Post # 1
I introduced myself on the intro thread already, but figured I’d write a whole other post as I am in need of advice and felt like this might be the right place to come to!
So I am 22, my SO is 23, and we will have been together 2.5 years in August. I am absolutely in love with this man, and have been since before we began dating. He is everything I ever dreamed I could find in a partner and more – amazingly kind, compassionate, patient, intelligent, handsome, and absolutely hilarious. We agree on most of the important stuff – politics, spirituality (for the most part), how many children we want, our hopes for the future. We also have a ton in common as far as interests go. So, naturally, we have been discussing marriage and our future together for a while now. We are thinking we’ll probably get married sometime in 2013, since we’ll both just be starting our undergrad studies this fall and it just wouldn’t seem practical for us before then.
Here’s the problem – we don’t live together yet, and I know that he’s not ready to take that next step for a while (at least for a year). But the thing is that he still lives at home, and I’ve been on my own since I was 18. We spend pretty much every night together, because it just feels better than sleeping alone, obviously. But I feel like if I have to wait much longer to live with him that I might go crazy! I already think about our wedding all the time, and as if that isn’t bad enough, I am still only dreaming about living with him.
Is there any way I can avoid going mental during this waiting period? Or somehow let him know how much I would like to live together sooner than a year or two from now?
Thanks so much Bees!
Post # 3
Welcome !! I’ll be boring – talk to him, my FI and I are getting married 9 months after we got engaged, we weren’t living together before hand – he’s a vicar and it would have been awkward, but when we got engaged we decided that it was better to find out now rather than later that we couldn’t live with each-others habits or whatever.
Just say to your FI, I really want to live with you, and the money we can save on rent or whatever can go towards the wedding!!!! Don’t go crazy – buy a plant, to keep you occupied – and plan your wedding, have fun!!!!!! you can start to look at dates and stuff – and gathering pictures in a shoe box for idea’s for a little closer to the time!!!
hope I helped!!!!!
Post # 4
First, I SO understand how all-consuming and crazy the waiting can feel. So you’re not on your own.
I agree w vicarswifeintraining–a conversation is probably the first step. What are the reasons you think he’s “not ready” to move in? Is it against his beliefs/values, or you think he just needs to mature & spend more time at home? Maybe just opening up and talking about it will get him thinking, and eventually acting.
I have to say, though–I live with my wonderful boyfriend, and the wedding waiting is just as tough now as before…if not worse 🙂
Post # 5
@twentyfiftyseven: Thanks for your input! We have talked about it, and I guess he just feels like for the first couple of years of school it would be better if we weren’t trying to adjust to living together also. I agree with him there, however I am also afraid that once we move in together it will take even longer to become engaged.
I can’t help but feeling a little frustrated that he isn’t as eager as I am right now, but I love him enough to wait for him to be ready (as long as it’s not 10 years from now).
I’ve also realized that the sliding vs. deciding theory is totally true, so that helps me feel better about the fact that he is really going to be mulling over this for a while.
Post # 6
I would keep talking with him about this. Obviously living together before you get engaged is important to you – perhaps he doesn’t know just how much?
Could you compromise? Could you wait until the first year of school is over before you take the plunge? Obviously it seems like he is practically living there anyway, so if that is going to continue then it would only make sense to formalise the arrangement.
I would find out why it is exactly he doesn’t want to move in together now – if it is for money, well it isn’t fair that you keep paying all the rent and bills and he practically lives there for free.
If you are in this for the long haul, living together and adjusting to each others habits makes good sense! Nobody is perfect and I have found living with my boyfriend extremely helpful – it has made us realise that we will get married one day and that we can actually live together! I have had an ex that I lived with for a short while, and well, lets just say that is why we are now exes!