- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
I am sure you all have heard the trying sister-in-law stories. I have one of my own. I tried searching the boards before I made my own post, but nothing quite fit my dilemma.
In a nutshell, I have a half-brother I’ve been incredibly close to my entire life. He’s thirteen years older than me, but we’ve always had a great relationship. About ten years ago, he got married. I was in his wedding, and became really close his wife. We were very, very close for a long time (sister I never had, type of relationship.) They have since moved out of state and have three young children..
Since moving, My relationship with my sister-in-law has gone extremely downhill. I believe in parenting the way you want, it’s none of my business – but everything is 100% about her children, no if’s and’s, or but’s, to an extreme.. I was asked by my nephew why I am going to hell and why I don’t believe in God because he was scared that he wouldn’t see me in heaven, when asked who told him that, he said his mother.. Regardless of my religious beliefs or any beliefs of anyone else’s – you don’t tell children that when you know it isn’t true, as it’s only going to terrify them… When confronted, she didn’t deny saying it but would give no explanation as to why it was said and how it was brought up.. I feel like she’s putting negative views about me in their heads, for a reason I don’t understand, at all.
When I announced that we were engaged, the first words out of her mouth were that the kids said they wanted to be in the wedding. She had them ask me in such a way that seemed as if she had already told them they were going to be in it. I haven’t mentioned anything of the sort to her (or them), and never heard any type of congratulations.. just about the kids.. I don’t think it would be a big deal to the kids if I just explained to them that they can come to the wedding, but we’re not having any little one’s in it, my SIL is the one I who would be offended..
I have tried to treat her differently and adjust to the changes, but she is just so deep into parenting and “her” family that she really seems blind to the way she treats everyone else.. After a couple of years of trying different tactics, I’ve decided that best idea is to just be civil and love my brother’s kids as much as I can from where I am in their lives – I refuse to sacrifice my relationship with them because I can’t get along with their mom..
I am terrified that if I make her mad, she will try to push my brother farther away from me… I know that if such a thing happened, it would be my brother who chooses to become distant, not her. But I don’t want to put him in that situation either. I am not trying to dog her, but it seriously seems as if she’s developed two separate personalities in the past ten years… I am totally at a loss on how to handle the situation without seriously hurting the relationship between myself and my brother. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have such a hard time telling her no. I know I don’t want any children in the wedding, period.. I am just not sure how to tell her that in a nice way, but sternly.