New Relationship Advice Needed

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

onedayIwillbeabee:  First of all…how exciting to meet someone that you really click with. Second..breathe and slow down! Three weeks is enough time to really have a good time, but there’s so much more that goes into a relationship before you decide that they’re the one for you, or have a talk about reversing a vasectomy so you can have his babies.

Relax and see how you guys do in different situations over time. Especially if he has two little kids and an absent baby mama…that’s potential for a lot of drama…or potential for the kids to get attached early and get heartbroken. Time is on your side! : )

Post # 4
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

onedayIwillbeabee:  Slow down. You’ve only been talking for a couple of months, haven’t even met yet, and you want to have a baby with him? I understand the excitement/anticipation of a new and happy relationship, especially after you were so unhappy in your last one BUT it takes time to get to know someone in person versus online.

Also, how do you “love” his kids already? You have not met the father but know his kids? And how does your family love him if you yourself have never met him? 

Post # 5
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

FutureMrsJohnson_:  onedayIwillbeabee:  Woah, totally missed that you hadn’t met yet. My above advice stands…but take it even slower in your heart and head if you haven’t met yet. When I was dating before I met DH, I tried the online thing and it’s easy to feel like you “know” someone or “connect” when you’re chatting and then you meet them and it’s totally different. And until you’ve met and interacted with them with various groups of your friends and theirs, you don’t even know if they are who they say they are. You say your family already loves him? Not to be crass, but they’re probably just happy you found someone that interests you, especially if the ex was a jerk.

Post # 6
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I somewhat disagree with the PPs.  I took what you said as you want a kid, not necessarily a kid with him.  And this is important to talk about if you want to take a big step in a relationship (such as meeting his kids).

I suggest just bringing up what you two envision for the future.  My SO and I met on POF and he has a son… and within a few months we talked about more kids, and we were both unsure whether we wanted more.  But along with our relationship, I was required to change my career goals to have a future with these two.  When I realized this was a path I had to take, about six months into the relationship, I told him that if we’re together and I were to remain in this area, I want to have another kid.  Now, over a year and a half into our relationship, I told him I might want two more kids if the first one goes well.

Just talk!  If you two don’t have a compatible future, there may be no reason to continue a relationship… because it could lead to resentment.

Post # 7
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

onedayIwillbeabee:  Slow down and enjoy it for what it is…a new relationship. You guys are just starting to enjoy each other’s company and you are already talking about babies. Just enjoy that you have a new boyfriend and don’t rush it.

I married my husband 3 months into our relationship. I have no regrets about marrying him, but sometimes I wish I would have waited and enjoyed the dating/engagement time more. It is such a fun/exciting time! There is no reason to rush through it!

Post # 9
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

onedayIwillbeabee:  I really don’t want to be the debbie downer here, but if you’ve only ever skyped and haven’t hungout in person, how do you know for sure you’re in love? Everyone puts on their best face at first, and via skype it would be even easier to hide the crazy. What if you hate his little habits? What if you hate his friends? The way he chews his food? How he likes to spend his down time? What if he’s too messy/too much of a neat freak? It’s just too easy to present yourself a certain way online. I’m all for online dating (done it a few times) but don’t get your hopes up till after you’ve been around each other. He could smell weird or have some major medical/mental health issues that you may not be willing or able to handle. Also, chemistry is a big BIG deal and you may have it online, but find that in person you feel completely different. 

Just take it slow. Rushing things may lead to some big regrets.

I know I came off as harsh, but I’ve had a few not great online dating experiences, and my best friend was once in a longterm online relationship that was very unhealthy, so I’m cautious when it comes to this sort of thing.

Post # 10
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You love a man and his kids even though you haven’t met and it’s been less than 2 months? I would worry you love the idea of him and the idea of his kids. And how can your family love him when you they haven’t met? I’m confused.

Post # 11
Member
328 posts
Helper bee

onedayIwillbeabee:  honey…I just want to tell you to be careful.  I am SURE your guys is legit, but I wanna tell you my story just in case…

I met a guy on POF in 2009 who was posting from my area, but aimed to be on deployment, then briefly after we began to chat told me he had been injured, and would be bedridden for several months.  Long story short, he completely disappeared on me one day after several weeks of chat, email, amd phone calls, so I googled his username, rather than the full name as I had before.  He popped up in several message boards as a scammer. 

Anyway, be careful.  Has he e-mailed you from his .mil address?  Have you googled not just his full name but his username as well?  I wish you the best of luck!  Just take it slow and be aware.

Post # 12
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Yeah, this sounds wonderful, but you need to slow down. Wait until you’ve met him. As for his kids? I didn’t even let FI and my DD meet until 10 months after we started dating exclusively. No way would I introduce my kids to someone I’ve never met. See how you 2 jive in person. After a few more in-person meetings/visits, then start talking turkey. I know LDRs can be tough, but you need to ultimately watch out for yourself.

Post # 14
Member
303 posts
Helper bee

onedayIwillbeabee:  I suggest you meet him in person at least 5-10 times (withOUT the children there) before you start figuring out how to discuss his visectomy… 

Post # 15
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

onedayIwillbeabee:  Aw sweetie, you’re just starting. Enjoy the now. That conversation will naturally come up as you spend time with someone and learn about them…along with lots of other things like career, family, finances, values, etc.

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