New to this Site! Been waiting for 4.5 years!

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

Have you guys had any discussions about your future plans, engagement etc?? after 4.5 years I think its more than reasonable to have a talk and see where he stands with respect to getting engaged, married etc..You don’t need to pressure him or give him an ultimatium but you have every right to ask him where he sees this relationship going.  He might not even have a clue that you want to get engaged… I would have a talk with him.

Post # 4
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think one thing that may help is to stop comparing your relationship to the people around you. Talk to your SO and let him know all of these things you are feeling. 

Post # 6
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

ellagrace:  I can relate. I’m going on 6 years with my significant other. We always discussed getting married and it wasn’t until this year that he’s decided to make moves (ask for persmission, buy a ring!!). I also felt discouraged…I had tons of friends who I felt were “moving on”, getting married and having kids and honestly, it’s hard NOT to compare yourself and your life when you want something you feel you can’t have…it’s human nature, so don’t beat yourself up about it. But in the same token, don’t beat yourself up about not being married and not being there quite yet. If you’ve had this discussion with your SO and you’re both on the same page about your future plans, then you should trust him to do right by you and propose, in his own time. Now I’m not saying to tough it out, I think you should still have a serious discussion with him to reiterate what you want and need and go from there. I know my bf wanted to get “all his ducks in a row” (he actually says this corny line lol) before he wanted to take that leap. So set yourself a realistic timeline and keep your head up, enjoy your relationship and this “waiting” period.  Good luck to you and I’ll certainly keep my eyes peeled for your proposal story!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  soon2bhitched.
Post # 8
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

ellagrace:  =) Anytime you have the wedding itch, just hop on the site and browse through. I’m in my late 20’s so I’m also starting to feel that sense of urgency with getting married and having a family. I’ve always joked that my biological clock was nonexistent, but I swear one day I woke up and realized that tick…I drove myself mad for a couple of weeks, snapping at my poor SO. Then I realized that I was missing out and poo-pooing all over my wonderful relationship. I know some women say to set a strict timeline, but like you, I couldn’t ever “set a date” and walk out if it didn’t happen. I know how my SO feels about me and our relationship and very much like your SO, he is also very practical and concerned about money. As of now, I make more than he does…which is fine by me, really. But he’s always concerned about being able to support the both of us. It may seem silly, especially because I have a wonderful career and we’re not by any means, struggling financially. But I know my SO harps on it. Recently, he has come to grips that I will probably be the bread winner for a while, and has expressed that though he prefers to make just as much and contribute as much as I do, that he wouldn’t want me to wait for a ring just for that reason alone. It was a tough thing for him to get over, but he did. So now I’m just waiting for the ring…who knows how long it’ll be =) As for you, I can’t stress enough the importance of talking it out. I always encouraged my SO to pursue his dream career as opposed to settling for what’s convenient. He’s admitted that my encouragement has made him feel more at ease about his own personal insecurities about money…so if you find yourself to be in a similar situation, don’t be afraid to give your man a little love (which I’m sure you already do!). I wish you all the best and hope everything works out in your favor!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  soon2bhitched.
Post # 10
Member
16 posts
Newbee

I feel like I’m in a similar boat.  My SO and I have been together 4 years now.  I started asking questions last year because we had never really discussed engagements and marriage, other than acknowledging that we both want to get married and start a family at some point.  Last year, he said it would be coming, but there wasn’t a timeframe.  Then he lost his job a couple months ago (starting a new one tomorrow, so keeping fingers crossed that he likes it and it works out).  After he was laid off, he basically told me not to expect a proposal anytime soon because he wants know he can provide for me, which is understandable (although I also have a good-paying, steady job).  Once things started looking up, job-wise, he again said he could imagine getting engaged sometime within the next year.

I understand the walking on eggshells feeling.  I did tell him not to propose on a holiday, but any time we go away together or do something special, I’m always wondering if that’ll be it.  Obviously, I’m also disappointed every time it doesn’t happen.  Now I know not to expect much until he’s back into a routine with the new job, but it doesn’t stop me from eagerly waiting and expecting.

Post # 11
Member
44 posts
Newbee

I can totally relate. My now fiance were together 3 years and bought a house together and for me, once we started living together I suddenly found myself constantly waiting…it drove me nuts. This was also the point where the questions from family and friends became frequent. It felt like every other day someone would ask “when are you guys getting married?”…so annoying!

 

we just got engaged recently. I found out that from the time that lightbulb went off for him to propose to the time he got down on one knee…it took 6 months. 6 months for him to happily realize the importance of getting married, to do his homework on diamonds, to prepare himself financially and to actually plan the proposal.

 

 

 

Those same 6 months I was being crazy, letting others comments put doubt on my relationship, and taking little jabs at my fiance that I totally regret now :/

 

so trust your bf! You know him best. esp if he’s given you a reassurance, it’ll happen!

Post # 13
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Ugh I feel you….I just started a thread with similar emotions 

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