Post # 1
I got married a couple of weeks ago and desperately need some emotional support for things not going as planned
- we got married in a registry office and the previous wedding ran 30 minutes over so my guests were waiting for over an hour and myself for 30 minutes and then our ceremony felt rushed to make up for lost time and they played our walking out song when we were signing the register and i had to tell them
- the photographer was rubbish – didn’t get most of the important photos and he discouraged me from getting them too saying “the guests don’t want photos taken as it’s too windy “I don’t think I’ll be able to get all the photos on the list” my mind is obviously elsewhere and it’s his job to make sure he got the photos. He also moaned that he was tired- totally unprofessional
- the hotel was a nightmare – all the promises they gave about doing the things I asked wasn’t done (too many to go into detail) but there wasn’t enough staff, guests were waiting over 20 minutes for a drink, there was no-one to greet guests etc etc, they gave our bridal suite to someone else and there was noone to take in our bags for us so we ended up carrying all our stuff in ourselves and then my husband ended up spending a lot of time sorting the room out when we were supposed to have photos taken
- our 4 year old daughter was sick and almost fainted so we didn’t have hardly any photos of her
- my husbands family went out to another pub for the turnaround rather than stay with us and he had a big argument with them and I couldn’t bring myself to talk with them after that so didn’t have photos with them either
- a lot of the day guests left and the room was nearly empty in the evening
- the wedding cake we had especially made wasn’t right – I am mixed race but the put a white model on top
- I ended up drinking more than I had planned as I was so stressed out
- at the end of the night husband and I had an argument over his family
- we went away for 3 days after and I was feeling so depressed I couldn’t get very intimate with husband as I just kept thinking of everything that didn’t go right
There are just so many things – we moved abroad last year and came back especially so we could have a lovely day with family and friends but all the vendors (apart from the florist) iust didn’t live up to all the promises and I want to be happy but I’m really disappointed as I put my heart and soul into planning the wedding and it was such a let down.
I know I’m married to the man I love etc – it’s not about that as of course I’m happy about that it’s just when you spend so much time planning a special day and people let you down it’s difficult to get over especially as it was such a big thing for me to do as I suffer from anxiety and depression – it was one day that I needed for things to go right especially as we moved abroad because my husband got a new job things haven’t been going as planned there either!!
This topic was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by curlyh.
Post # 2
Hugs…sorry things didn’t go as planned. I think it is often the case for brides that they build up this perfect day in their head and it is very hard for reality to live up to it.
By all means complain to the hotel and photographer if you weren’t happy with their service. Maybe you can get some money back that you can put towards another photo session for family and friends, or a nice dinner out. In the end you are still married to a wonderful man, and you have the rest of your lives to make up for any unexpected wedding stress. So try to let it go and look forward to a happy future.
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2014 - Kiawah Island
It doesn’t matter how much you plan, the weather and “other people” can always screw it up.
Here are my suggestions:
- Write reviews to give other brides the heads up about your lousy vendors.
- Sell or consign stuff from your wedding that you don’t plan to keep as heirlooms. Out of sight, out of mind.
- Focus on the good things that happened that day such as the people you loved who showed up and move on with being married. At the end of the day, the goal of the wedding was to get married. Mission accomplished.
Feel better soon!
Post # 4
Thank you so much for your post. I honestly just can’t believe all the things that didn’t go right, even the day before the tailors were over 2 hours late finishing my dress, husband suit etc and the hotel asked me for guest list names (again!). Also my sisters weren’t getting along and were having arguments all the time when I was ther at my mums house which didn’t help with the stress levels!
On the day as I was completely thrown by everything I just ended up in a daze and can’t even really remember a lot of it – people were coming up to me and telling me things I just didn’t need to know on my wedding day which got me down too.
I have to stay strong now for my daughter and husband and try not let this wear me down, everyone knows that the hotel messed up and I’m embarassed and I know certain people are secretly pleased that it didn’t go right.
