Post # 1
Hi everyone… Been a bit of a serial weddingbee stalker for the last few weeks… Maybe months but whos counting! Anyway, just about to spontaneously combust through waiting, so i thought i would join and see if anyone has advice or ideas on my situation! Bit of background. I’m 25 my partner is 38. We have been together 3.5 years and living together 2. He has a 10yr old daughter from previous. We’ve had our ups and downs, as any couple does but we are going strong. Hes not a lovey dovey guy, and doesn’t talk a lot about feelings, but hes always there for me and tells me he loves me when it really matters. Anyway we or I have talked about marriage, children etc. To begin with he said he didn’t want to get married, because hes seen so many fall apart and hes not a real social guy so the whole day seems a bit daunting. I told him i want to be married before having kids and coz of his age worry that time is not on our side! After more talks he told me he will marry me one day but we agreed we would run away to do it. But was all a bit vague. Anyway I found myself talking about it all the time! So about 6months ago i dropped the subject. Since then he has brought it up a few times, and likes to tease me that no one will marry me etc and waits for my reaction. Cheeky sod. Recently his attitude has changed, hes more affectionate, loving, he cleans up after himself (scary) and hes talking about planning my bday, which is in oct. For a man that normally gets my prezzys the day before this is a bit unusual! He has been spending a lot of time with his mum, and has taken more of an interest in my family. trying not to get my hopes up but its driving me nuts! Sometimes tho, i worry it will never happen, tho I’m sure he knows how much it means to me. Any thoughts, ideas or cyber slaps greatly appreciated!
Post # 2
He tells you that no one will marry you? What an awful thing to say, even in jest. Is this guy good enough for you?
I think it’s time for a serious talk about timelines. If he balks at that, you have your answer. It’s better than trying to crack his code, if there is one.
Post # 3
hi thanks for your reply. I guess its hard to understand someones relationship through one post. I don’t take offence to things he says like that I 100% know he is joking and is looking for a reaction, to be honest we constantly tease and whined each other up. Maybe we are odd but wouldn’t want it any other way. Do you think a timeline talk would be better than dropping it for a while then?
Post # 4
wanttobee: That sounds like the sort of thing my fiance says! He loves to call me fat because of how skinny I am. I think that’s the best kind of relationship, being able to joke like that!
I think a timeline talk would be helpful though, stop your stressing a little.
Post # 5
wanttobee: I don’t think he wants to marry you. Plenty if men talk about having babies without intending to marry.
Post # 6
I think you should set a timeline in your head – wait and see what happens in October so that you don’t spoil the surprise. If it doesn’t happen then it’s time to tell him that you had really hoped he would propose then and ask him if he does see marriage and children as your future snd if so when. If you can’t discuss this at that stage then you shoils not contemplate someone you can’t talk to about anything. If he says no then you have your answer and time then to decide your future.
Post # 7
thanks for your replies. I think having my own timeline is a good idea. Its hard to know what hes thinking but i wouldn’t want to ruin any possible surprises. I don’t worry too much that he doesn’t want to marry me, its just when. We are so busy all the time, it never seems a good time! We both work full time, and we are restoring a 300year old house, doing all the work together. Its the hints that are frustrating, he sometimes calls me his wife to be. (i tell him only when he asks).
Post # 8
I’m afraid that I’m a great believer in the idea that a man who wants to get married is a man who is at least prepared to discuss it sensibly! Even if that discussion involves talking about their current unreadiness.
My DH and I lived together for YEARS before we married – a situation that suited us both – and would happily talk about how we knew we would marry eventually but we’d know when the time was right. The subject of marriage was never off-limits but neither of us felt the need to keep raising it. We knew where we stood and we knew we were on the same page.
It’s all very well saying that you love to wind each other up but some topics need to be taken seriously and even if he isn’t ready to get married just yet, he ought to be able to say so and stop making hints he doesn’t follow up. Having your own timeline is a good idea but you have to be prepared to accept the consequences if you haven’t had a proposal when the time limit expires. Would you seriously leave him? Or just extend the timeline in the hopes that he’ll come round?
Post # 9
thanks for your reply. we have talked just not loads. That’s a very good point, I’ve been thinking about this, and I always new I wanted to get married before I start a family, and when my dad was ill I told him I would get married before children, and on that day I’d have a special place for him. But then I love my partner so much that I cant imagine being without him. Rock and hard place. Thanks though guys.