- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2016
Been lurking for a while, and finally decided to start posting. Sorry if its long, I think things have been building up, lol.
Short intro: The Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are in our mid- twenties, have been together for four years, and have been living together for just over one year. We recently bought a condo together (only in his name though, since my finances aren’t great), and that’s where we are now.
So things are great between us, I love him to pieces, but I have been getting little antsy about the marriage thing. Marriage has never really come up organically between except for last summer at his brother’s wedding where his relatives kept asking “when our turn is”. I’m not sure what he told them, since the convo was in French, but he translated it to me as “not for a very, very, very, very long time”. I wasn’t really thinking about marriage at the time though, so I let it go.
This year I’ve really started thinking about it though, and I decided to talk to him about it about 3 months ago. The convo, while not bad, didn’t really help though. I told him I didn’t want to move into the condo with him, unless we were on the same page. I told him I didn’t want to pressure him, but I needed to know if we were headed towards marriage, to which he said yes, and that he didn’t feel pressured. I asked if he saw us married in a few years, and he said yes. I guess I seemed unsatisfied, because he asked if I wanted him to ask now? Of course I said no. I don’t know it meant anything or not, because then he asked if we could go back to watching tv.
So I’ve tried to leave it be for the past few months, tried mr. Bee’s plan, and focusing more on myself, but its still gnawing at me. I feel anxious about whether it will happen at all, and it makes me irritable with him a lot.
It doesn’t help matters that I was just laid off last week from my part- time job (no EI, no savings) and I’m broke, broke, broke with no immediate job prospects. I’m going back to school next year, so it’s going to be another 4 years probably until I have a full- time job in my field. This is something I feel is really holding us back, that I can’t contribute financially. He makes pretty good money, and says he can afford to support us until I’m employed again, but I can’t imagine he’ll want to get engaged with my brokeness. I realize we definitely can’t afford a wedding right now, but I don’t see a problem with getting engaged and a long engagement to save money. I don’t need an expensive ring either, somedays I think I’d be happy just with a piece of string around my finger haha.
So I guess my question is if I should have another conversation, about timelines? I think I’d feel a lot better if I knew what he is thinking, if it’ll be this year or in five. I just don’t want to pressure or nag him. Should I just leave things alone, or bring it up again? He never talks about these things, he’s a very one-day-at-a- time guy.
Thank you all for listening 🙂