Weddingbee boards

I hope someone can give me some input, because I'm not sure what to do.

My main question is: How are your husbands when it comes to spending time together after being married?

A little background info. We've been married for about six months. We're living with my parents because we can't afford our own house yet.  I know, what some of you may say, trouble right there, but let me go on. We have our own bedroom and bathroom and my parents' basement is sort of consdered our own living room.  My parents also work A LOT, so most of the week they're not home in the evenings.  The extra factor is my 90year old grandma who also lives there, but keeps to herself and goes to bed superearly. My husband gets along with them and he actually has it easier, because I'm still treated like the child sometimes and he gets to do his own thing.

So we have quite a bit of time and space to ourselves, not perfect, but not bad.  The sad thing is though, that my hubby has no problem going out without me multiple times during the week, or sometimes even the weekend. Less than one week after the wedding, his single male friends were having a birthday dinner for some acquaintance, and he just couldn't wait to go.  We fought and he stayed home, but it sucked.  A few weeks ago I had a lot of school work (I'm doing a part-time degree), so I had to spent most of the evenings at home.  He went out on the Monday to an event we were both invited to but I couldn't make it, then he went out the next night for a steak dinner with his male colleagues. I had class that night, so that was somewhat ok, but he got home later than I did from night school.  The kicker, was the Friday night - he wanted to go to a movie night organized by his male and female colleagues, where spouses were not not welcome.  His work often does this - organizes events where the significant others are not invited.  This was also the case a couple of times before the wedding, where they went to a restaurant after work and stayed out until 11pm. Also, one week before the wedding, where he went to a work party and spent the night there because he was too inebriated to come home. The women supposedly went home. I almost called off the wedding because of it, but he apologized and cried, and so we married. Next week, he's going to a baby shower for one of the girls at his work, on a Sunday afternoon.  All the women from his work are going, and a few of the guys who are friends with the pregnant girl, again without spouses, to keep male company to the husband organizing the shower.  When I question him about his going out he said at one point, that I often object to his going out (before the wedding he went out A LOT in the evenings with his male friends, so I do frown about most of these "guy" outings) and  that he sometimes feels like he's in prison.  As for the work thing "it's no big deal, you're such a drama queen."

Am I in the wrong here? 

All you ladies are fantastic.  Thank you so much for this input...if anyone else still wants to comment go ahead.

I'm soo glad to see that I'm not totally crazy, that you agree going to events where spouses are not welcome is not exactly normal.

I would like to clarify, that these employee only events are NOT in any way company sponsored. When his work had its Xmas party, it was for the employees and their spouses.  And this was the only afterwork event organized by his actual bosses. This is his coworkers spending their own time and money to socialize together.

He also told me I am unrealistic if I think that he will never want to go out without me and always stay at home with me because I have to stay home.  I agree not always, but how about more often than not? and did he have to be that blunt?

Yes, I do sometimes feel resentful of having to do schoolwork.  If he went out once a week, FINE. I don't want to keep someone hostage, but come on...

amariem25 to respond to your post, the people that DH socializes with outside of work are mostly married, guys and gals, and they too leave these significant others at home for these events.  They are not single guys dragging him out for happy hour. DH says that they all have a close working relationship/friendship.  There is one guy, his college classmate actually that works with him.  He doesn't participate in their outings, and he's the one that they consider "weird" because he never goes out with them. I know DH's coworkers, him too, and he is not weird at all, just has healthy boundaries.

And, meganmp1, we come from the same professional background, so this it's not the case where I would feel out of place.  All these "friendly" coworkers however, are from the admin deparments.

Thanks again fellow bees.

So I see a request for an update.

Well, thank you again, all of you, for taking an interest in this, and some really sounds advice.

First, I asked him if he feels miserable/smothered/depressed living at my parents house,  He said that although he doesn't want to leave here forever, he is pretty comfortable. I kind of already knew that though..he has no problem falling asleep pretty much anywhere in the house.  I should've mentioned that we dated for 6 years prior to getting married, so he's very familiar with everything.

He brought up the baby shower thing again by himself last night. He had the gall to ask me to bake/cook something for it because it's also a potluck.  So not only is our money going for a gift, I'm supposed to cook for these people too.  I refused to participate in ANY cooking as I am totally against the event altogether. I asked him about why no spouses, and he said that sometimes his work people want to organize events for work people and that's it.  Yes they do birthdays where we are both invited, (we have gone before, it's just not that frequent), and that's when we both go. I did say that it is kind of disrespectful of him to dedicate his free time on a weekend to something like this. (bunny, I know, I may not have fully followed your points, but I worked hard to do the - "when you do this, it makes me feel this") He said that I have too many rules and restrictions as far as what normal things are, and he can't follow them all, especially since he doesn't put any on me.  He said that I make things weird that are not weird, and he can do the same to me, by telling me that my meeting with my girlfriends, make him uncomfortable. The thing is, that I don't do things that are questionable, I like girls nights out but I don't make a point of doing them very often, and when I do, it's usually a dinner or a movie, tame stuff. My single girlfriends always make a point to invite us both  to everything. He said that it should make me comfortable that the group of employees he hangs out with are all pretty much married and since their spouses don't mind, I should just relax.

I should mention that I'm in the middle of a big school project that will end this Friday, that I'm having trouble finishing.  I'm a little bitter, because it's also somewhat his area of expertise and he could help me out a lot, but just refuses.  And then asks me to cook for coworkers.

This whole thing is just upsetting.  I didn't think I would be having these kinds of conversations so shortly after we are married. I thought the first few months would be more blissful, but so far, they've made me doubt this commitment.  All this, plus his other outings, do not make me feel too wanted and actually make me feel pretty low.

Oh yes, some may gasp that we were together for 6 years and I failed to notice this.  Well, this work thing materialized like 3 months before our wedding.  Prior to that time very weekend, during the day day or evening,  we'd usually spend together.  Sure he would go out with the guys occasionally, but it wasn't that often.  And he still refuses certain outings with his friends.  I would say there is DEFINITELY value in living together prior to marriage, it just doesn't go over well with a traditional family, like mine. Oh yes, and datign for a such a long time, is not always the hottest idea...for me anyway.