New update* Boyfriend of 5 years! you might have read my posts before

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

How could we have read your previous posts when this is your first one?

 

I um…How old are you?

 

You asked a few different questions.

 

1st – Don’t pressure him, he’ll propose if and when he’s ready. Also he said he’ll know when it’s right? That would be a red flag for me…He should know by now after 5 years if your relationship is right…it should be when he’s ready.

 

2nd – You live with his family so they are going to be in your life. Stop talking trash about them. If you have an issue calmly bring it up with your SO instead of his family and think of solutions together then let him talk to them about it.If you don’t like it then move out, it’s their house. Also another red flag…you are having issues with his family and you live there…he tells you to GO BACK TO YOUR PARENTS? It doesn’t sound like this guy is even remotely ready for marriage, kids etc and you should really start looking at your relationship more and if this is really what he wants, not just you.

 

Post # 6
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You sound very immature. I agree you should be able to take care of your kids if you are planning on having them. Living with a bf’s dad is not an ideal situation. Love is not enough, sorry.

Post # 7
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@Fluffmallow Yeah that’s what I’m thinking. The whole post is just off and there are so many red flags with this guy.

Post # 10
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

How are you going to be able to afford an engagement ring and a wedding if you can’t even afford to live on your own? This doesn’t sound like an ideal situation for anyone involved, and it’s only going to make your relationship with your future in-laws much worse. If I were you, I’d focus on saving up enough money to move into my own apartment (with or without SO) and THEN worry about getting engaged.

Post # 11
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I wish I knew what was right to say here. 

I’m 30, never married, I’m a waiting bee.  There is not a right time really to buy jewelry, get engaged, get married, have kids.  But, two people DO need to be on the same page.  It sounds like he is thinking about it so you need to focus on this postive instead of the negative.  You will drive yourself and your SO crazy worrying about other people and if they have having kids, getting engaged, married etc. TRUST ME haha take it from someone who is older who knows and has learned the hard way.

This stuck out to me:

and they always telling us shouldn’t have kids yet until this time, your immature..like really who the hell are you to try and run my life

Coupled with this: 

we kinda live with my bf dad and brother until get our own place

I really mean this in the best way, I do….but why would you be considering kids when you two are clearly not on your own two feet yet?  You should at least have your own place and be able to support a kid before you have a kid.  It’s honestly not fair to that child.

Hang in there bee, keep your head up!

Post # 12
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t want to come off as sounding rude but the two of you sound immature. Instead of focusing on being engaged and a timeline, focus on getting a place for just the two of you and your career. You are trying to plan a life based on an appropiate timeline when you should go with the flow and accept things as they are.

It sound to me that he is joking about the marriage situation because he isn’t ready and he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. 

You also need to work on your relationship with his family. If you do want to marry him then you will be marrying into the family and need to get along with them for the sake of your boyfriend. I also think that you don’t agree with his family because they are telling the truth. They are older then you so they do know a little more about life. 

When you have a stable household of your own, a stable career, and relationship then you should start being more serious about wedding & family plans. You are only 25, just because your friends are having babies and planning weddings doesn’t mean you have to.

Post # 13
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@truelove25:  I remember you! Welcome back!

Seriously, though, time to find a new BF. Your guy doesn’t sound like he’s planning on making you a wife so much as making you a baby mama after his friends have another kid.

Time to move on!

Post # 14
Member
5 posts
Newbee

If he would leave you merely because you aren’t a fan of his complaining family, then he’s not the one and good riddance. I know you don’t feel like that, but down the road you would realize it. Nonetheless, if you don’t even have your own place right now, then it sounds to me (just assuming here) like finances are not in order? Most men like their family to like their woman, and the other way around. But mostly, they want them to like you, even if you just tolerate them. Additionally, men like to feel stable financially. If you cant even afford your own place yet, then I would say a ring is NOT on his mind. Sorry.

Post # 15
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@truelove25:  it just sounds like he isn’t ready to get married, which is why he won’t commit to a timeline. I have lots of friends who had kids before they were financially stable – it has been very very hard and they’ve had to rely on support from family and friends just to scrape by. Love is wonderful but it won’t shelter, feed, or clothe a child.

Maybe you guys could put the wedding talk on hold for a year or so and focus on getting your own place and some savings in the bank? I think working as a team and achieving stability would help you progress towards marriage much more effectively than pressuring him.

Post # 16
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It was very difficult to follow your post. Not exactly sure what you are asking here.

I don’t think you appreciate what his father is doing for the two of you. You are “kinda”?? living in his house yet you don’t think he should have any involvement in your life.

Your boyfriend is probably annoyed with the fact that you keep on asking him for a ring, so I would stop bringing it up so often.

 

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