Newly Engaged but Soon to be Estranged?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?!
    Stay Catholic. Traditions should not be broken. : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Leave the Church. This is YOUR journey with God. : (63 votes)
    95 %
    Reconsider the engagement??? : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    122 posts
    Blushing bee

    You are an adult. You can’t try and please everyone. When you accepted that proposal, you are now with your FI- not with your father. I’m sorry and please don’t take this offensively but your dad is being a completely asshole and being very controlling. He should respect your beliefs, morals, and decisions as an adult. That is so not right. I hope you have the courage to stick up to him. If he doesn’t go to your wedding over this, that shows a lot of his own character. He will regret it someday.

    Post # 3
    Member
    122 posts
    Blushing bee

    Also- you say that your wedding isn’t until 2016. There is a BIG chance your dad will calm down and come around by then. I’m sorry you’re going through this!

    Post # 4
    Member
    6849 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Emotionalrose:  it’s so sad that your dad is being like this. I can understand, I guess, that he feels strongly about this, but you are a grown up starting her own family life. Honestly if you can’t stand up to your dad long term, your only choice is to marry a catholic. only you can decide how important his approval is.

    Post # 5
    Member
    829 posts
    Busy bee

    God is in your heart and wherever you go, you don’t have to go to church in order to believe. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    951 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015 - City Hall!

    I’m so sorry this is happening to you. But at the end of the day your walk with god is just that. yours. no one elses. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    3136 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Your dad is being ridiculous. As a christian myself, it is not christian to shun your daughter. God would not condone that behaviour. I suggest you write your dad a letter expressing your grief at his actions. Explain to him that you will not sacrifice your future with the love of your life but that it is extremely devestating that he wants to cut you out of his life simply because you have found your soul mate and your religious views differ now. In writing you get it all down, every thought, every feeling and after that, see where he lies. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Emotionalrose:  

    Do not allow your parents to control you with religion. You are an adult who is capable of making your own decisions about your religious beliefs. When controlling parents use estrangement threats to get their way, the best thing to do is call their bluff so that they know that manipulation will not be tolerated.

    I am a Daddy’s Girl too and it killed me that he wasn’t there to walk me to my husband when we eloped. However, I had to do what was right for my husband and I. My mother was just being too ornery and insulting for us to have her there when we married.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2406 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I agree with PP saying that this is your walk with God, not your dad, not your mom, not your FI.

    I know this is very hard and scary to go through. My mother went through the exact same thing as you did. Although she had accepted Christ prior to their wedding, her mother did not find out until after the wedding. She also acted how your dad did.

    My point is, no one should dictate your faith in God. You alone are  in charge of your spiritual life. Please don’t shy away from God because of this experience. He knows what the future holds and He has good things in store for you. Trust in Him to work in the lives of your family and everyone else involved. I hope everything works out!!

    Post # 10
    Member
    5685 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    You are perfectly free to choose whichever religion best fits your life. But your father is also perfectly free to choose to distance himself from you based on his strict religious values. This doesn’t make him an asshole and the first step to helping him accept your views and beliefs is to accept his. You may not agree with his views but he’s no more required to change his views to suit you than you are required to change yours for him. You may want to speak to a third party, someone religious but with no stake I’m what religion you ultimately follow; someone like a priest at a different parish or a rabbi, who has probably helped other families learn how to live in harmony whilst following different faiths.

    Post # 11
    Member
    6334 posts
    Bee Keeper

    You have to decide for yourself how to approach your religion. It’s not your dad’s place to choose that for you, and it’s incredibly unfair for him to give you that kind of ultimatum. Hopefully, he will calm down with time. You are starting a new life with your FI, so you will have to figure out how your religious beliefs will mix. From what I’ve heard, Catholics marrying Protestants is a relatively common thing as long as you respect each other, and maybe talking with your priest or others in interfaith relationships may help.

    Post # 12
    Member
    609 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    You need to make this decision yourself. You and your fiance are both believers in God and Christ, and this the very doctrine of any christian religion, so this should be the essence of what your family is believing in. At the very least, your father should be glad that you’re marrying a christian, right? I’d give it time, two years to go, and you’ve just spring this on them recently. Give them time to get to know your fiance for who he is as a person. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    656 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

     

    Emotionalrose:  Have you looked into the Episcopal Church? My Grandmother was Russian Orthadox and Grandfater was Baptist. Episcopal is pretty middle of the road. I was raised Episcopal but spent more time in a catholic church simply because my best friend is Catholic. My FI was raised DEVOUT Baptist and he loves the Episcopal Church.

    Your family needs to understand that they are not behaving in a christian manner. That sort of attitude is unacceptable. Definitely set some rules. You are adults. This decision is not theirs.

    Post # 14
    Hostess
    2779 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Emotionalrose:  Catholic, Baptist, Penecostal, Othodox….it’s all Christian to me. In a sense, people like to separate tradition too much and never focus on what the foundation of the belief is…Jesus. I think you dad does need to reevaluate his heart, does he follow Jesus or tradition? As for you, as christian,  I say follow Jesus, because that is the most important. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    851 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Emotionalrose:  I am so sorry this is happening to you. Your parents are acting so childish and ridiculous! You are an adult and should be entitled to make your own choices. Do not let them bully you into doing what they want you to do. Instead, focus on your life that you are building with your fiance. They are completely in the wrong here and hopefully they will come around. You will not truly be happy if you let them bully you into their way of thinking. I wish you luck and hope that this all works out for you!

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