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Welcome to weddingbee! Waiting is so stressful but it seems to me like he is giving you hints about wanting to get engaged. I would try to keep quiet about it because some guys like to completely suprise their girlfriend with a proposal and don't want her to be expecting it.
Welcome!! I think since you are saving money for a house that his concern about not having the money is legitimate. Maybe you could talk to him and see about getting an idea of getting engaged after you have a house, or making it a longer engagement to save money for the house and then having a wedding.
Hi Miss AsB... thanks for the first welcome message, that was quick!... I agree about keeping quiet since I don't want to spoil anything he may have planned, but man the wait can drive you mad!... If only men got this feeling we wouldn't have it so hard!
Naangel55, Hello! You are right the saving for a house thing is a very resonable reason to feel like an engagement would only add to a major financial headache!! but since the process of house buying will take us another year at least if I think hyperthetically in those terms it'll be another year and a half before a propose and another year for a wedding, how is any Bee suppose to wait that long when she is already so ready?! lol. I do consider asking him about an extended engagement but again I don't want to pressure him.
Isn't it such a catch 22. You don't want to make him take longer so you don't nag but you want to check that your on the same page/but you don't want to spoill anything. Ugh. swings and roundabouts!!
I know it's tough! My husband drove me completely crazy. He was planning to propose on a trip we were going on but we got in a fight and I got sick so we didn't go on the trip. So he didn't propose until we rescheduled the trip a year later and he tortured me the whole time!
To me buying a house together before being engaged is kind of the cart before the horse. I just don't understand. I know you said you refuse to say anything and you are young enough that I think you have time to wait longer if you'd like but I wouldn't buy a house with someone without an engagement. Just me. I hope its coming soon. A house is a huge commitment.
Then, to be fair, so is a pet and my bf and I had one after 3 months. So follow your gutt.
Hi mrs WWB--
I know exactly how you feel. I just got engaged last month after being together 2.5 years. I bugged him-annoyed him-dropped hints and i was completely obnoxious about it...I don't suggest you do what I did lol!
We would discuss it calmy, he even asked me to pick out rings, and then he would flip flop and have EVERY excuse in the book on why we couldn't get married..financial, etc...
All the while, he was searching, saving and customizing a ring for me. I eventually just didn't say anything, didnt bring it up and boom, he proposed...
the night he proposed he took me to a fancy restaurant and i was so upset because i thought"this was the night"..and after dessert came..i picked a huge fight with him because i was sick of waiting...all the while the RING WAS IN HIS POCKET...after dinner, he took to me to the top of the empire state building and proposed.
the point of this story is...you really have no idea what he is planning or what his plans are...he may be throwing you for a loop...iknow it sucks but you have to be patient and don't do what i did....you made it clear YOU are ready..let him make his move.
Welcome to the bad, mad, sad and exciting world of waiting. Be prepared for countless hours designing rings, addiction to wedding boards, sleepless nights and endless taunts/teasers.
This is the most supportive group of gals you will ever meet. Especially since your friends will quit listening and stop understanding:)
I am crossing my fingers for you!
welcome. ppl get to the point of wanting to get married at different times.i;ve been with my SO 3.6yrs now.live togther for 2.3yrs.and he has had a ring sitting in a safety deposit box for probabbly two yrs.and yes on some days it drives me crazy and every chance i get i remind him how he tortures me.he keeps telling me soon but i just roll my eyes.he also says he has somthing really speacial planned and he hopes i see how much he loves me when everything is revealed.i kn he has not come through in the past,but i have faith that one day soon will come to an end.all i can advise is if u love him and its a good relationship.give him time and hopefully he'll get to where he needs to be so u guys can both get what u want.best of luck to u.
bird
I hear ya on the waiting! It is frustrating and annoying and some days can really get you down. Right from the start I was ready to get married to my guy... and we have done what you are doing - buying the house first, then the engagement and the rest. It isn't for everyone, but for us it made the most financial sense.
I hope your wait isnt too long! At least he is talking about it and you just have to trust that it will happen!
