- 5 years ago
Good evening ladies…I’m new to the hive…I’ve been lurking a little but nothing super stalker-ish…I’ve read a lot of the post and I feel like you ladies have stolen the words right from my mouth or brain. A little back ground. My SO and I met back in 2005 at the time he and I where both in other serious relationships so we kept it super casual…in 2007 as I was headed out of town, we ran in to one and other again and happened to both be single….we made some plans to go on a date and hit it off (as I suspected we would). I was freshly out of a relationship as was he so we played it very cool and kept it very casual. Once we decided to make things official our relationship official things began to move very quickly we were in love, we moved in, we went on weekend trips, we shopped for rings and next thing I knew I was pregnant. The pregnancy was a surprise to both of us…(I was fairly upset and felt a little jaded but eventually accepted it and absolutely love my child (don’t judge me))…I was on the pill and we were pretty carful; nonetheless, we went with it. During the pregnancy, he proposed marriage…I knew I didn’t want to be a pregnant bride so that was simply out of the question and now that I think of it, that was a relief to him. In July of 2009, I gave birth to our son…the energy was awesome and he was super supportive. Due to complications in labor, I had an emergency c-section and my SO was super supportive during my recovery. My maternity leave eventually came to an end and I had to return to work and to my “normal” life…I returned to friends and family questioning now that the baby is here when we would get married. We discussed a date (10.02.10), I went to wedding expos, ordered magazines and was ready to get in to full force planning mode…I thought we were on the same page…boy was I wrong…I was beginning to feel the pressure of being a new mom (and the life change that comes along with it), returning to work and planning wedding. I wanted to start looking for dresses and tuxes while he couldn’t commit to a wedding date. We started fighting and I was really questioning where this relationship was going. The relationship got so dark that, I eventually gave back the ring as I felt it was tainted and like it came from a negative place. I was really unsure about whether he gave me the ring because he loved me and he wanted to marry me or he gave me it to me because I was pregnant and it was the right thing to do. Fast forward to today…the relationship has continued, gotten stronger and more complicated and STILL NO RING…NO MARRIAGE…NO NOTHING I’m not really obsessed with getting engaged, I’m obsessed with getting married. I’ve always pictured myself as being and eloper. On a daily basis, I struggle with having a child, owning a home and vehicle(s) w/o any real commitment. I feel like he’s in the mind set of why buy the cow when I’m getting the milk for free…we live like a married couple (w/o the paperwork)…It’s always been a priority of mine to be married and I told him that before I would commit to being in an exclusive relationship with him so I don’t understand why it’s so difficult for him to make a full commitment now…I don’t doubt that he loves me I just question his love because he can’t “fully” commit…. I am at the point where I am ready to walk as I feel like we are setting a bad example for our child and the non-married state of our relationship frustrates me…My son is getting older and is beginning to understand the dynamic of the family unit (he knows that mommy has one name and daddy has another)…I don’t want him to think that it is okay to get people preggers without wanting to commit your life to them…furthermore, if we aren’t going to be in a relationship, I want my LO to get used to the idea of mommy and daddy living separate locations rather than be confused and up rooted out of the blue. Are there any other mama bees that are waiting and can offer me any advice…do I stay or do I go?