- 6 years ago
After a particularly sad night of staring at my empty left hand, I took my tearstreaked self and googled “he wants to get married, why hasn’t he proposed?!?!” I found this board! So many people just like me! And I thought I was being ridiculous. After hours of pouring over stories just like mine I feel slightly relieved that I’m not alone and slightly terrified that I’ll be waiting FOREVER. So he’s my story:
BF and I have been together for almost three years, living together for just over one. He’s 28, I’m 26. He first mentioned getting married back in February. We talked about a timeline (next summer) and a place (on the beach), we even discussed an officiant (my brother.) I was THRILLED. I’ve known since about our third date that I was going to marry him and this just felt like the next natural step. Smooth and comfortable, just like our relationship. I thought he was going to pop the question any moment; after all next summer isn’t that far away.
After that conversation in Feb, he didn’t mention getting married again. We’ll talk about our wedding-he wants a band, I want a white dress, we both want a rockin dance floor, but never getting married or a timeline. On the occasion that I bring it up, he seems to shut down. I started getting antsy, but I understand that we’re not financially set right now and there’s definitely no ring/wedding money lying around.
Fast forward to two weeks ago when he tells me that he needs to get married by April (he’s Canadian and America doesn’t love him as much as I do without an American wife.) APRIL?!?!? What is he waiting for!! I sat him down and told him that if he thinks we’re getting married in April, I need six months to plan a wedding. He’s so set on a proposal being a “surprise.” He wouldn’t look at pictures of rings I sent him because “it would ruin the surprise.” I told him he could get me a CZ ring or use a ring I already have because the ring isn’t that important to me, having a wedding with our friends and family is. He is set on a real ring and keeping it a surprise.
Now I’m getting a bit hysterical. I don’t want a surprise, I want to plan the wedding! I’m angry that HE has the deadline and yet he’s making ME wait. His stupid immigration status has now become MY problem. Talk about unromantic… In the online planning I’ve done in secret, I’ve found that the venue I want is booked all but one Saturday in April and the band I think he’d like is booked a bunch too. We need to start planning!
And now everything we do makes me so angry. Every day feels like the perfect time to propose that he didn’t take. Everything we do that I used to love crushes me when we get home without a ring. I can’t make him propose sooner and I can’t seem to stop being so sad when he doesn’t do it on his own. I know that I need to just relax and the proposal will come, but how do I stop myself from thinking about it constantly and getting so mad when it doesn’t happen? Has anyone mastered this? My birthday is next week and I just know that there won’t be a proposal and I’ll be crushed all over again. This is really ruining every special moment for me.
I made the mistake of telling my mom about the April deadline. Now every time I talk to her, she has a new wedding idea and asks if I have a ring yet. If it was up to her, the whole thing would be planned already, with or without a proposal. It’s a constant reminder that, no, I’m still not engaged and I think planning before the engagement will jinx it. Help! How do I stop thinking about this!