New to post, Lurking for a while on the site

posted 5 months ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

if he can’t give you a less vague answer than “not the right time”, then you need to either accept that you may be waiting 5+ years for a proposal from this guy or move on.  you are justified in asking for a more concrete explanation, whether that be he wants to be more financially stable, or he wants to see if your relationship is still solid after say 3 years…but waiting for the nebulous “right time” will spiral you into a depressive, self-loathing mess.  you deserve someone who is as sure about you as you are about them.  kind of contrary to other posters, I’m inclined to think that both your past marriages make you better at identifying which things you really want and need in a partner, so I think 2 years is plenty of time for you to know or not know.  I’d say in the context of this situation it’s time to break out the ultimatum.  Figure out what the absolute maximum amount of time you’re willing to wait is, and straight up tell him “I will give you one more year/6 months/1 week from today to figure out if this is it or not” and if nothing changes, WALK.

Post # 17
Member
2266 posts
Buzzing bee

I swore I would never remarry as my divorce was the divorce from hell.  It took me a long, LONG time to be sure I was ready to commit to my husband.  I cannot imagine going thru that again. In all candor I must admit to actually taking a pen and paper and writing out the pros/cons of remarriage.

I truly doubt  I’d have the emotional fortitude to try a third time.

Post # 19
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If I had a nickel for every post I saw with “he just wants to surprise me and make it special”  It sounds to me like he is just saying things you want to hear so you don’t leave 🙁

Post # 21
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

jessicahines :  oh honey, I’m so happy he managed to tell you how he feels. Guys hate to be pressured, so once we stopped pressuring them into marrying us, they just do it. I hope that’s the case for you! 

I know even after the assurance I get from my SO, it will get me through a few weeks then I need to know why he still hasn’t proposed because everything felt good. Insane, I know but this has been two years.

Post # 22
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

jessicahines :  I don’t get it. He asked you to propose. You did. He accepted. It’s been 5 months since you proposed and he hasn’t gotten it together to give you a “special, surprise proposal”? I’m sorry, but nothing about this rings true at all. IMO, he doesn’t want you to leave, but he also doesn’t want to propose. I’d really, strongly consider the fact that actions speak louder than words.

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