We did get a little money back from the hotel but it was no where near what we should have got but of course we can’t really pursue it further as we are back abroad now and the back and forth with emails where they tried to make excuses was getting be down and my husband told me to accept the small offer so it didn’t drag on and stress me out any more.
The main reason why I decided to go for a bigger wedding was to celebrate with my family and friends but there was a lot of in-fighting and power struggles going on which I was being brought into and it was souring my day as well as anything else.
When I look back I see myself being upset more than being happy on the day which makes me feel bad for my husband.
I’m sorry to go on but this is really hard for me and unfortunately with my condition the negative emotions feed on themselves and I end up getting palpitations!
I will do my best to try and let it go but I’m afraid it may take a long time.
Post # 5
Luckily today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Plan romantic meals and outings even if they are local. Invite friends and colleagues around to a small party.
After 26 years of marriage I can say that my wedding day was not the best day of my life. The best was, and is, yet to come.
Post # 6
curlyh: You are not alone. We had a lot of things not go as planned as well. Every once in a while, these issues pop into my mind but I just have to remind myself that we achieved what we wanted to achieve. We are now married.
There is no use focusing on the negative things that happened. In time, you will feel better and a lot of these issues you had will be a good story to tell.
Just know that these things happen at wedding all the time. There is never, or rarely a wedding day that goes perfectly.
Post # 7
lovecacti Thank you all for your support. I do feel terrible moaning about the wedding – it wouldn’t be so bad if the service hadn’t felt rushed and they played the right songs at the right time. I could then get over the reception issues quicker but when there were problems from start to finish it’s harder and I know it sounds self pitying and self indulgent but I do think why me? There have been so many things that haven’t gone right for me over the last few years including being treated badly in the workplace, pregnancy and health issues and I just wanted this one day to go well. I just feel like I’m being punished for something. I will take on board all the advice and try and move on – the good thing is that we’ve been together for a long time and I’ve always felt we were married just not officially. A lesson I learnt about myself as well was to go with my instincts and listen to my inner voice. Thanks for helping. xx
Post # 8
((hugs)) Plan a special anniversary especially for yourselves to make some special memories that you feel you missed out on.
Post # 9
curlyh: I really feel for you. First I wonder if you have sought treatment for your depression at all? Do you have anyone you can talk to about this to help you work through it?
Know that everyone has things go wrong, whether it’s at work or in personal life or on a special wedding day. There is no rhyme or reason to it, these things just happen and it is not a personal attack on you. You survived all the other tough times and you will survive this one as well.
As long as you keep replaying the bad parts of the day, it will make it impossible for you to move on. Try your best to look to the future and think about what went well that day. Find something else you can look forward to and focus on that. Focus on making your husband and daughter feel the intense love you have for them despite hiccups from that day.
Post # 10
spiffanee Thank you so much for your support. I have had depression on and off for years, I’m not taking any meds atm as it only tends to get bad if something bad happens – I have it under control for the most part and am actually a very happy person when I’m not depressed – lol!
I am going to do my best to stop focusing on the bad parts and try and remember the good and as you are right I won’t be able to move on and I don’t want it sapping the joy from me every day.
I so appreciate everyone’s support on weddingbee and will do my very best to move on and look to the future.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
curlyh: Sounds like it was not your day at all. I’m so sorry it didn’t go as planned. Shame on the vendors for being so unprofessional and shame on family for making things harder rather than easier. Still, moving on will be a relief.
It does sound like you may be back in a bout of depression. If possible (I don’t know your health care situation abroad; I know my own is a hassle), try to take care of yourself. Get yourself a therapist and talk through some of this “punishment” that you spoke of. Get back on meds. You can’t be there for your family if you aren’t there for yourself first.
Post # 12
I’m so sorry that things didn’t go as you had planned. If it helps, there are other bees who have also struggled with post-wedding disappointment. I’ve commented about mine on a number of threads, and I will provide a link here of a thread in which many of us shared our stories. I hope reading through them will help you. HUGS!