Post # 1
ok so you might have read my posts before about how bf and i together almost 5 years(we are 25) living together for 2 years this november. How he always said 3 years for any jewlery..and he followed through and said 5 years for engagement. Even though said this he would be off and on about the subject and i confronted him couple times and he says trying to throw me off and we will get married one day. This year after finding out our friend is engaged he bought up us getting engaged more but then be negative again..so i asked him why he doing this again! he confusing me.,he laughs says don’t how to joke around with him and he will propose not this year but “soon”…..ok so thats the summary lol
Anyways so.,yesterday he kinda bought up us having kids and everytime does that i make sure he knows i want a ring on my finger before kids, married for 2-3 years before trying and sooo i said to him “by the way..whats your timeline for marriage?”…he says “33…” im like “ummm ok really?!”…bf says “naw 40″…im like “common..seriously.,thats a little to late, you know my time line..”(which is 26-27 be married, 28-30 have babies), He started to say “our friends kid will be like 4 when start trying for kids” (they having their baby in couple weeks) and im like “huh?” then bf says “…i don’t have a timeline for anything its when it feel it is right” after he said that i just stopped talking about it. Was i pressuring him to much??:(
ps. Also his family and i well us are not getting along to well..we kinda live with my bf dad and brother until get our own place..and well we do split rent and stuff but his dad complains that we don’t do anything and he broke all the time because of us to his sisters and none! of it is true..so we confronted his dad..he said doesn’t mean to sound like he complains but yet he still does it..soo anyways his sisters try and butt into our lives and they don’t know half the story…and they always telling us shouldn’t have kids yet until this time, your immature..like really who the hell are you to try and run my life. So i basically spoke up a couple times to his family but decided to keep mouth shut from now on and let the bf do the talking..i have told my bf i am very upset with family, think they can be assholes..he agrees but bought it up to many times and think he getting upset..which i understand but i hate coming home now that his dad and brother are back from vancouver working, they irritate me…i told my bf this and he says well go back to your parents for alittle bit till they are gone..i understand what your saying but nothing we can do right now can’t throw them on street…which i agreed don’t want that either.
So i talked to my mom and sister about this fam issue..and they think if i keep saying i hate his family he will leave eventually:( so i stopped. What would u do in this situation?
Post # 3
How could we have read your previous posts when this is your first one?
I um…How old are you?
You asked a few different questions.
1st – Don’t pressure him, he’ll propose if and when he’s ready. Also he said he’ll know when it’s right? That would be a red flag for me…He should know by now after 5 years if your relationship is right…it should be when he’s ready.
2nd – You live with his family so they are going to be in your life. Stop talking trash about them. If you have an issue calmly bring it up with your SO instead of his family and think of solutions together then let him talk to them about it.If you don’t like it then move out, it’s their house. Also another red flag…you are having issues with his family and you live there…he tells you to GO BACK TO YOUR PARENTS? It doesn’t sound like this guy is even remotely ready for marriage, kids etc and you should really start looking at your relationship more and if this is really what he wants, not just you.
Post # 4
bf has two older sisters in 30’s and one thats like year older..,all married except one of the older ones…they all have kids, houses and they think because got money, houses and married that they are perfect and only then should someone have kids…..like really even if i was not well equipped i would put my child first before me and make sure they have love they need…who are they to tell me im not ready for a child(which im not..but fact that they said that pissed me off and i did tell one of the sisters exactly what just said here)
Post # 5
@Bazinga: i deleted other ones
Post # 6
You sound very immature. I agree you should be able to take care of your kids if you are planning on having them. Living with a bf’s dad is not an ideal situation. Love is not enough, sorry.
Post # 7
@Fluffmallow Yeah that’s what I’m thinking. The whole post is just off and there are so many red flags with this guy.
Post # 10
How are you going to be able to afford an engagement ring and a wedding if you can’t even afford to live on your own? This doesn’t sound like an ideal situation for anyone involved, and it’s only going to make your relationship with your future in-laws much worse. If I were you, I’d focus on saving up enough money to move into my own apartment (with or without SO) and THEN worry about getting engaged.
Post # 11
I wish I knew what was right to say here.
I’m 30, never married, I’m a waiting bee. There is not a right time really to buy jewelry, get engaged, get married, have kids. But, two people DO need to be on the same page. It sounds like he is thinking about it so you need to focus on this postive instead of the negative. You will drive yourself and your SO crazy worrying about other people and if they have having kids, getting engaged, married etc. TRUST ME haha take it from someone who is older who knows and has learned the hard way.
This stuck out to me:
and they always telling us shouldn’t have kids yet until this time, your immature..like really who the hell are you to try and run my life
Coupled with this:
we kinda live with my bf dad and brother until get our own place
I really mean this in the best way, I do….but why would you be considering kids when you two are clearly not on your own two feet yet? You should at least have your own place and be able to support a kid before you have a kid. It’s honestly not fair to that child.
Hang in there bee, keep your head up!
Post # 12
I don’t want to come off as sounding rude but the two of you sound immature. Instead of focusing on being engaged and a timeline, focus on getting a place for just the two of you and your career. You are trying to plan a life based on an appropiate timeline when you should go with the flow and accept things as they are.
It sound to me that he is joking about the marriage situation because he isn’t ready and he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
You also need to work on your relationship with his family. If you do want to marry him then you will be marrying into the family and need to get along with them for the sake of your boyfriend. I also think that you don’t agree with his family because they are telling the truth. They are older then you so they do know a little more about life.
When you have a stable household of your own, a stable career, and relationship then you should start being more serious about wedding & family plans. You are only 25, just because your friends are having babies and planning weddings doesn’t mean you have to.
Post # 13
@truelove25: I remember you! Welcome back!
Seriously, though, time to find a new BF. Your guy doesn’t sound like he’s planning on making you a wife so much as making you a baby mama after his friends have another kid.
Time to move on!
Post # 14
If he would leave you merely because you aren’t a fan of his complaining family, then he’s not the one and good riddance. I know you don’t feel like that, but down the road you would realize it. Nonetheless, if you don’t even have your own place right now, then it sounds to me (just assuming here) like finances are not in order? Most men like their family to like their woman, and the other way around. But mostly, they want them to like you, even if you just tolerate them. Additionally, men like to feel stable financially. If you cant even afford your own place yet, then I would say a ring is NOT on his mind. Sorry.
Post # 15
@truelove25: it just sounds like he isn’t ready to get married, which is why he won’t commit to a timeline. I have lots of friends who had kids before they were financially stable – it has been very very hard and they’ve had to rely on support from family and friends just to scrape by. Love is wonderful but it won’t shelter, feed, or clothe a child.
Maybe you guys could put the wedding talk on hold for a year or so and focus on getting your own place and some savings in the bank? I think working as a team and achieving stability would help you progress towards marriage much more effectively than pressuring him.
Post # 16
It was very difficult to follow your post. Not exactly sure what you are asking here.
I don’t think you appreciate what his father is doing for the two of you. You are “kinda”?? living in his house yet you don’t think he should have any involvement in your life.
Your boyfriend is probably annoyed with the fact that you keep on asking him for a ring, so I would stop bringing it up so often.