I got married this past March, and my best friend was a bridesmaid. Her fiance had to dj a wedding the night of the rehearsal, so he just drove in the day of the wedding. But, my other bm's boyfriend drove in with her from Houston, and just stayed the night with all of us at my parent's house, in another room. Now, as a newlywed, I'm going to be in my best friend's wedding. She wants all the bm's to stay in her friend's uncle's house the night before, but doesn't really want my husband there. She says said one option was to ride down with a friend the night before, then have my husband drive up Saturday, and then I can just drive home with my husband. I'm a little offended at this situation. My husband is no longer the tag-along boyfriend, he's with me for good. We're legally and religioulsy beyond the whole view that sharing a room co-ed could possibly be seen as immoral (from everyone's conservatively religious views). Now, what should I do? I'm in the wedding, and would like to spend time with her the night before. But I'm not going to hang my husband out to dry by making him drive up on Saturday (around 3 hours), or shoving him into a hotel room alone for the night. To me, my two choices are:
*Broach the subject with my friend to see if my husband can stay at the house, but just hang out in the room while we have "girl time"
*Or forego the bm fun and get a room with my husband
*Husband offered his own solution: he just doesn't come. She's made it obvious that really he'll be in the way in any case.
So what do you think I should do? What should I say to her? Help, I Need advice! She's calling me this afternoon to see if he'll be going to the rehearsal dinner (but only if he stays the night)
Seriuosly it's one night without your husband. You should either have him drive up on Sat. or get a hotel room/stay with a friend. Its your friends last night as a single girl it sounds she needs you to be there for her.
Her request for a girls-only doesn't sound bad to me....so, if it were me, personally, I'd hang w/ her for the girls' night and let my husband decide whether he'd rather stay in a hotel or drive in the next day.
I don't think it's a big deal to be without him for one night. It sounds like she just wants a girls night on the night before the wedding. I was considering doing the same thing.
What would you prefer to do, if you can't have both? I don't think your friend is being particularly rude, but in the end, it doesn't matter- you still have to choose =)
I don't think it's fair to make your husband choose. See how much he cares about going/staying alone/etc, but the end decision should be yours. If you make him pick, he might feel pressured and worry that you'll resent him for his choice (I would!).
Would you rather have your husband with you that night and at the wedding, or would you rather spend time with your friend? I don't think either choice is better than the other- there are arguments for and against both. Here's how I see it:
Spend the night with friend + girls:
PRO: you'll have a good time with friends, it's her last night as a single girl
CON: husband will be stuck with long drive alone, hotel room alone, or won't come; you'll have plenty of other opportunities to hang out with your friend, no reason that should end because she's married
Stay with husband:
PRO: you'll have him with you at the wedding (will you spend much time with him, or will you be with the rest of the bridal party?), he won't have to drive alone or stay at a hotel alone
Just to clarify: The idea wasn't to get the husband to choose what Brooke86 should do....the idea was to let the husband choose what _he_ will do on his "night off," assuming she decides to stay w/ the girls.
I think we've reached a sort of solution. I was a bit miffed that my husband was left out of the equation (because trust me, this house is HUGE.Like, we all could have our own wing if we wanted to. The uncle will be out of town because he will be enjoying the Olympics in Beijing. As in, ticekts to watch ALL the events. ) Especially as I had my bm's significant others stay at my parent's house because it was easier/cheaper. But, I totally understood her whole girl's night thing. Which was why I was torn! Anywho, talking to my husband we came to a compromise that we'll ride down together (so no long boring drive alone) then he'll crash in a room alone that night and catch up on some sleep debt. Then we can just ride home together. So, not perfect, but he's pretty happy and I'm glad for the girl time. Thanks for all your thoughts.
I take it that the rest of the gals are single? If not, what are their husbands/SOs doing that night? Maybe the guys can all get together and have an evening of fun as well.
