(Closed) New maybekindofpossiblysomeday a relationship help?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

@Baimee:  Hmmm I feel like I need to know a little more info:

– How far away exactly does he live?

– What are you looking for with him? A casual fling or flirting? Or a relationship?

– How old are each of you (mostly just curious)?

I think it’s really tough to START a relationship LD so if that’s what you want I think maybe it’d be better to look elsewhere. But if you don’t care if it works out long-term, then I’d say talk to him as much as you feel like! I don’t really believe in playing games like the “3 day rule” or whatever. But of course make sure things are balanced in that he’s calling you as often as you call him.

Post # 5
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

@Baimee:  Well if he’s flirting with you and talking to you he probably doesn’t think you’re weird nor do I think he’ll ever end up regretting talking to you. I think “whatever happens, happens” is a good attitude. Sometimes it can be fun to flirt even when it doesn’t go anywhere. Just don’t let this close off opportunities with local guys!

Post # 7
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

@Baimee: You’re probably over-thinking it. He wouldn’t text you if he didn’t want to, even if you texted him first. He’s not obligated to respond, and hey, it’s not like it would be awkward if he didn’t, since you don’t have the option of bumping into each other when you’re out and about.

I think you’ve got it right when you say “Whatever happens, happens.” If you feel like randomly texting him, go for it. If he doesn’t respond, oh well, then don’t text him again until you hear from him. Just see how it plays out.

I wouldn’t stress about it and I certainly wouldn’t start keeping track of who texts whom first and how often, because that’s when you enter into game-playing territory, which you really don’t need.

Just try and keep a casual attitude about it. If something develops, great, if not, oh well. If he’s interested he’ll eventually let you know, you won’t have to ask him.

Post # 8
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I like the tennis analogy for relationships, except instead of the *net* there is curtain so you can’t *see* him.  You just keep track of the ball.  He serves…. you hit it back.  He returns, you return, he returns, you return.

In tennis, the “server” only has 2 balls.  So, if the ball doesn’t come back to you….. hit another one…. but not any more.  His court.

Anything more than that and it becomes the equivalent of an auto tennis ball cannon set too fast…. balls are just coming at him and he doesn’t have time to pace set.

Also – something else that is key to look at….. you may be each returning volleys…  But is it the style of game you like?  Sometimes the ball comes at you, nice and easy and you can hit it back with one long stroke.  Sometimes, though…. the ball comes back in all different directions and speeds.  That makes it harder to play, even though the ball is consistently returned.

So – the most important question…… are you each having a good time?  Are you each making it easy for the other person to return the ball?  Do you like the game you’re playing?

Post # 9
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

@3xaCharm:  Wow, I have never heard that analogy before and I LOVE it! I will be remembering that one for future use.

Post # 10
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Do what 3xaCharm said. Gotta love the tennis analogy…. perfect!

Post # 11
Member
9625 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@3xaCharm:   Agree that this is a very cool analogy, love it!

Post # 12
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This sounds like my story 🙂

 How well did you know each other before he moved? Friends? Acquaintences? DH and I were really good friends before we thought about dating.

 I think the pp’s have given some good advice and I don’t have much more to add other than when DH and I started dating he moved to Chicago and I moved to Knoxville. We talked on the phone every day even before we started dating and became really good friends and basically realized we really liked each other and now we’re married 🙂

LD was really difficult though, we had a few bumps along the way but we learned a lot by being in an LDR and were able to learn a lot about each other and how to communicate so that when we were finally in the same state we had already crossed a bunch of hurdles.

Post # 14
Member
2609 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

During your next text/email, as the convo is ending, tell him “hey, why don’t you call/skype me next time?, I’m usually free around (insert time here)” and see what he does.  If he just keeps texting you, you’re probably just a fun distraction when he’s got nothing else to do, so I wouldn’t expect things to go much further.

If he calls/skypes you, use your next few interactions to decide if you really are into this guy.  If you are, then you’ll have to take the step of asking whether he feels the same way, and starting to plan your next in-person visit, and maybe getting into a LDR.

BUT… Personally, I’d say the first step is establishing if there is a real connection outside of the text/email thing.

Post # 15
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I hate to be a pessimist but “Then I don’t hear from him for a week, which I get, since he works, I work, etc.”

It sounds to me like he doesn’t take this very seriously

I’m sorry, maybe I’m wrong, but it seems like he might only be using you when he is in need of an ego boost. 

When a guy REALLY likes you he calls/texts/emails nonstop–ESPECIALLY if he’s far away.

My fiance and I started out as friends and it was kinda long distance–he was 3 hours away–before we started dating we were texting/iming/talking on the phone every day


I wouldn’t totally give up on it if I were you, but I wouldn’t count on him either–keep your options open–don’t answer his texts immediately–if he likes you he will respond by trying to up the contact, if he doesn’t he will find a new text buddy

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