Post # 1
Hi I this is my first time posting, and I’m doing it engaged!! I am the happiest woman on earth right now. But I’m also feel very guilty for not liking my ring. I need you guys help on what to do. Some background: I am 37 my fiance just turned 40. We have been dating 1 1/2 in a LDR. We see each other often as he works for airlines. We talked about marriage early in the relationship. He is a awesome man, who loves me and my 4 year daughter(not his biological child). I knew he was getting close,to proposing over the last couple months. We actually after his urging went and looked at rings a couple months ago. He said I want to know what you like and get your ring size. We looked at a couple of retail jewelry stores. Which I figured we would because as much as I would’ve like. I didn’t see him going to custom jeweler route. So here is where the disappointment begins. I showed him about 5- rings total. That I liked pricepoints varying from $6k-$4k. We put them order ranking 1,2,3 …. I only specified no matter which you pick. At least 1 carat(good quality),white gold,and princess cut! This I didn’t think was at as unreasonable since, I know for a fact his salary is in the mid six figures! We he proposed Friday night! It was special,and I was shocked and elated!! But I was totally expecting to see a ring that I had put on my list. It was not! It is less than 1/2 carat, white gold, round stone ring with a thin band. Its small and dainty and something I never wouldve picked! Its not my style nor does it look like anything I put on the list. I am so turn about this. Should I be or am I selfish, and materialist?! Why would we go ring shopping, if he didn’t plan on getting something I picked or close to it. I wanted a nice ring, that would be proud to wear. So why would he have me look at rings,show him what I like to get nothing close to that. Not to mention cheaper than my taste, and cheaper than I know he can afford. He keeps asking me do I like it,and I smile and say I love it. But I don’t, and I am ashamed to show people. Because everyone who knows expected that it would be nicer! I feel horrible for feeling this way,and I hope you all know that I am not selfish or materialist. He thinks I love the ring. WWYD?
Post # 3
I’m sorry you didn’t get what you were hoping for. It’s understandable that you are disappointed considering you had given him choices.
I wouldn’t say a word to him and wear it with pride. Maybe he is the type that wanted to make the decision all by himself and that’s why he went against the grain. If you were to say something it could really hurt him or come off as entitled.
Post # 4
I’ve noticed most jewelry stores pressure men in buying solitaire similar to what you described. My Fiance went in knowing what he wanted and was still pressured into looking at something we both hated. Is there a way you can use your diamond into a new setting you would love? I think you need to wait a little before doing anything. Don’t swoon over it in front of him. I would tell him you like it but not much more. Can we see a picture maybe.
Post # 5
I understand why you’re upset if you honestly thought that you were getting one thing and got another. But I think it is unfair to him that you are “not proud to wear it”. I don’t care what my ring looks like, my FI could have given me a ring pop and I would have worn it as proud as I do my diamond. I know you’ll hear this alot, but it is the thought of the ring that really matters, not the ring itself. You are marrying the man you love, you are not marrying your ring. The ring is just a means to an end, it does not make your relationship.
With that being said, if you really hate it and you really think that it isn’t good enough for you, then just tell him. Yea, he is going to be hurt. Yea, he will probably get angry but it is up to you to decide if him being hurt and upset is okay with you, as long as your get the ring you want.
Post # 6
I think if he keeps asking you if you love it chances are he can tell you don’t. I wold tell him the truth, maybe there is still time to change it out, if you wait he might get upset at you for not telling him sooner.
Post # 7
You shouldn’t feel guilty for being disappointed, any girl would in your position! However, I would let it be for now. A bigger diamond with a different cut would make you much happier for awhile, but then you may start to feel even more guilty about bringing it up as the novelty of having a nicer ring wears off a bit.
If I was you, I’d wait for your one year anniversary..then hint (or blantantly tell him) that you’d like an upgrade as your anniversary gift 🙂
Plus, the ring you have now gives you the opportunity to get a ridiculously amazing wedding band..or perhaps two?? 😉
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I wanted to check the first option, but I can’t because I don’t think you should phrase it as wanting a “better ring.” I think the emphasis is on a ring that is more you, which means a different shape… and, well… bigger.
Post # 9
I agree. I wouldnt tell him you hated it but next time he asks if you like it maybe say something like “I would love anything you choose because it means we’re going to get to start our lives together but surprised that you went in a direction that was so different than what we looked at together” and see if that spurs an explanation that you can accept, or maybe heintended it to be a placeholder and is now surprised that you’re gushing about it and you’re both confused about what’s going on.
Otherwise you said you showed him rings that were 6k-2k. Maybe prices are different in your area here there’s no way you’d be getting a good quality 1karat besides maybe a very simple solitaire here for even the top of that budget. So maybe your The price range and the products available didn’t match up if you weren’t educated on jewelery yourself?
Post # 10
>@arielle- I know it sounds bad. I get that you cant always get what you want. I also think he did probably want to make the decision and that’s why I thought we ring whopped that day so that he t would have options and pick from that. This was s far left field! I’m confused.
Post # 11
If your FI had not taken you ring shopping, and if he had not asked you what you wanted, and if you had not given him five suggested options, and if you had not told him your specs ahead of time, and if he had not failed to redirect you if he felt that what you wanted was too far removed from what he wanted for you or from what could afford, I would probably not be saying this. However, because all of those things ARE true, I would suggest that you talk with him — politely, sweetly, kindly, but honestly — about what is bothering you. The main issue here is what appears to either be a huge lack of clear communication between the two of you, OR a situation in which your FI deliberately sought your input in great detail and then, for whatever reason, chose to completely discard it. Either of those two options seems to merit your having a conversation.
I wish you the best.
Post # 12
I would just tell him the truth- that you’re hurt that he didn’t consider your opinions about something you have to wear for the rest of your life. I would leave out the part about it being “not good enough”.Maybe you can work together to reach a compromise solution- that’s what marriage is all about, after all.
Post # 13
@SapphireSun: <—- I agree with this… perfectly said.
Post # 14
you can always say something like “it’s different than what I was expecting” and let the conversation flow.
Post # 15
@naturalysam-I wish I felt he got pressured. But I doubt his very assertive,and would not have bee from n swayed to this from what I put on the list. Picture coming soon.
Post # 16
Maybe this is going to go against the grain, but I think you should mention it to him. While the ring isn’t the most important thing, you deserve to be able to truely gush over it. And the only reason I say this is because I don’t think you necessarily need/want a more an expensive ring, and I think you are coming from a good place. It’s obvious that you love him, and know the ring is just a material thing.
A lot of people preach communication and honesty in marriage, yet become hypocritical when it has to do with things like this. For better or worse is just that, sure he may be disapointed at first but I’m sure he will understand!!!