Newly engaged – postpone wedding?

posted 6 days ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I would wait! I’d wait til 2020 if it meant my wedding was paid for! It’s so expensive and that way you two can always go on an amazing honeymoon 🙂 and if you want to get married soon you can always go to the courthouse if that’s your style and then have a big wedding later 

Post # 4
Member
4145 posts
Honey bee

sloanetaylor :  Now this may be controversial (and this is based on me and my own parents and the type of conversation that would not be rude to have) but… could you maybe say…. “FI and I are so excited to be taking this step and don’t wish to wait, we appriciate your amazing offer but we would like to get married sooner, prehaps, come 2019 you would be able to help us out in a different way ? (i,e house or paying student loans). Like I said, some may think that is rude but maybe it may be a way round it. It is amazing they want to help you, but I am sure they would be understanding of you not wanting to wait.

Post # 5
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

sloanetaylor :  I wouldn’t wait. There’s always a thread on here where someone’s parent has got into financial probelms or hasn’t liked the way the wedding is going and has had to take back their gift. They’re business is doing better than they expected but that’s still two years in which a lot of things can go wrong and things can change. By holding off on your wedding you are potentially going to build up resentment if for whatever reason the parents are no longer able to contribute.

Plan the wedding you can afford when you want it. Yes starting married life debt free is a wonderful position to be in but it might not be practical to wait. If you’re ready now (well next year), then go next year and say I do, it’ll be magical whatever you can afford.

Post # 6
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Are you 1000% sure that their business will actually be doing so well by 2019?  If it is a definite, I would for sure wait another year to have a free wedding! 🙂

Post # 7
Member
40 posts
Newbee

I wouldn’t wait, just have the wedding you can afford next year. Too many things can happen between now and 2019 and in my opinion you’re better to not risk it.  How certain can they be that the business would do better? Would you have the money when you needed to start booking things? Or would you two pay the deposits and then have the rest of the money by the wedding date? What level of input would they expect in the planning since they would be paying?

Post # 8
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I personally would not wait. When FI and I first got engaged we sat down with his parents and they wrote a list of things they would contribute to the wedding. They have now gone back on their word on some of the things, and instead of bringing it up to them FI and I are just going to pay for it instead to avoid any awkward conversations. It’s annoying, but I still appreciate that they are helping a little, just wish they wouldn’t have come up with a list if they weren’t going to follow through. 

 

Post # 9
Member
0 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2017

MsBeer :  Totally agree!  That’s exactly what I was thinking.  Get married now and by then you’ll be ready to purchase a home!  They could help with a down payment.  As long as you’re both close with the parents, and you say it in a sweet and cute way as a suggestion and not a demand…I don’t think it’s rude at all.

Post # 10
Member
0 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2017

zwimmerz :  Also very true!  People change their minds all the time.  Relationships change.  Or the financial projection could be wrong and then you waited for nothing!

Post # 11
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

sloanetaylor :  Oh goodness! Congratulations to you, two bride weddings are the BEST – I just proposed to my girlfriend in February! My fiancee and I are facing a similar-ish situation – I graduate with my MBA May 2018, so we wanted to get married after that to save money. HOWEVER, we go back and forth on waiting that long due to the uncertain political climate (not sure where you live, but in the US this is certainly a concern for us 🙁 ). In your situation, I would likely have a small ceremony and dinner with close friends and family, and then have a giant reception in 2019! Also – while I hope the best for your fiancee and her parents, there is no guarantee that the business will make more money at the end of 2018. It would be awful to wait and then end up paying for it anyway. 

Good luck to you! Keep us updated!

 

 

Post # 12
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I personally wouldn’t wait, as many bees have said before me. If I were you, I would go ahead with the wedding next year and just have your (and your partners) parents contribute what they can afford at the time. Like many have pointed out, its too risky relying on your future in laws business to be doing well enough for you to get your ‘free wedding’ although it would be pretty amazing. And like someone has said before me, perhaps you could ask if they wanted to contribute in another form once you are married and if their business is doing well. Their daughter will always be their daughter and so I am sure they will be happy to help in the future for your other needs if any arise. 

Post # 13
Member
542 posts
Busy bee

MsBeer :  I think I’d tend toward this sort of compromise, too. You shouldn’t put off your own plans/happiness on the off-chance they’ll be doing better financially. But if they ARE, they can help out in whatever financial way they want, if they still want to. It would be MORE meaningful to me to be helped out with contributions to a downpayment on a home or with student loans, actually. 

Post # 15
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

I would be patient and wait! Set yourselves up for your future life by paying of your loans and accepting her parents’ offer. It seems like they really do want to and that it would be meaningful for them to, so that’s what I would do.

The only trouble is that there isn’t a guarantee that they will be able to come up with that much, so just keep that in mind. Do tell them as well that they are by no means obligated to come up with the whole amount, and continue to save yourself just in case. 

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