Post # 1
So I’m new to this and I really need some advice. im getting married next October And have been with my fiancé for 5 and half years. I love him more than anything and can’t wait for our life to begin. I am 24. Will be 25 when I get married and pretty much the first of my friends to get engaged and married. They just don’t understand where I am in my life and feel like I don’t spend enough time with them. I just don’t enjoy going to clubs and bars anymore, which they still enjoy immensely!!! I rather stay home And save money. I feel like I had to mature more fastly than them because I have been through a lot more than them. I lost my dad at 19 and my mom 2 weeks before my 21st bdaY. I just feel like we are at different stages of our lives and they don’t get it. I’m ready to settle down and think about a family, but all they care about is what they are doing on Saturday night. How do I handle this without hurting my friends feelings.
Ps. I do go out occasionally with them, but I guess not as often as they would like!
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
There’s not much you can do other than try to make time for them every so often. You don’t have to go to clubs, or whatever; make coffee dates, or go out for a quiet glass of wine, or a walk. But don’t let your friends disappear out of your life. You can have both!!!
ETA: P.S. Welcome to the BEE!!!
Post # 4
@Love101914: there are other things that you can do with your friends other than going out to bars. what about the gym, sports team, cooking class or a book club? any hobby really. meeting up for lunch or coffee or a day at the spa?
what if you have your friends over to your place for ‘chick flick’ night with wine and popcorn?
Post # 5
Things change. They already have for you. They soon will for your friends.
Make time to see them on a regular basis, whether you go out for lunch, coffee, drinks after work, a run, brunch on Sunday etc.
It’s important to make that effort to stay in touch. It’s important to maintain friendships. The nature of those friendships just naturally changes over time.
Post # 6
@prahajess: thank you. I do try to go to dinner with them and get together for other things. I just feel like it’s not enough. I’m trying to even everything out and make everybody happy
Post # 7
@Love101914: Everyone goes through these changes at different times in their lives. Some people never like the bars and some never out grow their need to go to the clubs. It’s just a matter of personal taste. As most people get older, things change and that’s ok.
Like PP said, try to make time for them and schedule activities that all will enjoy. You don’t have to be a club queen to be a best friend.
Post # 8
@Love101914: Ultimately, you only have the power to make one person happy or one person miserable…you. You really can’t help your friends. Just live your life and they can either accept things or not.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
The fact that you are trying to strike a balance speaks very highly of you. Your friends might not see it now, if you’re the first to make these life steps, but believe me, as long-time single person, they will appreciate it as they see friends get married and NOT make the effort.
Post # 10
One of the things that I have learned is that sometimes friendships have an expiration date. I am not friends with a lot of people that I hung out with at 21, or even 25. I had several friends that more or less dumped me when I got engaged. We wanted different things out of life.
it sucks, it hurts, but it happens. Just find friends that you have more in common with, and remember: you already have the love that they are desperately searching for, so be happy!
Post # 11
Thanks guys. It does hurt when you’re trying and it’s not enough. I appreciate all your responses. 😉
Post # 12
@Love101914: Like you, I am sooo past the going out to nightclubs phase. But you can still make other plans with your friends – I much prefer going out for lunch or dinner, and having a proper catch up that isn’t clouded by alcohol and crowds of people! You could always organise a dinner on a weeknight (when the nightclubs aren’t open!) and catch up without the pressure of going out to a nightclub.