I think that you would have a good time with your girlfriends, but some kind of enforced singles slumber party is not that cool. If you want to spend the night that way it's fine - but you're right in that your husband is around for good now, and the number of invitations that purposely disinclude him need to be limited, and need to be something you both agree on. There's nothing wrong with camping with the girls until midnight or so, and then high-tailing it back to the hotel room to hang with your hubby. As for having him stay in the house somewhere, that's up to you both - but if I was him, I would probably get a hotel room, especially if it was so clear that I wasn't welcome.
FYI, it will be funny to see how your friend's attitude changes the next time around - once she's married.
Suzanno, I think that is a great suggestion. My (will-be) Husband and I will be flying to Florida for a friend's wedding and he will stay with her fiance while i stay with her and the ladies.
be a friend...your husband will still be there the next day!! I don't think your friend's request is rude...I'll do the same thing and my then DH doesn't have any issues with it! RESPECT her choice.
My bachelorette party was in Seattle, which is about 3 1/2 hours from where we live - and while my fiance wasn't invited along, my girlfriends absolutely didn't just say he wasn't welcome. We were both invited to stay at one friends' house (she is married, by the way) and my fiance spent the evening with her husband, and was quite happy about that. It was sort of a similar thing, in that we both had to be in Seattle the next day. Nobody would have thought (especially with gas at over $4 per gallon) of suggesting that we drive there separately, or of suggesting that he sit in a hotel room by himself. So yes, I do think Brooke86's friend is being rude - not in the idea of wanting a girls' night before the wedding, but certainly in the way in which she is failing to make any accomodation for her good friend's spouse.
I got married this past March, and my best friend was a bridesmaid. Her fiance had to dj a wedding the night of the rehearsal, so he just drove in the day of the wedding. But, my other bm's boyfriend drove in with her from Houston, and just stayed the night with all of us at my parent's house, in another room. Now, as a newlywed, I'm going to be in my best friend's wedding. She wants all the bm's to stay in her friend's uncle's house the night before, but doesn't really want my husband there. She says said one option was to ride down with a friend the night before, then have my husband drive up Saturday, and then I can just drive home with my husband. I'm a little offended at this situation. My husband is no longer the tag-along boyfriend, he's with me for good. We're legally and religioulsy beyond the whole view that sharing a room co-ed could possibly be seen as immoral (from everyone's conservatively religious views). Now, what should I do? I'm in the wedding, and would like to spend time with her the night before. But I'm not going to hang my husband out to dry by making him drive up on Saturday (around 3 hours), or shoving him into a hotel room alone for the night. To me, my two choices are:
*Broach the subject with my friend to see if my husband can stay at the house, but just hang out in the room while we have "girl time"
*Or forego the bm fun and get a room with my husband
*Husband offered his own solution: he just doesn't come. She's made it obvious that really he'll be in the way in any case.
So what do you think I should do? What should I say to her? Help, I Need advice! She's calling me this afternoon to see if he'll be going to the rehearsal dinner (but only if he stays the night)
posted by Brooke86 15 posts 4 months agoSeriuosly it's one night without your husband. You should either have him drive up on Sat. or get a hotel room/stay with a friend. Its your friends last night as a single girl it sounds she needs you to be there for her.
posted by beachbride1008 32 posts 4 months agoHer request for a girls-only doesn't sound bad to me....so, if it were me, personally, I'd hang w/ her for the girls' night and let my husband decide whether he'd rather stay in a hotel or drive in the next day.
posted by maryalison 105 posts 4 months agoI think that it would be more fun to go hang out with the other BM - it's only one night and absense makes the heart grow fonder. :)
I think maryalison's suggestion is a good one: let your husband decide what he wants to do!
posted by missbean 131 posts 4 months agoI don't think it's a big deal to be without him for one night. It sounds like she just wants a girls night on the night before the wedding. I was considering doing the same thing.
posted by livvie 88 posts 4 months agoWhat would you prefer to do, if you can't have both? I don't think your friend is being particularly rude, but in the end, it doesn't matter- you still have to choose =)
I don't think it's fair to make your husband choose. See how much he cares about going/staying alone/etc, but the end decision should be yours. If you make him pick, he might feel pressured and worry that you'll resent him for his choice (I would!).
