newbe… am I waiting?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
4878 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

He tells you that no one will marry you?  What an awful thing to say, even in jest.  Is this guy good enough for you?

I think it’s time for a serious talk about timelines.  If he balks at that, you have your answer.  It’s better than trying to crack his code, if there is one.

Post # 4
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

wanttobee:  That sounds like the sort of thing my fiance says! He loves to call me fat because of how skinny I am. I think that’s the best kind of relationship, being able to joke like that!

I think a timeline talk would be helpful though, stop your stressing a little.

Post # 5
1232 posts
Bumble bee

wanttobee:  I don’t think he wants to marry you. Plenty if men talk about having babies without intending to marry. 

Post # 6
450 posts
Helper bee

I think you should set a timeline in your head – wait and see what happens in October so that you don’t spoil the surprise.  If it doesn’t happen then it’s time to tell him that you had really hoped he would propose then and ask him if he does see marriage and children as your future snd if so when.  If you can’t discuss this at that stage then you shoils not contemplate someone you can’t talk to about anything.  If he says no then you have your answer and time then to decide your future.

Post # 8
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m afraid that I’m a great believer in the idea that a man who wants to get married is a man who is at least prepared to discuss it sensibly! Even if that discussion involves talking about their current unreadiness.

My DH and I lived together for YEARS before we married – a situation that suited us both – and would happily talk about how we knew we would marry eventually but we’d know when the time was right. The subject of marriage was never off-limits but neither of us felt the need to keep raising it. We knew where we stood and we knew we were on the same page.

It’s all very well saying that you love to wind each other up but some topics need to be taken seriously and even if he isn’t ready to get married just yet, he ought to be able to say so and stop making hints he doesn’t follow up. Having your own timeline is a good idea but you have to be prepared to accept the consequences if you haven’t had a proposal when the time limit expires. Would you seriously leave him? Or just extend the timeline in the hopes that he’ll come round?

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