- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
So I’m new here, but I’ve done enough lurking to see how awesome of a community this place is, and I’m looking for a bit of advice. Sorry if this is a ridiculously long post! =/
My fiancé and I got engaged at the beginning of this past December. Knowing how incredibly shy and nervous I can get in public, he proposed in the comfort of our apartment, after a night filled with classic Disney movies, hot chocolate, and our sweet purring kittens. It was absolutely perfect, and not having to worry about being the center of attention (which I’ve never enjoyed,) took a lot of pressure off of me.
We decided that we’d start telling our friends and family around Christmas, and that we’d announce it to everyone else (in other words, putting it on facebook =P) after the New Year. My family lives on the opposite side of the country in Virginia, so we couldn’t really make a big deal out of it even if we wanted to. My family’s reaction to the news was exactly what I expected: lots of congratulations, a bit of squeeing about my ring, and just an overall sense of happiness. My family has never made a huge deal out of any engagement/wedding, but I could tell that they really were excited and happy for us. To them, the ring and the ceremony aren’t nearly as big of a deal as simply agreeing to be with one another for the rest of our lives, and we’ve of course already done that.
Things with my fiancé’s family were a bit different. We spent our Christmas up with his family in Napa, and the whole drive up there I was incredibly nervous about how they’d react. His family is far more intense than mine is, and I knew that Christmas eve was going to be spent with about 45 members of his extended family, almost all of which I’d never met before. I almost didn’t even want to say anything about it at all to them until after the holidays, but the fiancé convinced me it’d be fine. We told just his parents and siblings first, and they of course congratulated us…. But that was about it. There wasn’t much talk about it, there wasn’t any hugging, no questions about what our plans were. Part of me was SOOO glad that they didn’t make a big deal out of it, but of course there was another tiny part of me that was worried that they just… really weren’t all that happy about it. Regardless, I wasn’t bothered too much by it. His family has always been rather quiet, so I tried not to overthink it.
On Christmas eve, things got kind of bad. At the huge party, someone (we’re not exactly sure who) started telling all the extended family members before we even had a chance to say anything to anyone. Within 15 minutes, we were surrounded by people. There was a lot of questioning and accusations as to why we hadn’t made an official announcement yet, and why I hadn’t been “properly” introduced to everyone first. Everyone who I hadn’t met yet was asking me a BAZILLION questions, both about wedding plans and just general “who the heck are you and why are you engaged to my nephew/cousin/grandson/etc.” There wasn’t a single congratulations from anyone, just a lot of confusion and curiosity, and probing questions. When we finally left, I sobbed in the car the whole 45 minute ride home.
I know I’m probably overreacting, but the whole experience was just so traumatizing to me. Throughout our whole relationship, I’ve always felt like my fiancés parents weren’t super fond of me, or in the very least, I wasn’t who they expected him to bring home. He’s an incredibly intelligent engineer, and I’m an artist. We also have a somewhat significant age gap (I’m almost 20, and he just turned 27.) They’ve always seemed to be a bit confused by such paring, but they’ve been nothing but kind to me. Should I be worried about how they responded to what would normally be considered happy news? And the experience at the party…. Is that what I should of expected in the first place? I mean, they didn’t know me, and suddenly I’m marrying into their family. I guess I just feel a little hurt that no one seemed genuinely happy for either of us.
I guess what I’m really just hoping for is that you guys can give me a little insight or advice as to how I should handle this, and as to whether or not my feelings are justified or if I’m just freaking out over nothing(because I’m rather prone to that.) We haven’t been back to visit since all of this happened, but his sisters birthday is coming up, and I’m worried that I won’t know how to handle another situation like the last. Any help would be greatly appreciated.