Would you rather have your husband with you that night and at the wedding, or would you rather spend time with your friend? I don't think either choice is better than the other- there are arguments for and against both. Here's how I see it:
Spend the night with friend + girls:
PRO: you'll have a good time with friends, it's her last night as a single girl
CON: husband will be stuck with long drive alone, hotel room alone, or won't come; you'll have plenty of other opportunities to hang out with your friend, no reason that should end because she's married
Stay with husband:
PRO: you'll have him with you at the wedding (will you spend much time with him, or will you be with the rest of the bridal party?), he won't have to drive alone or stay at a hotel alone
CON: friend will probably be mad
posted by peihan17 222 posts 4 months agoJust to clarify: The idea wasn't to get the husband to choose what Brooke86 should do....the idea was to let the husband choose what _he_ will do on his "night off," assuming she decides to stay w/ the girls.
posted by maryalison 105 posts 4 months agoI think we've reached a sort of solution. I was a bit miffed that my husband was left out of the equation (because trust me, this house is HUGE.Like, we all could have our own wing if we wanted to. The uncle will be out of town because he will be enjoying the Olympics in Beijing. As in, ticekts to watch ALL the events. ) Especially as I had my bm's significant others stay at my parent's house because it was easier/cheaper. But, I totally understood her whole girl's night thing. Which was why I was torn! Anywho, talking to my husband we came to a compromise that we'll ride down together (so no long boring drive alone) then he'll crash in a room alone that night and catch up on some sleep debt. Then we can just ride home together. So, not perfect, but he's pretty happy and I'm glad for the girl time. Thanks for all your thoughts.
posted by Brooke86 15 posts 4 months agoI take it that the rest of the gals are single? If not, what are their husbands/SOs doing that night? Maybe the guys can all get together and have an evening of fun as well.
I think that you would have a good time with your girlfriends, but some kind of enforced singles slumber party is not that cool. If you want to spend the night that way it's fine - but you're right in that your husband is around for good now, and the number of invitations that purposely disinclude him need to be limited, and need to be something you both agree on. There's nothing wrong with camping with the girls until midnight or so, and then high-tailing it back to the hotel room to hang with your hubby. As for having him stay in the house somewhere, that's up to you both - but if I was him, I would probably get a hotel room, especially if it was so clear that I wasn't welcome.
FYI, it will be funny to see how your friend's attitude changes the next time around - once she's married.
posted by suzanno 1,981 posts 4 months agoSuzanno, I think that is a great suggestion. My (will-be) Husband and I will be flying to Florida for a friend's wedding and he will stay with her fiance while i stay with her and the ladies.
posted by pineapple 61 posts 4 months agobe a friend...your husband will still be there the next day!! I don't think your friend's request is rude...I'll do the same thing and my then DH doesn't have any issues with it! RESPECT her choice.
posted by V 233 posts 4 months agoMy bachelorette party was in Seattle, which is about 3 1/2 hours from where we live - and while my fiance wasn't invited along, my girlfriends absolutely didn't just say he wasn't welcome. We were both invited to stay at one friends' house (she is married, by the way) and my fiance spent the evening with her husband, and was quite happy about that. It was sort of a similar thing, in that we both had to be in Seattle the next day. Nobody would have thought (especially with gas at over $4 per gallon) of suggesting that we drive there separately, or of suggesting that he sit in a hotel room by himself. So yes, I do think Brooke86's friend is being rude - not in the idea of wanting a girls' night before the wedding, but certainly in the way in which she is failing to make any accomodation for her good friend's spouse.
posted by suzanno 1,981 posts 4 months ago