I hear ya on the waiting! It is frustrating and annoying and some days can really get you down. Right from the start I was ready to get married to my guy... and we have done what you are doing - buying the house first, then the engagement and the rest. It isn't for everyone, but for us it made the most financial sense.
I hope your wait isnt too long! At least he is talking about it and you just have to trust that it will happen!
In my heart, your story is a little sad but full of love and moving. You are a strong and brave woman. I beleive you will get your true love and be a lucky dog! Best wishes for you!
Totally know what you're going through! We're saving for a house too and really makes it hard to find the money to get engaged/married. My SO is 29 too and you think they'd start to hear the clock ticking!
Hang in there, this board is great to vent whenever you feel frustrated.
I know how you're feeling - believe me. You came to the right place. My SO and I are coming up on 2 years in October. I am doing the same thing..not mentioning the "M" word. We have discussed living together (at my house) and he talks in terms of future and we. But, it is frustrating not knowing if/for sure/when they'll propose. At the same time, I want it to be a surprise. I like the way you listed the milestones in your relationship. Just for the fun of it, I want to list ours:
1 - met each other's families - adored by all.
2 - also survived all the seasons ( I loved this one ). Been together 1 year and 8 months.
3 - been on vacation together and planning a second vacation
4 - he buys "stuff" for my house for long term use - does all my yard work
5 - WE LOVE each other
So - shoot!! I'm ready for the engagement. Would like to get married next year. But this girl could definitely stand a ring!!!
I hope hope hope you get yours soon. Best of luck.
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Hi all,
I am a 26 year old (female) from London UK. Having lurked (i think that's what you call it!) on the site for a few months I feel now is the time to share my story and vent my frustration for waiting!!
Over the years I've "googled" for relationship advice and have read many stories on various relationship websites which have all helped me in times of crisis.
I have been the girl who was in a long term relationship ( with him for 5 years- we were young and grew apart) I have been the girl who was cheated on (the high school sweetheart reunited, who turned out to be an a$$hole) and I have been the girl who has dated a-plenty to find someone special!... So you can't claim that I haven't had my share of experience.
I write now as an older, dare I say it -more mature- woman who is in a very happy, loving relationship with someone who I have for the first time in my life felt a desire for more.... a long term future.... marriage and children. If I'm honest I felt this way from about 6 months in, but knew asking for him to feel the same was too soon. I also felt like there were relationship milestones we needed to reach before I could reasonable expect him to feel the same, to name a few I felt that we should have:
- Shared a year together, enjoying all the seasons without any pressure
- Met each others families
- had a row that could make or break us and worked through it.
- Met each others friends, been on holiday and have been to a wedding together.
- Lived together.
We have now done all these things and I now feel so so ready to get to the next stage and get married. The marriage thing for me is not about the ring or about the day, I just long to be Mrs waitingweddingBe. The pride of being his wife, the pride of showing to the world that the relationship we have isn't just for show, its so real and so full of love....
But then here is the crushing part.... Mr. WWB (who is 29) doesn't seem in any hurry whatsoever. I avoid any wedding pressure as I can so see how this kills the romance but every few months or so I cave in and have to see "where he stands" on the whole thing.
His response ranges from "Its the money" (we are saving for a house at the moment) to "We've only been together for 2 years"- (2 years this month)... which irrates me so much since I measure a relationship by the way its grown rather than the amount of time you've been together! What difference will another 2 years wait do for us, I don't understand!!
Every now and then he says something promising like "when we get married" and "a ring isn't a million miles away" but generally he does't verbalise his feelings but we always joke about our kids and when we get old so I'm under no illusion that he's thinking long term but the wait is what's bugging me here!
I'm a traditional person so I won't dare ask him to marry me and I want to be married before I have children and when people ask why I'm so "desprate" to get married I sometimes find it hard to justify without sounding like I'm being unreasonable!
The bottom line is I love him and going to the next step just feels so right and even though I don't have any specific questions to ask you fellow waiting bees, keeping it all locked up is driving me crazy so I've decided to share!! Thanks for reading this far if you have!...
WWB