(Closed) Newly Engaged Sister Drama – What to do?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What would you do?
    Suck it up and avoid the drama; be a bridesmaid and let Addie be the flowergirl. : (18 votes)
    22 %
    Avoid the drama, but beg out of the wedding party with an excuse about being too busy. : (45 votes)
    55 %
    Demand an apology before agreeing to be involved in the wedding. : (16 votes)
    20 %
    Tell her off and don't go to the wedding at all. : (3 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3176 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Before you address anything regarding her wedding the two of you need to talk, plain and simple. I think a dicussion needs to happen over what occurred when your daughter was born. Personally I wouldnt want to end a relationship with a family member over one incident, regardless of what happened, I think you should talk this out unless you feel you will never want her in your life.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I would just say, Congratulations and thank you for asking me to be your BM and DD to be your Flower Girl.  We will have to talk it over with DH and see if that is what is best for our family. 

     

    I would then come back with some other excuse (money etc) as to why you can’t participate. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Just be honest.  Let her know that what she did has effected the way you view your relationship with her and you aren’t comforatble supporting her in that way.  That you’d love to attend the wedding, but having you and your daughter be a part of her day in that capacity just isn’t the right thing for you and your family.

    No need to be mean or demand anything.  If she apologizes, which she should, then you can go from there and see how you feel about it.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    June has some good advice as well.  What is the past history of you and your sister.  Is this common behavior?  If so, it sounds like it would be a stressful wedding. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @caszos: I disagree, making up an excuse is not the right thing to do.  Honesty is always the best policy as cliche as it sounds.

    Lying to your sister is stooping to her level, IMO.

    Post # 8
    Member
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    If you don’t want to be in the wedding, tell her you don’t want to be in it.  Nobody can demand that you be in the wedding. 

    Don’t make any excuses like you can’t afford it because she’ll probably offer to pay for your dresses and won’t leave you any “outs”.  Simply tell her that you’d rather enjoy her wedding as an observer rather than a participant. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Agree with others, an excuse is a terrible idea.. it’ll just dig you into a deeper hole. I think it’s totally fair to speak the vulnerable truth – that you were hurt by her actions, and you don’t feel right being in her wedding party, but you still want to be there for her and rebuild your relationship. You can’t go wrong with the truth..

    Post # 10
    Member
    5978 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I think the two of you need to talk, and very soon. I know you tried to reach out to her when everything happened initially, but she was clearly hurt and angry at your reaction to your nephew’s cold. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and you boycotting being a bridesmaid in her wedding isn’t going to fix things. I know you’re upset with her for not meeting your daughter in 6 months, but she did make an effort. And while I understand your reaction (I would protect my baby as well), texting her about it wasn’t the best way of communicating how you felt. So, while I think she’s in the wrong for not meeting your daughter in 6 months, I don’t think you’re fully blameless in the situation either.

    Try to give her a call and see if she’ll talk about it. Apologize for not wanting your nephew near your daughter, but let her know that you were looking out for her best interest. Hopefully offering the olive branch will get her to apologize for the way she reacted to the situation…which was very poorly.

    I hope things end up working out!

    Post # 11
    Member
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I would tread very, very lightly.

    From her perspective, you saying no will probably seem like yet another rejection of her family by yours and trigger the same sort of reaction.

    It may be that you shouldn’t be in the bridal party, but I would talk to her (in person – no phone or text), to hash out your feelings around the subject before making a decision.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3709 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I think that before you decide anything, you should talk to her. Six months is a long time to go without talking to a sibling…even if you had a fight. Maybe inviting you to be in the wedding party (demanding might be a better word) is a way for her to break the ice. This could be an opportunity for your daughter to get to know her aunt and vice versa.

    Post # 14
    Member
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I remember this story!  I remember thinking she was totally crazy and over-reactive.

    I would e-mail her and ask for an apology for what she did six months ago.  Explain how much it hurt, and that it really changed how you view your relationship with her.  If she apologizes, I think you should just accept and be her MOH.  I think you could say you’re honored that she wants Addie to be the FG, but is there any other little girl she could ask instead?  If she doesn’t apologize, then I would decline.  Attend the wedding, yes (because you may reconcile in ten years and it would be sad to miss the wedding completely).  But not as her MOH.

    I think it’s Drama Queen BS that she’s suddenly asking you to support her when she actively DIDN’T support you.  And it seems like she’s setting you up to look like the bad guy.  Be prepared for another immature FB attack.

    Post # 15
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    yewwwwwww the drama llama is in your home!!!!

    I think a chat’s in order. Let her know you want to talk about what happened 6 months. If she gets irrational, just tell her your relationship has changed and you would prefer to be a guest.

    BUT, i also think she could be trying to move past the incident (as awkwardly and poorly as she’s doing it) by telling you you’re going to be her MOH and Addie will be her flowergirl. Like it’s all forgotten. Except, not so much in any rational person’s head.

    The topic ‘Newly Engaged Sister Drama – What to do?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors