Newly engaged and announcing to loved ones

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

happybunny177: We had been dating that long and we kinda got the same thing– my FI said (which makes sense) that people are really just expecting you to get married so its not a shock and awe type thing.

With that said- once we sent out the Save the Dates people really got interested and started congratulating us. Give it a bit

Post # 3
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My FI and I had been dating for 7 years and our families were expecting it so although they were happy for us, they were also like “It’s about time!” If you’ve been together a long time the engagement aspect feels more like the next step and not a big deal is made about it.

Post # 4
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

This is going to sound weird…but getting engaged involved a lot of disappointment. We expected certain types of reactions, certain excitement, and it just wasn’t there. Even from our closest loved ones, though they love us both and fully support our marriage. There was a lot of heartache at first and at certain points it still hurts. But no one will be as excited about your engagement as you and your FI and that’s okay. This is such a huge part of your life, it’s so new and fresh and happy, but others still have mortgage payments and medical bills and retirement plans to worry about and unfortunately it can be difficult to pull yourself from that fog and be happy for others. I’ve learned to cling to the few people who have been enthusiastic and share the joy with those people. And of course, me and my FI share the joy more than anyone around us.

I also noticed a lot more excitement when invitations went out for our engagement party. When there’s something people can participate in, or something they can hold that lets them know this is real, some attitudes will change. If your parents or FIL’s don’t seem as excited, try involving them in the planning process in little ways and see if it helps. Even if it doesn’t, you get to marry your SO! Don’t let others get you down. Of course they can’t feel the brilliant warmth of knowing you get to spend the rest of your life with the person you love. 

Post # 5
322 posts
Helper bee

I told my mom and she said “That’s great, but Mad Men is on so I’ve got to run.” I can laugh about it now, but at the time I cried. I think being engaged has kind of been built up to be this over the top thing. You expect that everyone will be excited, and they aren’t always, but that is just real life. If you didn’t have amazingly supportive family before, it won’t change because you’re engaged. I also think how long you’ve been dating may be playing a role, because people take for granted that you’ll just get engaged at that point. You have to make your own excitement then! Invite friends who really will love to celebrate you for a little engagement party, try to find that thing you love about wedding planning and focus on that for awhile, or enjoy picking out wedding rings. Don’t let their reactions get you down. You can make this an awesome time and people will likely come around and start congratulating you.

Post # 6
502 posts
Busy bee

Half the joy in engagement is because we expect others to get really excited. Fact is, an engagement barely changes the lives of those around us and most people will definitely be happy for you, but not in an over the top way. If people aren’t sentimental normally, an engagement will not change that.

Also it’s possible people aren’t big fans of your relationship to begin with. Unlikely, but a shot.

Post # 7
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

happybunny177:  I am honestly right there with you! I got engaged about two weeks ago, and there has been no fanfare whatsoever. While I was not expecting much, I couldn’t even get my own brother to call me back so I could tell him the news! I almost started a thread with this topic last week because I was so sad about it for a few days. I haven’t gotten to the point where people are excited yet, but I think PPs are onto something with guests being more excited once the festivites start, and also recognizing that some people are just not sentimental. Hugs and congrats, though!

chickspartan:  Thank you so much for this reply! I know you meant it for the OP, but it was very helpful for me, too.

Post # 8
1313 posts
Bumble bee

Well, I’ve lways been private and I don’t even know how to face book, so that wasn’t even an option. I’m also older, I think, than the demo on here and a widow. Add that to the fact that I’m a lottery winner –those few who ARE my friends were concerned that he was “after my money” initially because it happened rather fast.  But he said he would sign a pre nup getting nothing {which I said NO to}. It’s for keeps.

Gradually,my friends are getting happy for us. his friends were happy from the beginning.  My boys ARE thrilled.

Post # 9
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Dreams Las Mareas - Costa Rica

ok so im not alone… The best reactions I got were from my co worker friends… they are THE best! 


Post # 10
2501 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

happybunny177:  well when we got engaged it was right before 2  of my siblings wedding ( I got engaged June, my sister got married Aug, my brother got married sept)

Since my engagement was right in the middle of shower/wedding madness all anyone said was ” omg ANOTHER boxerlover family wedding?” 

The first thing my grandmother said was ” Please don’t get married this year!”

People are happy for you! But everyone has different ways of expressing it. Don’t get too hung up on it, they don’t even really have a date to celebrate yet. You will see people getting more excited as it gets closer. 

Post # 11
322 posts
Helper bee

bkprettygirl:  Same boat. My coworkers were all about the engagement. And I’m thrilled they were because their excitement is contagious.

Post # 13
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Chiming in to add that this has been my experience as well. My family is very excited, but some of my closest friends seem like they couldn’t care less about it! It’s hard to not get hurt by those reactions, especially when they don’t meet your expectations of how they should react.

And then there are the people who are SO excited and supportive, even if they aren’t the closest friends. I just talk to them about wedding planning and try not to take anything personally 🙂

Post # 14
314 posts
Helper bee

We aren’t engaged yet, but we have started ring shopping.  I was worried about this very thing, so I decided to let my mom in on the fact that we are ring shopping so I could get her reaction over with.  She was definitely not excited.  She was more of the Well, if that is what you want then go for it type.  It would have been different if it were a concerned ‘Is this what you want?’ but it wasn’t.  I know my parents though when you tell them good news you’d think you are telling them someone died, so I wanted to already have that reaction so when i do tell them we are engaged it won’t sting as much. 


I also told my closest friends we are ring shopping and one is SOOO excited for us and the other is so completely not excited.  She said “wow, he should really stop toying with your emotions.”  I’m not sure if she thought he really wouldn’t take me ring shopping or what, but I was definitely caught off guard by that statement. 

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