New!!!! Need advice/help.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

There’s not much you can do other than try to make time for them every so often. You don’t have to go to clubs, or whatever; make coffee dates, or go out for a quiet glass of wine, or a walk. But don’t let your friends disappear out of your life. You can have both!!! 

ETA: P.S. Welcome to the BEE!!!

Post # 4
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Love101914:  there are other things that you can do with your friends other than going out to bars.  what about the gym, sports team, cooking class or a book club?  any hobby really.  meeting up for lunch or coffee or a day at the spa?

what if you have your friends over to your place for ‘chick flick’ night with wine and popcorn?

Post # 5
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Things change. They already have for you. They soon will for your friends.

Make time to see them on a regular basis, whether you go out for lunch, coffee, drinks after work, a run, brunch on Sunday etc.

It’s important to make that effort to stay in touch. It’s important to maintain friendships. The nature of those friendships just naturally changes over time.

Post # 7
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Love101914:  Everyone goes through these changes at different times in their lives. Some people never like the bars and some never out grow their need to go to the clubs. It’s just a matter of personal taste. As most people get older, things change and that’s ok.

Like PP said, try to make time for them and schedule activities that all will enjoy. You don’t have to be a club queen to be a best friend.

Post # 8
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Love101914:  Ultimately, you only have the power to make one person happy or one person miserable…you.  You really can’t help your friends.  Just live your life and they can either accept things or not.

Post # 9
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

The fact that you are trying to strike a balance speaks very highly of you. Your friends might not see it now, if you’re the first to make these life steps, but believe me, as long-time single person, they will appreciate it as they see friends get married and NOT make the effort.

Post # 10
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

One of the things that I have learned is that sometimes friendships have an expiration date. I am not friends with a lot of people that I hung out with at 21, or even 25. I had several friends that more or less dumped me when I got engaged. We wanted different things out of life.

 

it sucks, it hurts, but it happens. Just find friends that you have more in common with, and remember: you already have the love that they are desperately searching for, so be happy! 

Post # 12
Member
989 posts
Busy bee

@Love101914:  Like you, I am sooo past the going out to nightclubs phase. But you can still make other plans with your friends – I much prefer going out for lunch or dinner, and having a proper catch up that isn’t clouded by alcohol and crowds of people! You could always organise a dinner on a weeknight (when the nightclubs aren’t open!) and catch up without the pressure of going out to a nightclub.

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