New Relationship & Sex

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Ummmm sometimes men expect sex. That doesn’t mean he’s gonna get it. If you don’t want sex before marriage, tell him. Be clear about it.

 

Post # 3
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

I “expect” a lot of things in life, and by “expect” I mean “want”. I don’t always get what I want. Also, men/women don’t “expect” sex, but they do want it. Again, we don’t always get what we want.

Post # 4
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Church and University

Don’t do it.  Just don’t.  And “liking” him does not equate to marriage.  He’s obviously further along emotionally than you are.  While that’s ok, he cannot expect you to feel a certain way too. 

 

Personally? I would run.

Post # 5
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

Tell him that he’s moving too fast for you, and let him know that you’re not comfortable with the sex situtation.<br />He can expect whatever he wants, but if you’re not fully into it, you’re gonna have a terrible time.

Post # 6
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Relat:  If you are not ready, then you are not ready.  The right guy, and it could be him once you tell him, will respect you and your boundaries and will wait for ‘it’.

 

Post # 8
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

There’s nothing wrong with you wanting to wait. However, if you want to wait, you need to be upfront w/ the guy. Depending on your age, culture, etc, many guys will not want to wait for sex. Same can be said for the women too. You need to be upfront, honest and firm with your stance. If he’s willing to stick it out, then great. If not, then you two aren’t for each other.

Post # 9
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Lots of people wait. Men who pressure need to get gone! there’s no excuse for this kind of guilt tripping emotional blackmail. If he truly loved you he would respect your beliefs and remain kindly patient. I am unconvinced. 

Post # 10
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

Relat:  he can expect it till he’s blue in the face, and you don’t have to give him a damn thing. If it’s a dealbreaker to him, then so be it.

Post # 11
Member
3044 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

You are well within your rights to say not marriage, no sex. Some guys (definitely not all) will say anything to get into your pants; he can’t just say ‘you’re my wife’ and that’s good enough. Don’t let him pressure you, and take your time.

Post # 12
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Relat:  This whole things sounds…..strange, for lack of a better way to put it.

How long have you been dating?  The fact that he says he wants to marry you…but then wants sex (does that mean he never knew you didn’t want sex until marriage?)  is confusing.  How old are you guys?  For some reason I read this and it reminds me of young kids when the guy would tell the girl he loves her to have sex with her LOL– I’m not saying that this is what’s happening.  

Maybe it’s the lack of details in your post.  It’s not that strange that adult men “expect” sex in a relationship, FYI.  But it also doesn’t mean you have to give it to them if it’s not what you’re all about.

My husband and I always have goofy conversations, and somehow, the other night before bed, we started talking about if we had waited to have sex until marriage.  I asked him if I had wanted to wait, would he still have wanted to marry me?  And he was honest with me and said that if– after an appropriate amount of time, I wasn’t about having sex, he likely wouldn’t have continued to date me.  

This didn’t make sense to me.  He told me the night that he fell in love with me was our night at the fair (an extemely memorable night day and night in our relationship for both of us).  We had not slept together- yet– but we did for the first time late in the evening.  But he specifically had told me he new he loved me while we were still at the fair.  I asked him how, if he loved me, he could just walk away is I had wanted to wait for marriage to have sex.  

He explained that, no, we likely wouldn’t have continued to date– but it’s not like he would have just walked away and “gotten over me” immediately.  He just said that if I wanted to wait until marriage for sex, it was likely that our beliefs were different to the point that it might not have worked out, and that we weren’t on the same page.

This conversation was all in good fun– we were on the same page and merely have a hypotheticals conversation.

And his answer didn’t bother me- he was being honest with me.  He’s the sweetest guy I know.

 

Sounds like you and your guy need to have a better understanding of eachother’s expectations.

Post # 13
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

I don’t see this going well. If he can’t understand and respect your desire to wait, then he doesn’t deserve you. 

Post # 14
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Is this even real? My goodness… sometimes I just have to wonder.

Post # 15
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Relat:  I think you should try to seak out a guy with a similar mindset to your own.  Your view is no longer the norm, so many potential partners will not understand it.  But if it’s a strong conviction of yours, you need to find someone with the same value, or who is at least open minded to it.

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