 12
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Sunfire:  I don’t really see how that’s cheating–she did NOT consent to being kissed–she even said “no” explicitly.  The fact that he continued to push himself on her is not her fault.

Post # 13
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

i think its really hard to commit to one person when thats the only relationship you know. If youre feeling weird about your relationship take a break, explore a bit, if you still love your fiance then get married but dont drag him along knowing that you may second guess your entire marriage because you didnt have any experience. 

Post # 15
Member
9244 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jdhall89:  She was alone with the guy in the first place – alone, drinking, in a bikini, in a hot tub, with someone who isn’t your FI is walking extremely close to the line of cheating.  She is the one in the committed relationship, she’s responsible for her own actions.  She put herself there, no excuse. 

I bet if her FI did the same thing, and then tried to blame the girl for kissing him, she’d be mad as all hell.

Behavior like that signals “too immature for marriage,” IMO.

Post # 16
Member
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Mimoza:  guys will pull anything to get with a girl they like. 

That ‘story’ he told you about how he was in a relationship with a wonderful girl but one day suddenly realized that it wasn’t the right thing for him – sounds a lot like what you were feeling (and probably hinted at in some point of your getting to know each other with him) and he picked up on that. 

+100 He pulled this “story” right out the player handbook. But the remedial one. Like really? This is sooo basic and transparent I can’t believe she’s actually buying this bullshit. Your bored and you are liking and courting the attention from this other guy.

 

 

 

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